It’s Lydia’s birthday! It’s the full moon! What could possibly go wrong on Teen Wolf?

In a word: Everything. And it’s wonderful. Check out our recap for all of the mind-blowing, terrifying, plot-twisting excellence of “Party Guessed.”

Everyone Loves Lydia

This week’s Teen Wolf begins with Lydia in the shower. Cleanliness needs aside, this is a terrible idea. I mean, remember what happened last time Lydia engaged in personal hygiene? Does she really want to spend another weekend naked in the woods?

But it’s not the woods this time, it’s the lacrosse field. In a Teen Wolf variation of the classic “naked” dream, Lydia exits her shower to crowds of cheering admirers. She manages to get dream-dressed in the process, which only proves that Lydia is way cooler than the rest of us losers. We’d totally still be naked.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Anyway… The clothes aren’t much help to Lydia. Not when Peter Hale shows up. The former Alpha attacks, taking Lydia down on the field. And…

She wakes up.

Well, sort of. Lydia’s bed is full of blood and Peter Hale. Things only get worse as Peter makes worms appear on her feet because it’s the Worm Moon and because it’s gratuitously disgusting. We then learn the basic’s of Peter’s plan: Lydia’s birthday party — the party of the year in Beacon Hills — coincides with the full moon. That’s the time for action.

Then Peter turns into a monstrous Alpha and breaks through the window. I think it’s safe to say that Lydia knows about werewolves now.

In Which the Title of Town Nutjob Is Up for Grabs

Lydia is hardly normal after this encounter. Or maybe she is. It’s hard to tell with Lydia.

Whatever the case, there is a party to plan. For Lydia, this means comparing dresses with Allison and insisting on Jackson’s presence at her shindig. Not that Jackson wants to come — he’s mostly doing the kanima-zombie thing these days and is nice enough to not want to kill Lydia. Of course, Lydia rejects such kindness with some blank-eyed zombie expressions of her own, thereby wasting Jackson’s rare kindness.

But it’s not just Lydia embracing the lunacy in “Party Guessed.” Matt(?) the random photographer guy is set to give Lydia a run for her crazy money.

It all begins with Allison dropping off Matt(?) at his house. They share some pleasant but awkward small talk before Matt(?) takes his leave. Alas for Matt(?) and his infinitesimal chances with Allison, the boy forgets his camera bag in the car. And Allison is the curious type.

Matt(?) quickly realizes his mistake and returns. Apparently his idea of reassuring Allison about those stalker photos is to tell her he has lots more pictures on his computer. And that she should come visit his stalker lair to see them. Allison is very sweet in her OMG-psycho-stalker-is-going-to-kill-me excuses, but it’s hard to say if Matt(?) buys it — Allison gets a seriously creepy-evil look as she drives away…

Evil Swim Team?

Lest we think that all investigations into the kanima have ceased, Stiles is on the case. He has gotten hold of the Class of Kanima-Vengeance yearbook to try to find a connection. Sheriff Mr. Stilinski jumps in to help by providing a helpful bit of plot exposition (the police have arrested Mr. Harris) and spurring Stiles to a major clue: Isaac’s dad was once the Beacon Hills swim-team coach.

And all of the dead people were on that team.

Try the Punch

Despite Stiles’ enormous present and Lydia’s ubiquitous punch, the birthday looks to be a bust. But that’s why you invite Stiles. Having (of course) kept in touch with his transvestite friends from that gay bar a couple episodes back, young Mr. Stilinski gets the party started.

And the party’s soon rocking! Lydia passes out more punch, Stiles and Scott discuss the situation and Jackson-as-Kanima-Zombie even makes an appearance. Meanwhile, Matt(?) takes Allison upstairs for a little heart-to-heart about those photos. His “you’re so beautiful, I just wanted the perfect photo” tactic doesn’t really work, so Matt(?) switches to the ever-popular “Don’t you reject me! I’m insane!!!” method instead.

Allison is way too good for all of this. Even Matt(?)’s last-ditch efforts to continue the conversation end only in Allison ninja-dropping her stalker to the floor.

With so much excitement, it’s no wonder that none of the guests notice the details of Lydia’s special punch. Or the blue, wolfsbane flowers floating merrily in the pink liquid…

Bad Moon Rising

A few of Beacon Hills’ teenagers have to miss out on Lydia’s party. Derek isn’t taking any chances with this first full moon, so he chains Erika, Boyd and Isaac to the subterranean bus to wait out their lunacy.

Derek is OK though. As he explains to a curious Isaac, staying relatively sane is just a matter of finding an anchor to humanity. But Derek is going to need more than just an anchor when he realizes that chains are not enough to keep those puppies confined.

With no Scott to help, Derek must subdue Erika and Boyd as both young werewolves break free of their bonds and begin the full-moon rampage. The Alpha alone isn’t quite up to the task, but it’s all good. As it turns out, Isaac has learned a little control by anchoring his humanity to memories of the his murdered father.

It seems that, once upon a time, Mr. Leahy wasn’t quite the mean, freezer-locking guy we saw killed by the kanima. I wonder what happened…

Fear Itself

Back at the party, Lydia’s wolfsbane punch is doing its job. The whole crowd gets progressively nuttier as hallucinations hit coincide with the rising moon. And they’re scary hallucinations. What kinds of fears are seen?

Allison: Having seen a hooded figure in the hallway, Allison runs to warn Scott. But it’s Allison who receive an arrow to the gut. The assailant is… Allison? This hallucination is a mean, homicidal version of what Allison fears becoming…

Scott: Of course Scott has only one big fear: Losing Allison. This time, that fear plays out with a vision of Jackson (first as a human and then as a kanima) ravaging an enthusiastic Allison before Scott’s horrified, wolf-like eyes.

Stiles: The guilt-stricken boy sees his father, drunk and raving about the long-dead Mrs. Stilinski. Hallucination-Dad blames Stiles for her death, the loss of his job and just about everything else. It’s actually kind of heartbreaking.

Jackson: The wolfsbane jolts Jackson back to himself, only to confront those long-lost birth parents. They have no faces. And Jackson has no face. Can we say identity issues?

And Lydia herself? Lydia has left the party behind. Her work there is done.

The Moon Rises as the Sun Sets on Crazy-Eyes

Sadly, the party atmosphere does not extend to the Argent house. You will recall that we last saw crazy-eyed Mrs. Argent bleeding from Derek’s werewolf bite. In the Argent family, this is a death sentence.

And Crazy-Eyes is ready to carry it out. Eschewing the feminine stereotype of death-by-prescription-drug, Mrs. Argent instead grabs one of her beloved knives and heads to Allison’s room.

In theory, this choice is an effort to be “close” to Allison, even in death. In reality, it’s just another example of how messed up this family is. I mean, seriously? Does Mrs. Argent want to destroy her daughter’s psyche as much as possible?

Honestly, the answer is probably yes. Mrs. Argent does nothing halfway.

Alas, even this crazy-eyed killer of a woman has trouble taking her own life. That’s why you have a loving husband! Mr. Argent, despite obvious grief, is there to help drive that giant knife home. In its own twisted way, this is almost a touching moment: The full moon rises and Mrs. Argent’s eyes turn werewolf-yellow as her husband offers a final kiss and guides the knife that will end it all.

For an extended memorial to the late, great Mrs. Argent (and her crazy eyes), click here.

Good-bye Mrs. Argent! We’ll miss those crazy eyes of yours!

This Is Why Swimming Lessons Are Important

Back at the party, meanwhile, things are getting serious when the hallucinating teens begin to toss classmates into the swimming pool. Mostly this is harmless fun, but one victim screams that he can’t swim just before the splash.

The victim can’t swim. Just like the Kanima Master.

Saved by the strong and unfortunately clothed arms of Jackson, a dripping figure emerges from the pool, finally unmasked as the Master. It’s… Matt(?)!

Wow! He does have a purpose!

Before Scott and Stiles can react to this, sirens announce the arrival of the cops. The kids scatter, but Scott catches a glimpse of Matt(?) and his pet kanima before both disappear.

I guess that’s that mystery solved.

Party Crasher

But the mysteries aren’t over yet. Not even close.

Lydia makes her post-party reappearance in Derek’s lair. She subdues Derek with blue wolfsbane powder and drags him (don’t ask me how, OK?) over to the Hale House. Dropping the werewolf next to a hole in the floor, Lydia arranges a series of mirrors to shine the moonlight on the scene.

A whole bunch of confusing magic stuff happens and finally shocks Lydia to her terrified senses.

Her terror is justified — a naked figure of a man emerges from the broken floor. As Derek gasps at the loss of his Alpha status, the figure stands tall.

Peter Hale is back. And it’s time to party!

Did you expect Peter to return? Did you guess Matt(?) was the Master? Who (or what) is Matt(?) anyway? And what are your thoughts on poor, crazy-eyed Mrs. Argent? Leave your comments below!

(Images courtesy of MTV)

Laurel Brown

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Laurel grew up in Mamaroneck, NY, Grosse Pointe, MI and Bellevue WA. She then went on to live in places like Boston, Tucson, Houston, Wales, Tanzania, Prince Edward Island and New York City before heading back to Seattle. Ever since early childhood, when she became addicted to The Muppet Show, Laurel has watched far too much TV. Current favorites include ChuckModern FamilySupernaturalMad Men and Community. Laurel received a BA in Astrophysics (yes, that is possible) from Colgate University and a PhD in Middle Eastern Studies and History of Science from Columbia University before she realized that television is much better than studying.