Remember how in the last episode of Survivor, Brandon “started behaving erratically”? I have a feeling that’s going to blow up real soon. Coach is going to surgically remove Lil’ Hantz from the game. Papa Bear’s out, after making the argument that Cochran is that guy who is always hurting himself by accident. You know the type!

Ozzy and Elyse lie on the hammock together, talking Robinson Crusoe, which worries Jim. Jim takes this up with Cochran–how about we eliminate Elyse instead of you, Cochran? Cochran is all for it, in spite of Jim’s “suspiciously white” teeth.

Brandon is still facing an epic internal battle. Will intention or legacy win in the end? He apologizes to Mikayla, who still probably hates him. He’s annoying, and he’s related to Pure Evil. Brandon, on his “I want to be a good person” streak, tells Edna that she’s on the outside of the core five. Why? Why are you doing this and then apologizing, Brandon? He has pushed the self-destruct button, pretty much.

With their tree mail sending them to the Redemption Island Arena, the teams get their bathing suits. I don’t know if Dawn or Cochran is more relieved. Cochran and Jim go to Redemption Island, which makes Jim worry because people might associate him with Cochran and it’s a secret alliance. Meanwhile, Dawn feels old and insecure because of the swimsuits.

Ozzy wants Jim to chill out because he’s strategizing so hard. It’s easy to chill out when you have an immunity idol, I guess. At the duel, Papa Bear offers to join Upolu the second he gets back into the game. Brandon just can’t stop his apology diarrhea, and apologizes to Christine since he’s there.

For the duel, Papa Bear and Christine must throw bags on top of crates. It’s not the most exciting challenge, but Christine and Papa Bear prove equally determined and skilled at tossing bean bags. Christine just barely beats Papa Bear out for the victory.

Back at Upolu, Edna is stepping up her social game with the knowledge that she’s on the outs. The only problem is that Edna is trying a little too hard. Like, suspiciously hard. And when before she was flying under the radar, now she’s getting on everyone’s nerves. I hope Stacey just flips out on her.

Cochran talks to Dawn because they both know they’re on the chopping block. Dawn says she wants Ozzy out, and Cochran uses what he learned from watching Inception to plant the idea of ousting Elyse in Dawn’s head.

Time for the immunity challenge! For this one, three members of each tribe hold poles on their shoulders, and the other teams add weight to the opposing team’s tribe. In addition to immunity, they’re playing for a rooster and two hens. Why would you want that rooster?

Keith, Dawn, and Jim play for Savaii, with Albert (seriously, who is this guy? he hasn’t said a thing), Brandon, and Stacey bearing the weight for Upolu. Keith is out at 180 pounds, and the next round ties a Survivor record (in addition to taking Silent Albert out).

“Dammit!” Albert whispered into the wind. This is all about Brandon vs. Jim. Jim cracks at 240 pounds, followed by Brandon, who is weeping. Dawn vs. Stacey, who is using her butt. Dawn struggles, while Stacey has buns of steel. In the end, Stacey’s butt gives out, and Dawn proves useful to her team. She cries with pain and pleasure. No tribal council for Savaii!

Upolu must decide who to vote out, and it will probably come down to Edna, Stacey, or Brandon. But I say get rid of Albert. What do we even know about him? He could murder them all in their sleep for all we know.

At Upolu, the team has recognized Stacey’s value, even though she still seems like she doesn’t give a rat’s ass. Edna, who gives one too many rat’s asses, feels confident with a hint of paranoia.

“Should I pack all my stuff?” Edna asks Stacey. “Do whatever you think you got to,” Stacey tells her. Then Stacey said a bunch of awesome things about how Edna is a skeleton and how she lifted so much weight and she basically hates everyone but especially Edna this week. Coach tells Stacey that he likes her, but she is not buying his BS. But she has to “lie to kick it.” Why is Stacey not running this show?!

Brandon, who is also scrambling as usual, tells Coach that it may be the end of their alliance.

“STOP IT,” Coach tells Brandon, “I need you to stop it.” Then Brandon says he’s a good judge of character, so we just can’t believe anything he says. Sophie, my other favorite on this tribe, doesn’t trust Brandon at all. It sounds like people are starting to turn against Brandon, but maybe not tonight.

At Tribal, Coach gives Stacey credit for her “warrior spirit.” Then Jeff asked Rick the most annoying thing about Albert. Rick had no idea, because we don’t know anything about Albert, saying that maybe he snores? Then Brandon said the most annoying thing about Edna was that she talks a lot, which she doesn’t “get.” Edna is annoyed by Stacey, who she finds difficult to engage. Stacey is going to pop Edna like a zit.

Brandon cries, because he is torn apart by guilt and shame and self-loathing. The votes go to Edna (Stacey’s vote), and Stacey. I guess Brandon hasn’t completely ruined everything yet, and Edna hasn’t annoyed the crap out of Upolu yet. The best part, though, was when Coach tried to hug Stacey and she was NOT HAVING IT. I hope she kicks ass at Redemption Island, because she is my favorite.

(images courtesy of CBS)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).