Ace Gordon, one of the higher-profile castaways from this current season of Survivor, was arrested yesterday after an incident in a bar in East Naples, Florida. Now, this isn’t entirely unexpected. If you were to ask anyone who has watched Survivor: Gabon this season which contestant would most likely be arrested after a bar fight, there would be no hesitation. The answer is Ace. The charges are public intoxication and obstruction. You never root for things like this to happen, but as long as no one was seriously injured, this is something, I think, that all of us Survivor fans can have a good chuckle over. Ace was released from jail this morning.
According to sources at the bar, Ace struck a woman. After that happened, cops were called and Ace was arrested. On the way out, he apparently made a threatening move towards an officer, and repeatedly exclaimed that he was famous. Also, he was drunk this entire time. Here’s how I imagine the scene going down:
INT: BAR – NIGHT
Ace enters the Sway Lounge (the actual bar in question) with a trashy-looking European woman at his side. Ace wears a skull cap and leather gloves. He orders four wine coolers from the barkeep, tips him nothing. Ace’s lady friend says little, scowls at everyone. Ace pounds his first wine cooler in one fell swoop.
Oh, it is good to be famous. So, so good. I love being famous. That was good sushi, was it not? That bottle of sake we drank is the most expensive sake in all of Florida. I can afford such things now, seeing as I am famous.
Ace looks at his lady friend.
Remember what I was telling you about quantum physics earlier? Well, I’ve just had a revelation. I think I will fly to Bern and be a scientist. Did you see me on Survivor? If I can do what I did there, and fuse that into the field of science, who knows what can be accomplished?
A drunk College Student approaches Ace.
Hey, Ace. Sucks you got voted out, man. You were pretty funny on that show.
How. Dare. You. Sir. “That show?” What kind of insolence is this? “That show?” Pshaw. That show in question is a little program called Survivor, the greatest of all TV shows. Some would call it the greatest reality show of all time. Nay – it is the greatest television program in the history of the medium. For you, some charlatan, to not even utter its proud name is beyond reprehensible. Leave, you shantily clad heathen. Leave me and my woman to peace. I have spent enough time engaging you already.
Hey, screw you, man.
The drunk college student’s female companion sidles up, tries to pull him away. He won’t move.
Screw you, I was only giving you a compliment.
Ha. Ha ha ha. I seek not your worthless compliments. Go, take your frumpy female friend and retreat to the cesspool from whence you came.
The College Student gives Ace the finger and spits in his general direction. Ace’s face turns from a satisfied grin into stone. He takes his second wine cooler and hurls its contents down his throat. Slowly, he peels away the black, trashy, leather euro-glove from his right hand and approaches the student.
You will rue this day, sir.
Ace winds up and gives the college student’s female companion a wicked back-handed glove slap to the face, sending her wailing to the ground. A melee ensues.
FADE TO BLACK.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of CBS)