THEN: Sam and Dean were reunited and it felt so good. Except for the part about the impending Apocalypse.
NOW: It’s Paris Hilton time! Some fans have been dreading the arrival of special guest star Paris Hilton as her demonic self on this episode of Supernatural, but I’ve been counting down the days with my Paris Advent Calendar. In anticipation, I came up with a check list of five things I want to see in the episode, with a possibility for six bonus points. How did Supernatural do?
Keep reading to find out.
Together again, Dean wants to start over as a team, which means investigating some random mysterious death that has nothing to do with Lucifer or angels or the Apocalypse. In other words, it’s a totally retro season 1 episode.
It even starts with a random murder with two middle-aged men going gaga over Little Bastard, the infamous car James Dean was driving when he died. Naturally, one of the guys dies suddenly when he appears to be slammed through the windshield, despite the fact that the car was parked.
Since Supernatural is following the classic season 1 structure, this cuts to the Winchesters driving into town, providing exposition on the suspicious murder. Using fake classic rock names for their FBI identities, they infiltrate the police station and learn about the Little Bastard connection.
This leads to Sam doing research for past owners of the car in question while Dean visits a bar and hits on girls. In other words, this episode is a complete copy of the traditional stand alone episodes, which is kind of cool. It’s fun to see how the same elements feel fresh now because everyone involved has had five seasons to smooth out all the rough edges.
As always, research is followed by a second murder. This time it’s a nerdy guy who gets killed in his home by Abraham Lincoln. There is not enough weed on the planet for me to be able to come up with the crazy things Supernatural writers do.
Naturally, the boys investigate and Sam uses his freshman Spanish to talk to the maid, who describes a tall man with a beard in a stove-pipe hat. Yes, as she says, in her thick Spanish accent, “Abraham Lincoln killed Mr. Hill.”
Another round of research confirms that these two murder victims were huge fans of the dead celebrities they were killed by, but what could this possibly have to do with the town? Well, would it help that both James Dean and Abraham Lincoln are featured in the local Wax Museum?
And this is where I give my first points to Supernatural, because I can only assume setting the location of the demons at a wax museum is a shout out to Jared Padalecki and Paris Hilton’s film, House of Wax. They visit the museum and learn that the statues all have one piece of paraphernalia owned by the original famous person.
So that night, the boys visit to burn the artifacts and get rid of the celebrity ghosts. Might I suggest entering them in a beauty pageant for little girls? It worked for Michael Jackson on South Park.
But the ghosts only attack people who admire them, which makes it hilarious to Dean when Sam is attacked by Gandhi, who keeps trying to bite Sam. During the struggle, Dean burns the artifacts and Gandhi disappears into thin air. Ghosts? Busted!
With 30 minutes left, Supernatural has set a new record for solving the mystery. Except Sam doesn’t think it’s over, causing a bit of a fight between the brothers when Dean wants to leave town. That’s cut short when they get called into the police station for another weird incident. It turns out a girl was kidnapped by…Paris Hilton.
And this throws a huge monkey wrench into the theory, because, as far as the brothers know, Paris Hilton isn’t dead, so either it’s a demon other than a ghost, or, as Dean puts it, “Paris Hilton is a homicidal maniac.” Isn’t it possible that both are true?
With new information, Sam gets his hands dirty, literally, posing as a coroner and cutting open the two victims for more clues. Wow, that’s just gross. But Sam does find two seeds, but he doesn’t recognize them. Dean correctly points out that Sam is a mega geek for even being able to identify any seeds.
So it’s time for research, round three. This time they strike gold with a European God who killed his worshipers, drank their blood and filled their empty carcasses with his seeds. We have our demon!
They go back to the wax museum and find the missing girl, but they can’t save her because the demon shows up. Or rather, Paris Hilton shows up. And she kicks the crap out of Sam and Dean. It’s 100 times more awesome than it sounds.
Paris ties them up and gets nostalgic, talking about how people used to worship gods, but now they worship celebrities, and it’s a rather sad commentary on modern American life. I completely agreed Paris, so hopefully, after making this point, you will cease to be relevant.
She is annoyed that people now read Us Weekly, but Dean insists he’s more of a Penthouse Forum kind of guy, then gives her a wink. I’ll count that as a sly reference to her sex tape and give Supernatural another point.
Dean is also smart enough to know that since he isn’t Paris Hilton’s BFF, she can’t drink his blood. Now the show is on a roll, because that makes three points on my checklist.
It gets even better when Dean mentions that he hasn’t even seen her movie House of Wax. This is followed by a cutaway to Sam, or rather, Jared, with a strange look of confusion on his face. Genius! That counts as two, so it’s up to five points.
However, Paris knows who Dean does worship, his daddy, so she plans on taking the form of John Winchester to feed off of him. As much as I’d love to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Dean unties himself and attacks Paris before she can change, only she turns the tables and begins kicking the holy hell out of Dean.
Luckily Sam breaks loose, grabs the iron axe used to kill the God, and goes to town., He takes about five chops, spraying blood everywhere, and we even get a shot of Paris Hilton’s bloody, decapitated head. I wanted a gruesome death for Paris Hilton, and I got it. Congratulations, Supernatural, you gave me almost everything I wanted from Paris. But would it have killed you to make her say “That’s hot”?
In the aftermath, Sam and Dean make up once again, bonding over the fact that while Sam broke the last Seal, Dean broke the first one, and neither of them had any idea that they were breaking a Seal. Even Dean can’t claim to have believed killing Lilith was a bad thing. So all is well in Winchester world. Things are so good that Dean even lets Sam drive.
Coming Soon: This episode must’ve been short, because we get an extended look at upcoming episodes. They include Dean playing poker for his soul, Castiel ordering the boys to kill a kid, and Dean as an old man. Oh yeah, and the boys also star in a Japanese game show, a sitcom, Grey’s Anatomy and CSI. It’s probably going to be the funniest damn thing on TV all year.