In this episode of Scream Queens, “Beware of Young Girls,” Gigi gives Grace information that implicates Dean Munsch in the recent killings, Chanel deals with dissension in the ranks and another murder leads to not one but two suspects.
This episode opens with Chanel #2’s funeral, and Ariana Grande plays a corpse much more effectively than she does a living person. The scene is eerily reminiscent of Heather #1’s funeral in the cult classic black comedy Heathers. Each “mourner” lays a rose inside the coffin, and we hear their thoughts as they say their final goodbyes, none of which are traditionally remorseful.
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The Kappa Who Died
But the tone deviates when Chanel #1 gives a scathing eulogy, calling her former minion a scheming, backstabbing trollop, as well as a dead whore. Chanel #1 also makes it known that when you “rub uglies” with her boyfriend, Chad, you wind up dead. Haven’t we all wanted to speak ill of the dead but were censored by our moral compass? Ryan Murphy makes sure his characters on Scream Queens aren’t burdened with a conscious. So over the top and delicious.
The Chanels are going through a crisis. The clique has broken down, and Chanels #2, #5 and #6 think it’s time to heal all wounds among the Chanels, both living and dead. The plan is to contact #2 via a Ouija board in the hopes she can make amends with Chanel #1 from the “Great Beyond.” Order some duck sauce for those cotton balls girls; it’s time for a seance.
The Chanels do receive a message telling Number One that Chad is cheating on her. She doesn’t want to believe it because Chad has promised to turn over a new leaf and be monogamous. Chanel is convinced it’s #2 just effing with her and sets out to prove that Chad is as loyal as a little lapdog.
The Kappa Who Had an Affair
We know that Gigi is working with the Red Devils, and as she’s preparing dinner for boyfriend Wes, she’s talking to one of the murderers on the phone. Gigi is pissed that “he” is still alive. Apparently, kidnapping Zayday was not part of the grand plan, and Gigi has set her sights on eliminating the culprit. The Chanels aren’t the only ones with a fissure in their little group.
Grace takes Gigi shopping, hoping to update her style. Gigi is resistant to the change, but Grace assures Gigi that Wes will eventually get bummed out by her clothes. Grace says if Gigi really likes Wes, she should take advice from the girl who knows him better than anyone in the world.
Gigi takes the opportunity to send Pete and Grace on the hunt for a former Kappa named Feather McCarthy, who left the house and was the center of some “mysterious” controversy and drama. Grace questions if Feather could have a vendetta against the Kappas, but Gigi will only say she’d be more curious to hear what Feather would have to say about Dean Munsch.
Grace and Pete meet with Feather, and she’s very open about her past indiscretions. Feather had an affair with Dean Munsch’s husband, a 50-year-old professor named Stephen, who taught a class on The Beatles.
The affair blossomed into something more, and the couple went to Munsch and told her they were in love. She flipped out and threw her hubby out, and he moved into Kappa House. Munsch began Single White Female-ing Feather and eventually pulled some strings and got Feather thrown out of the sorority.
After the divorce, Dean Munsch’s husband got his house back and asked Feather to move in. One night, while taking a bath and listening to an old transistor radio, somebody threw it in the tub with Feather, but she managed to survive. Curious, since this was how the old dean died.
After meeting with Grace and Pete, Feather returns to her and Stephen’s love nest and finds bloody messages directing her upstairs where she discovers Stephen’s head in a fish tank.
Dean Munsch is Arrested
Detective Chisolm pays a visit to the dean. Munsch has some injuries she claims she acquired after throwing back a Hurricane at the White Stallion. She swears she fell down a flight of stars. When Chisolm points out that there are no stairs in the dean’s apartment, she says she must have hallucinated them.
Sexually aggressive and voracious, Munsch comes on to Chisolm, but he reveals the real purpose for his visit. He breaks the news of Stephen’s death and announces that the police have decided she’s the most likely suspect. And given the grisly nature of the crime, that makes her a prime suspect in the Red Devil murders as well.
Munsch thinks this is all some sort of sexy role-playing, but when Chisolm calls for backup, several officers and an orderly enter, put her in a straight jacket and cart her off to the local asylum.
Munsch calls Grace and Pete and asks them to come see her. She’s in high spirits, enjoying the downtime and the “little blue pills.” But she’s not going to sit on the sidelines forever. She knows Grace and Peter are investigating the murders, and she’s convinced that Feather is the culprit. After all, you can’t trust a girl with a full bush of pubic hair; she’s got to be hiding something.
Pete tells Munsch they’ve done their homework, and all signs point to her as the guilty party. Now Grace wants to tie up loose ends by finding out what happened to the baby. Munsch promises to share what she knows just as soon as Grace and Pete go dig up some dirt on Feather. Quid pro quo, Clarice.
Their conversation is interrupted by lunch, a bologna sandwich. The dean can’t eat bologna due to some nitrate allergy. She could go into shock and die. The reason I even mention this detail will become clear soon.
The Kappa Who Likes Bologna
Pete gets Chisolm’s files from the crime scene. Whoever killed Stephen Munsch made a sandwich afterwards and left half of it behind. It was a bologna sandwich, and given Dean Munsch’s inability to consume bologna, Pete and Grace surmise that there’s no way she could have killed her ex-husband. This means the killer is still out there.
Pete and Grace decide their next course of action is to get a hold of some of Feather’s DNA so they can compare it to the DNA found on the sandwich. They head to the crime scene to get Feather’s toothbrush.
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The Kappa and the Goat
Chanel goes to confront Chad and finds him in bed with a goat. She accuses him of cheating, citing the dead Chanel #2 as her source, but even with a smoking gun (or goat) in his bed, Chad swears he’s been faithful.
The goat, Rammy, is for nutritional purposes. Chad is lactose intolerant, and if he rubs Rammy’s belly for 10 minutes, she can supply him with two liters of yummy and lactose-free goat’s milk.
Chanel apologizes for doubting him, and the two agree that dead people aren’t reliable sources, especially whores with an ax to grind.
The Chanels once again gather around the Ouija board to confront Chanel #2 for lying about Chad.
After confirming Number Six has nine tampons in her purse, and that Number Two almost choked to death on Kix cereal as a child, the Chanels are confident they are speaking to their deceased sister. Chanel asks who is killing everyone, and the Ouija board spells out “You.”
An incensed Chanel stomps off, leaving #2, #5 and #6 to ponder if their leader could indeed be the killer. Number Two questions if they should really trust a satanic talking board, but Number Six argues that the board doesn’t lie, and Chanel will be coming after them next. The only solution? Kill Chanel.
Chanel #2 makes an appearance in Chanel’s dream. After confirming that Hell is not as cool as everyone thinks it would be (no dinosaurs). Chanel #2 warns Chanel that her minions are planning to bash her head in with a bowling ball while she sleeps. This is the method they landed on after rejecting poisoned bras and feeding her crushed diamonds.
This episode is the most absurd so far, but Ryan Murphy doesn’t deal in reality. Scream Queens is an ambitious show. I hope viewers stick with it because there is some real genius in the satire of it all.
The Kappa Who Killed Her Boyfriend
Pete and Grace retrieve Feather’s toothbrush and hand it over to the police. It’s a match, and Feather is arrested and Dean Munsch is released. The only problem is tying Feather to all of the other murders on campus. Chisolm points out that the likelihood of there being a woman capable of murdering and dismembering her own boyfriend, and a different killer slicing and dicing up a host of other bodies is slim.
One Kappa to Rule Them All
Chanel confronts her minions about their plan. They are apologetic, especially after Chanel points out that they are too incompetent to commit murder on their own. In an effort to be a better leader, Chanel is determined to let bygones be bygones.
Chanel has decided they will work together to catch the killer. She doesn’t think Feather is smart enough. Chanel believes Grace and Zayday are the killers, and their motive is to take down the sorority.
The Kappa Who Takes the Fall
The final scene shows Dean Munsch dancing around her apartment to the song “Beware of Young Girls.” She did kill her husband. What better time when there’s a deranged serial killer on the loose? Correction: deranged serial killers.
Tune in next time. Or as Chanel would say, “Tune in, whores.”
Scream Queens airs Tuesdays at 9pm on FOX.
(Image courtesy of FOX)