In the wake of the announcement that Cycle 22 will be America’s Next Top Model‘s last, “The Guy Who Closed the Deal in Vegas” gives us perhaps the most fun photoshoot in years. The models walk a salon-style runway showing off ensembles from Zappos Couture, then go completely colorful and wild in what Tyra calls a “Fierce-O-Gram” that spells brilliance for some, but death for others.
Mikey continues his attempt to get laid and is finally given a verbal spanking by a fellow model. Another model confronts Kelly about the unfairness of her low score at the previous panel, then bad mouth’s a fellow model’s ability, and finally blames her uninteresting portrait on the photographer’s direction. Unfortunately, the model that she talks trash about ends up not doing so well in this round, most likely due to being emotionally sabotaged. Let’s get into the details without further ado.
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Mikey’s Attempt at a Threesome With Hadassah and Mame is a Major Fail
Mikey’s pretty impressed with himself for getting best picture last week and he can’t help but mention, for the umpteenth time, that he’s in heat, on the prowl, ready to get some tail … whatever. He has to be a couple of fries short of a full meal deal to be announcing that he’s a male ho on national television, but, again, whatever. The Ty-Ty-Tip for Mikey is to tell the next photographer that he does his best work when he’s in action. The whole room is listening in while he sees his message, so how is that supposed to give him a leg up?
Though Mikey won the Tyra suite for the week, Hadassah and Mame say that he already thought he was the king and now he’s insufferable. The next morning, Mikey laments that he didn’t find anywhere to hide his sausage the previous night in that big king size bed. Poor little horny ho. However, Mame admits privately to the camera that she might have a little bitty crush on the scarecrow. Hmm.
The Models Get a Tour of Zappos and Meet All the Bigwigs
It’s challenge time and Kelly is ready to get her game on. With her is Melissa Costa, the head of Zappos luxury brand marketing. This is a big deal for the remaining six models because Zappos has donated the $100,000 ANTM prize which is in addition to a full ad campaign.
Zappos is launching a new couture platform whose intention is to sell happiness. (I didn’t know happiness had been patented, but okay.) The models watch a taped message from the Zappos kingpin, Tony Hsieh, and we’re off to the races.
The environment at Zappos is like a kindergarten classroom. The models kinda make fools out of themselves checking out the toys and ball pit before getting down to business, but it does look like a really cool environment to spend all your working hours in.
Kelly and Melissa Costa introduce Zappos Couture’s Senior Director of Fashion Strategy, Eileen Tetreauly, who tells the crew that the winner of ANTM will be the next face of Zappos Couture. Wow.
The Zappos Salon-Style Runway Challenge
This challenge is a salon-style runway challenge. The models will be strutting around a room of people in a Zappos ensemble, then have to quickly change into a different outfit which will be assigned, on the fly, by one of six Zappos VIPs. The winner will get a complete ensemble, and now I’m wishing I’d sent in my resume to try to get on the show. Too late now since this is the final cycle. I think I’ll survive.
Hadassah gets catty with Kelly before the runway, insisting that she shouldn’t have been in the last two the previous week. She totally dogs on Lacey, and Kelly tells her to MYOB and suck it up, buttercup, because she totally deserved to be where she ended up. Once again we hear her sob story about being poor as a child – which probably means she had to give up her $2 million dollar home for a $700,000 home. What planet does Hadassah live on? She doesn’t even understand why her comments about other people are rude. After being dissed by Hadassah, Lacey pretty much has a sucky time for the rest of the episode.
Lacey’s up first for the catwalk and the judges feel she’s falling flat, (What did I tell you?) but she’s doing something a little different with her hair cut and it totally rocks. Then it becomes clear that it wasn’t actually Lacey that falls flat, it was the clothing, because that’s all the VIPs can talk about. They change her into a different outfit and the judges are now happy. Mikey is up next and he’s put into two identical looks. Nyle has a more casual style which Eileen Tetreauly says he completely owned. Next he’s put in a cardigan and looks awesome. That’s the kind of soft warm cardigan that’s worn by the type of man who understand the power of donning some tasteful, yet lusty aftershave lotion. Growl.
Mame Has Some Stress-fully Big Shoes to Fill
Mame’s up and does fairly well, but the VIPs want her to change into a pair of sexy posh booties which are about a hundred sizes too big for her. The poor girl freaked out behind stage, but killed it on the runway with her poise, so the judges are thrilled. When it’s Hadassah’s turn, she does a little twirl in the middle of the room (despite being warned not to) and Miss J. says her walk is pageant-y. Not a good thing. But Hadassah’s proud of herself, of course. Devin goes out onto the salon runway and looks like he’s totally baked, but the judges are loving the clothes they’ve put him in. (Isn’t this supposed to be about the model?) Nyle, Devin, and Mame are the judges’ favorites, but Mame takes home the wardrobe.
Hadassah is on the bottom of the score chart back at the hotel. Also waiting at the hotel are Mame’s prizes. This is her umpteenth challenge win by the way, and she’s on could nine. Devin is fakey-fakey smiling and Lacey is depressed that she’s on the bottom with Hadassah. (I swear that pageant witch has a voodoo doll that looks exactly like Lacey and she’s been poking the hell out of it.) Mikey announces he’ll be getting naked to take a shower, so Hadassah playfully tries to lock him out of the Tyra Suite, saying that he barely won the honor of first picture. Lots of flirting ensues.
ANTM‘s First Fierce-O-Gram Photoshoot
Yu Tsai explains the Fierce-o-gram to the six models. It’s all about creative cropping of a group picture down to a single face. The focal model’s face will look sweet and innocent, but once the whole picture is revealed, it’s clear there’s a raucous party going on.
All of the shoots are off the wall crazy. There are live roosters, baby puke, whipped cream, mesh dresses, feather boas, sushi, and all kinds of crazy props. The challenge for the model is keeping their expression completely calm for the close-up, but making the rest of their body reflect the fun of Las Vegas-gone-wild. This is one of the funnest photo shoots in recent memory.
After the photo shoot, the models are treated to a champagne limo ride down the strip and some have a little too much bubbly. Mikey talks inebriated smack about getting in bed with Hadassah and Mame for a threesome (of course), but back at the house Devin reads Mikey the riot act for being such a ho. What about our friend Ashley? All you’re trying to do is get laid. You are coming off like an effing ass. For the first time, I’m totally on board with Devin, and I respect him for the way he handled himself during that interlude. It wasn’t super campy or violent or unreasonably rude. Well done, Devin.
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Judgement Day Has Arrived
Tyra is in the throne room and looking stunning in her professional leather bustier and pants. Man, she’s looked better this cycle than almost any other.
Lacey is up first. Kelly likes the big photo better than her close-up and Miss J. says she lacked energy. Mikey’s big photo is out of this world. Up close he looks like a humorless corporate lawyer, but pan out and he’s crouched between two gorgeous dark chocolate female legs. Perfection.
Hadassah has a great close-up, but her wide-angle is dead in the water … except for Nyle in the background. He was live and fantastic fun.
In his own shot, Nyle looks good, but could have been better. Devin’s close-up is wickedly weird and alien spaceship intergalactic. Those are Kelly’s words, not mine. Tyra says it was hard to find a shot where his face looked soft despite the fact that he’s holding a baby.
Mame’s close-up is one of her best shots. Tyra is crazy about both the close-up and the wide angle. Maybe she’ll take it home tonight? Before breaking to calculate the total scores, Miss J. comments on how alive Hadassah became in each of the other models’ photos. Too bad she didn’t deliver that in her own shot.
Top Two: Mame and Mikey
Middle Two: Devin and Nyle
Bottom Two: Lacey and Hadassah
Result: Hadassah is sent packing.
And then there were five.
America’s Next Top Model airs Wednesdays at 8pm on The CW.
(Images Courtesy of The CW)