In this episode of Scream Queens, titled “Handidates,” Zayday tracks down a survivor of the Halloween massacre, the Green Meenie kills two more patients, Hester arrives at the C.U.R.E. Institute and Chanel receives a surprise proposal — sort of.
After discovering Tyler’s body, Chanel Number One declares that not only is there another serial killer on the loose, but that Number Five is the guilty one. This is ridiculous since Number Five had been with them the whole time, but Number One argues that even though Number Five was present and accounted for during many of the Kappa murders, she still thinks her minion is responsible for some of those murders.
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Another Boyfriend Bites the Dust
Number Three thinks they should cave in to Hester’s demands for discontinued beauty products, move her to the hospital and find out who the killer is, but both Number One and Number Three agree that’s a terrible Idea. Number One wants them to do some detective work on their own.
Dean Munsch bursts into the operating room and recruits the Chanels to help her get rid of Tyler’s body. These murders are in direct conflict with the mission statement of the C.U.R.E. Institute. If word gets out that they’ve got two dead patients that reek of a serial killer, all of the Dean’s hard work will be for nothing when they shut the place down.
The Dean decides to dump the body in the swamp. Since anybody could be a suspect, the Dean is going to conduct an internal investigation. She swears all of the Chanels to secrecy.
While the hospital is on a winning streak when it comes to curing the incurable (Randal no longer suffers from that Jumping Frenchman of Maine Disorder), he’s also the Green Meanie’s next victim. When he comes face to face with the killer, he believes it’s some kind of test and is actually relieved to feel no anxiety at all when he meets his grisly fate.
A Loon with a View
With Randal missing, the Dean and Chanel decide to go visit Hester. She still refuses to give them any information until her demands are met: beauty products, a transfer and a room with a view. Dean Munsch assures Hester that she will never leave the asylum, but the Dean has acquiesced to one of Hester’s requests and presents her with a VHS copy of the film A Room with a View.
Hester promises that the longer they stall, the more outrageous her demands will become. Now she insists that they finalize the purchase in her name of a time-share condo in Cabo San Lucas where Hester will be free to enjoy six all-expense paid weekends a year — no blackout dates. Time is ticking, and from what Hester can tell, the Green Meenie is going to make the Red Devil look like a girl scout.
Chad Radwell is convinced that Dr. Brock is the killer, and he takes the evidence he has — a police file on Winthrop — to the Dean. Chad points out that according to every horror movie ever (about someone getting the hand of a serial killer put on their body), the hand eventually takes over and starts murdering people.
Dr. Brock argues that there is zero scientific evidence of any transplant recipient exhibiting behavior related to the donor, but Chanel Number One recalls Dr. Brock’s hand doing crazy stuff at the movie theater. Dr. Brock chalks it up to muscle spasms.
Chad tells Chanel that she has no choice but to dump the guy with the gay murdering hand and start boning him again. Dr. Brock wants Chanel to know that before she makes her choice, she should know he’s the highest-paid sperm donor in the state.
Chanel declares that she’s not choosing either man. She is no longer the girl who can be easily seduced by the man who has the most money or is the most rich.
Dr. Brock points out that all the disappearances and murders began when Chad showed up, so it would seem that he’s the murderer. The Dean would beg to differ, explaining that Chad is a moron, perhaps the dumbest person she’s ever met. He was also the worst lay she ever had. But he may have a point. They can’t allow anything to deter patients from coming to the hospital, including the rare possibility that the chief surgeon has a hand that takes over his body and starts killing people.
Munsch doesn’t want to fire Brock since he’s not only a great surgeon but also incredibly easy on the eyes. However, they do need to do something about his hand. They’re going to search for a new donor, one without a homicidal history. It’s either that or Brock goes.
The Big “O” Over and Over and Over
In the meantime, the hospital has a new patient. Sheila (Cheri Oteri) is plagued by multiple spontaneous orgasms. (A similar case happened on Grey’s Anatomy.) The yoga teacher started experiencing her symptoms two months ago. The condition is destroying her life. Her husband left because he immediately realized that all of Sheila’s orgasms with him were fake. She begs them to do anything to make it stop, including removing her vagina. This leads Number Three to ask if it’s even possible to remove a negative space.
Dr. Cassidy Cascade gives Sheila the news that she’s suffering from Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD). He questions if she’s gone through menopause or had hormonal treatments because those are two ways to trigger the condition.
The treatment is a large dose of antidepressants akin to the amount Sea World gives its most suicidal orcas.
Dead Doc Walking
Later, Dr. Cascade speaks to Number Three about her behavior during their consult. He noticed that she looked kind of bummed out, and she confides in him that she’s never had an orgasm. Number Three admits that this issue is just part of a larger problem — she is alive but not really living. Dr. Cassidy returns the favor and confides in Number Three that he has a secret of his own: Dr. Cassidy is dead. During his junior year in high school, he got wasted at a party. His friends warned him not to fall asleep on his back or he could choke on his puke and die. The next morning, he woke up covered in vomit and realized that he must have died. Now he’s cursed to walk the Earth for all eternity … like a Highlander.
Number Three questions Dr. Cassidy about his ability to breathe since he’s dead. Cassidy doesn’t know, but that’s why he decided to become a doctor. He needed to know if modern medicine had an answer, but it’s only raised more questions. He could be a zombie or maybe there’s a task he has to accomplish before the universe allows him to die a natural death. Cassidy thinks that task might be helping Number Three feel alive again.
The Skin Care Empire that Death Built
The girls are kicking back in their dorm, but while Zayday and Number Five play Scrabble, Chanel Number One is having a bit of a meltdown. During their most recent visit to Hester, the former Kappa told Chanel that her skin looked dry and she needed to try some esrun cream. Chanel already moisturizes three times a day with this shady stuff she orders from China (made from panda sperm or stem cells of political prisoners). Zayday notices that she has the letters to spell out esrun, and when she rearranges them, they spell nurse.
Zayday, the Chanels and Dean Munsch head to Florida to visit the nurse who created esrun cream, Lynn Johnstone. They arrive at Johnstone’s palatial estate in the Everglades and are shocked to learn that Lynn is a man. He was there that night of the massacre at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering. He was in the bathroom doing number two when the murders occurred. The hospital paid him $5 million in hush money and made him sign a non-disclosure agreement. Zayday asks if Lynn got a look at the killer, but he didn’t need to because he knew who it was.
Lynn was chummy with Nurse Thomas, and a few nights before she and everyone else was killed, she was freaking out because Halloween was coming up. Lynn tells them about that Halloween night in 1985.
Lynn figured there had to be a connection, but he decided to just forget about it, until recently. Lynn has been receiving phone calls threatening to kill again. Lynn knew they were trying to hide it, but he could tell it was a woman’s voice, and Lynn’s first thought was that it was the pregnant woman, Bill’s wife.
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Denise Hemphill doesn’t understand why the killer would be choosing to exact revenge now. He already got it by murdering the entire staff in 1986. And why target patients?
Dean Munsch is convinced that the killer’s motive is to bring down the entire hospital. She believes the killer works at the hospital and is over six feet tall, which probably means he’s male. That rules out the mother, but her baby is another story. He would be around 30. Number One says Dr. Cassidy fits that description, but Dean Munsch points out that so does Chad Radwell. It turns out Chad was held back in the second grade eight consecutive times. Number Three throws Chamberlain’s name into the pool of suspects.
Dean Munsch lets Dr. Brock know he’s off the hook since he’s obviously far too old to be the killer. She also tells Chad that he’s her number one suspect. Dr. Brock is eager to get back to doing what he does best — saving lives and winning the hearts of nubile, young medical students.
Chad isn’t about to go down without a fight, but Dr. Brock has plans. Chad may be younger and richer, but the next body he’s touching with his hands is Chanel’s. He’s going to propose. Chad Radwell says he always wins no matter what, and Dr. Brock warns Chad that he has no idea who he’s dealing with, and if Chad’s smart, he’ll get into his car and drive far away.
Will You Sign My Greenup?
Instead, Chad decides to beat Dr. Brock to the punch and asks Chanel to look over a prenup, and if she signs it, he’ll consider asking her to marry him. An ecstatic Number One says yes.
Dr. Cassidy and Number Three are still trying to figure out what caused Sheila’s condition since the treatment isn’t working. They figure out that Sheila hurt one thing while doing yoga, which irritated her other thing, and laughing is what is making her orgasmic. All she requires is a simple surgery.
Ice, Ice Baby
Dr. Cassidy makes good on his promise to try and help Number Three achieve an orgasm, but she just can’t get in the mood. Although she’s attracted to the handsome doc, he’s so cold that it’s like hugging a snowman. He reminds her that he’s dead, and hot blood doesn’t pump through his veins like it does hers. To prove it to her, Dr. Cassidy takes his temperature, and it reads a very chilly 61 degrees.
Since all of Chad’s best buds are dead, he asks Dr. Brock to be his best man. Even though Brock hates Chad, he loves Chanel. According to Chad, it’s the best man’s job to make sure the groom doesn’t freak out and leave the bride at the altar. Chad has cold feet, and he’s convinced that he can’t be monogamous. Dr. Brock suggests that Chad not get married, but he doesn’t want to hurt Chanel. Dr. Brock agrees, but he lets Chad know that when the couple breaks up in six months, he’ll be there to comfort Chanel by having a lot of sex with her. Chad says he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Chanel shows off her massive engagement ring to the girls and asks Zayday and Number Three to be bridesmaids. Since she and Number Five aren’t that close, Chanel offers her the job of ring bearer, but Number Five has to dress like a dog and walk down the aisle on all fours with the ring strapped to her back.
Chanel announces that the wedding will be the following day. Since Chad is so rich, she put a rush order on everything. She needs to act fast, otherwise Chad might change his mind or forget.
Julie Dies and Hester Arrives
It looks like Julia might be the first patient to check out of the hospital alive. She’s already called the press and plans to tell everyone about the stellar treatment she received, putting C.U.R.E. on the map. But just as she’s about to leave, the Green Meanie arrives and decapitates her. He also takes a swipe at Chamberlain but leaves Zayday untouched.
Hester arrives at the hospital and is greeted by Denise and Zayday. Since her lead checked out, Denise pulled some strings to get Hester transferred on the condition that she cooperates with the investigation.
Really Cold Feet
Chanel Number One’s wedding is a bleak affair (despite a nauseating amount of Pepto pink). It’s held in the hospital chapel with attendance in the single digits. She walks down the aisle but arrives at the altar and waits for Chad. Number Five points out that it’s customary for the groom to show up ahead of the bride, but Number One tells her that Chad asked Chanel to come first so she could get used to it.
Something splatters on Chanel’s dress, She looks up and sees a pool of blood, and then Chad’s dead body falls through the ceiling. At least Chanel gets to keep the ring.
Is Dr. Brock now the prime suspect? Could Nurse Hoffel be the mystery caller? What is really up with Dr. Cascade?
Scream Queens season 2 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on FOX. Want more news? Like our Facebook page.
(Image courtesy of FOX)