In this episode of Scream Queens, “Warts and All,” Chanel’s ex returns, complicating her relationship with Dr. Brock, Number Five falls for a deformed patient, and Zayday and Chamberlain research the hospital’s history.
Number Five survived her run-in with the killer and is questioned by a female detective who promises to be as incompetent as the authorities in season 1. Catherine’s head remains at the crime scene, but her body is missing. Number Five insists that Catherine was killed by someone dressed as a large plant and attempted to murder her before she passed out. The detective, lacking any other leads, considers Five a suspect, even though she was locked in the hydrotherapy tub.
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The Greenie isn’t the Only Meanie
The other two Chanels are convinced that Number Five is the killer, and her motive is jealousy. While they were on dates with handsome doctors, Number Five hasn’t been touched in months. (The closest she’s come to sex is when a bookshelf fell on her.) Decapitating a poor, defenseless, hairless creature was her way of sabotaging her friends’ love lives.
The detective concludes that there’s not enough evidence to actually determine what happened and warns Number Five to stop making up stories that just aren’t that scary.
In spite of their first patient being murdered, it’s business as usual at the C.U.R.E. Institute. They have another patient, Tyler (Colton Haynes), with a genetic disorder. Tyler is covered in tumors, leading to a lot of toad comments and insults from the Chanels.
There is a treatment for Tyler’s condition, but it involves a huge, super-expensive machine that the hospital doesn’t have. Tyler is desperate. He’s doesn’t make much money writing Encyclopedia Brown fan fiction, and he’s got nowhere else to go.
Zayday Questions Munsch’s Motives
Zayday is suspicious of Dean Munsch, and she goes to Chamberlain to express her concerns. Why would Dean Munsch want to run a hospital, especially one that caters to only a handful of people with really obscure diseases? Also, why would Munsch hire herself and the Chanels? She doesn’t like Zayday, and the Chanels are idiots.
Also, Dean Munsch’s whereabouts on the night of the murder are suspect. Number Five claims that the swamp monster killed Catherine before Chamberlain arrived and scared it off. Dean Munsch says she was in her office the whole time after hours. (She arrived on the scene not long after Chamberlain, claiming to be using the hospital Wi-Fi since hers was out at home.)
Yet, Chamberlain said Munsch said goodnight to him and Number Five long before Catherine’s murder. Zayday thinks Munsch has to be involved in the murder because she’s out for revenge; she’s gathered all the Chanels together so she can kill them one by one. Zayday wants Chamberlain to help her figure out what is really going on.
Love is in the Air
Chanel Number One and Dr. Brock finally go out on their date, and it would appear that Dr. Brock’s hand has a mind of its own. Chanel is smitten and admits that she’d never thought she would find love again after Chad Radwell.
Number Five might be making a love connection of her own with Tyler. She confides in him that her love life has been a disappointment since her imaginary boyfriend broke up with her in high school. The other Chanels already have hot doctor boyfriends, and she’s the odd woman out.
Tyler hasn’t had a lot of luck with girls given his condition. He shows Number Five a picture of himself before his disease, and it turns out he was a regulation hottie. If only there was a way he could come up with the money for the laser treatments. Number Five promises to help him find it.
Number One is alone and working the night shift. She hears a man screaming and is confronted by someone dressed as the Red Devil. The whole scene shouts dream sequence, but in actuality, the Red Devil peels off his mask to reveal Chad Radwell, Chanel’s ex-boyfriend. This isn’t the first time Chad has pulled this prank on Chanel. He did the same thing once during Chanel’s stay at the insane asylum. Chanel doesn’t find it amusing, but Chad thinks it’s funny — not Happy Gilmore funny but on par with Big Daddy.
The screaming continues, and Chad tells Chanel that it’s his friend Randal who’s in need of medical attention. Chad and Randal were on a trip with an elite secret society of hunters. Other members include Ted Danson, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Liz Cheney, who Randal accidentally shot in the face.
Dr. Brock confirms that Randal has the Jumping Frenchmen of Maine disease. Sufferers of the disease have an exaggerated startle reflex. Brock deduces that shooting Cheney in the face set it off. There is no known cure, but Dean Munsch promises to help Randal.
Chad figures out that there’s something going on between Dr. Brock and Chanel but remains unimpressed when he learns that Dr. Brock has only gotten to second base (and that was accidental due to his bizarre hand affliction). Chad wants Chanel back, even more so now that he’s got competition for her affections.
Number Five makes a fundraising video to try and help Tyler, but when the other Chanels see it, they abuse her accordingly. Number One knows that Number Five is hoping that Tyler will get hot again and date her, but she makes it clear that if Tyler regains his former looks, he’ll have no interest in her lovesick minion. Number Three says Number Five’s only hope is if Tyler stays all warty. But if Number Five sticks with him while he’s hideous, then he’ll feel obligated to date her if and when he becomes hot again.
The Halloween Hospital Massacre
Zayday and Chamberlain do some research on the hospital’s history. A chunk of the online files were scrubbed, so they have to go back using microfiche. On November 1, 1986, the entire hospital staff was murdered. A flashback shows the Greenie Meanie taking out everyone with a machete. Dr. Steve and his nurse recognize the costume from the previous Halloween, but they didn’t tell anyone what they did to poor Mr. Bill. The murderer was never caught.
Chamberlain and Zayday encounter Nurse Hoffel wandering the hallways. Hoffel wants Zayday to provide her with information about the Chanels’ schedules — where they are at certain times of the day and when they’re most likely to be alone. Zayday questions why Hoffel wants to know, and her reasoning is that she can make sure they can handle the workload they’re given because they’re idiots.
Zayday doesn’t buy the story and has a problem with helping Hoffel gather intel on the Chanels, so Hoffel is going to have to find someone else.
A Totally Hot and Homoerotic Shower Scene
At last, it’s time for the much buzzed about locker room scene with Chad and Dr. Brock. There’s a whole lot of toned, wet and sudsy torsos going around. Chad wants Dr. Brock to know that his penis was “the last climber to summit Mt. Chanel,” and how is he supposed to compete with that? But Dr. Brock argues that on the eligible guy checklist, he can check off two boxes: handsome and rich.
But when it comes to boxes, he’s the only one who will check Chanel. He challenges Dr. Brock to a game of squash, an ancient Radwell tradition. The winner gets the girl. It’s hard to focus on dialogue with two hot guys in the shower together, but that’s the gist.
The Beauty and Number Five
Number Five and Tyler are on a date of sorts. She’s still upset that nobody believes her story about being attacked and not killing Catherine. Tyler promises to help her find proof. She’s also decided to take the Chanels’ advice and try to prove her devotion by kicking the crap out of two guys who insult Tyler — the word ‘hemorrhoid’ is bandied about.
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What’s Wrong with Dean Munsch?
Zayday hasn’t built much of a case, but she and Chamberlain confront Munsch anyway about the massacre in 1986. The only evidence left behind was green slime, the same green slime left behind when Chanel Number Five was attacked.
Zayday accuses Munsch of attacking Number Five or of having someone else do it. Zayday figures that herself and the Chanels are Munsch’s loose ends, and she’s gotten them all together in one place to knock them off one by one.
Munsch takes Zayday and Chamberlain into her confidence. She’s not trying to murder anyone; she’s trying to save herself. She claims to be suffering from headaches, night sweats and neurological abnormalities. She’s gone to many specialists, but nobody can tell her what’s wrong. In fact, they don’t think anything is wrong. Munsch is convinced that she’s dying and that she doesn’t have much time left. She started the hospital to find out what this mystery disease is before it kills her. She begs Zayday to help her find a cure. They don’t notice Nurse Hoffel eavesdropping outside the door.
Quid Pro WTF?!
Later that night, Munsch encounters the Greenie Meanie and fights him off and knocks him out. Just as she’s about to pull off his mask, Dr. Cassidy and Number Three arrive. While Munsch explains that Number Three’s story actually checks out, the killer escapes.
Munsch calls in Special Agent Denise Hemphill to help prove that she’s not the murderer. Denise is convinced that the only way to catch a killer is to get inside the mind of a killer. So Munsch, Hemphill and the Chanels go to see Hester, who is being kept in a Silence of the Lambs-type facility. But instead of semen being flung around, Number One gets a giant wad of birthday cake frosting in her hair. Hey, I don’t write this stuff.
Hester has embraced the Hannibal Lecter persona, and she knows the identity of the killer. Of course, she’s not going to give them anything without something in return. Hester wants to be transferred to the institute, and wants a room with a view and some high-end beauty products.
Two Cocks, One Hen
Dr. Brock and Dr. Cassidy are trying to cure Randal by putting him in an environment that minimizes sensory stimulation. He’s still jumpy, but you’ve got to break a few eggs to make that omelet.
Chad may be fairly clueless, but he has noticed that something is off about Dr. Brock’s hand. While the two play squash, Chad tries to find out who Brock’s hand belonged to, but all the doc will say is it was an anonymous donor.
Dr. Brock warns Chad to back off both himself and Chanel. He threatens that his hand is capable of a lot more than playing squash.
True Love is Blind
Sparks are flying between Tyler and Number Five, but her happiness may be short-lived. The Chanels announce that they were testing Tyler to see if he could prove that looks don’t matter. As a reward, they’re purchasing the laser machine for him. Number One got Chad to cut a check by promising that the money was for a pube laser that would give her an eternally stubble-free box.
Dr. Brock’s Big Secret
Chad hires a private investigator to dig in to Dr. Brock’s mystery hand. It belonged to a world-champion squash player named Marshall Winthrop. Marshall wasn’t content to just beat his opponents; he hated them for losing and killed them — over 600, to be exact.
Winthrop was caught and executed but not before he became a full-body organ donor. Dr. Brock Holt has the hand of one of the world’s most notorious serial killers.
Chad can’t wait to confront Dr. Holt about his secret, and when Holt questions just what Chad plans to do about it, Chad will only say, “You’ll find out.”
A Case of Bad Brains
Zayday has a hard time reconciling Munsch’s many symptoms. Most point to an autoimmune disorder, but the Dean’s complaint of her gait being off doesn’t fit. But a restaurant specializing in cuisine from New Guinea provides Zayday with a very House moment.
Zayday learns that Munsch traveled to New Guinea for a book tour (instead of New Jersey). Munsch has kuru, a disease that cannibals get after they eat people. Munsch consumed some bad brains during her stay. The really bad news is there is no cure, and she’s only got a year to live.
Munsch swears Zayday and Chamberlain to secrecy. If the board finds out, they won’t think she’s fit to run the hospital. But Nurse Hoffel knows since she planted a recording device in Munsch’s office.
Happily Never After, Number Five
Tyler and Number Five enjoy some FaceTime (pun totally intended), and he swears he’ll love her even after his surgery. Tyler also went on an Encyclopedia Brown message board to try and solve the case of the Green Meanie who attacked her. He found something that was a game changer. Suddenly, Tyler says he’s being wheeled into surgery.
The Chanels confirm that both Dr. Brock and Dr. Cassidy had gone home for the night to have a handsome contest. The Green Meanie strikes again, eviscerating Tyler with a laser. The Chanels rush to the hospital, but when they arrive, it’s too late.
What is Nurse Hoffel up to? Is Munsch innocent now that we know she’s got kuru? Why would the killer be targeting patients? Have we already seen the killer?
Scream Queens season 2 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on FOX. Want more news? Like our Facebook page.
(Image courtesy of FOX)