This week’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race took the queens out of their comfort zones and into their best 80s/”goth”/stereotypically ethnic outfits for a fake informercial challenge to sell two very real albums, “Glamazon” and “Champion,” both by RuPaul, and both available for you to buy on iTunes right now.
No, seriously. Go. Buy them. Right now.
Well, if that didn’t work on you when Ru said it, it probably won’t work when we do. But we know something that definitely will werk — today’s “Werk Awards” for last night’s most dragnificent queens!
Queen of Mean: Phi Phi O’Hara
For the third straight week in a row, Phi Phi threw the phiercest shade — but this week, she picked the wrong queen to pick on, and officially earned a spot on our bad list for it. You don’t just go up to a ladyboy as indescribably spectacular as Sharon Needles and say, “Just put some white powder on your face and look gothic; that’s all we need you to do.” And then you REALLY don’t go behind closed doors and tell the camera, “She has one good character so she might as well use it.” Well, if you have one good bone in your body, you better bring it out now, Phi Phi. It’s no wonder that after throwing all that shade, you were outshined by Sharon, who (spoiler alert) won this week’s challenge.
Queen of Total Domination: Sharon Needles
We’re not really buying that you’re considered a “total loser back home,” Sharon. I mean, who wouldn’t love this face? But don’t worry — you’re still endearing as all get-out, even when you donned your spookiest get-up for the infomercial. You deserved your win, and we applaud your ability to be yourself and stay sincere, even when you’re playing a character. All hail this season’s official frontrunner!
Mini-Queen of Mini-Mean: Kenya Michaels
She rejected Madame LaQueer’s high five, AND said Madame was bringing shame upon Puerto Rico. We shudder to think that maybe we initially misjudged Kenya. How could someone so tiny and cute be so harsh on her native sister?
Queen of Overshadowing and Overacting: Milan
She never stops talking! Or dancing. Or smiling like a maniac. The results? She took over Kenya’s team and her infomercial clip was uncomfortably spastic, but not special. Milan’s just trying too hard, but bringing very little personality to try with. (Though, to be fair, Milan shiiiined in this week’s episode of Untucked, when she dropped to the floor to talk to Willam “at her level,” and worked in some impressive product placement when she said, “Take a drink because you ABSOLUTely need to shut up.” Bravo!)
Queen of Poor Timing: Milan
How could she have known that the episode in which she accidentally channeled Whitney Houston would air just days after the singer’s death? She couldn’t. But as Willam cattily pointed out, it should never have happened in the first place: “Any bitch with common sense knows you don’t channel Whitney Houston in a RuPaul infomercial.”
Queen of the Plus-Size Pretty: Latrice Royale
The other plus-sized queens looked like Donald Trump’s breakfast in their gold and silver sausage casings. But Latrice knows how to dress her body-ody-ody. As Michelle Visage said: With this look, the price of gold went UP!
Queen of Gold Glamor: Chad Michaels
Chad’s golden forehead, modeled after the Medusa head of the Versace medallion, was PERFECTION. If she keeps it up with looks like that, she could actually rival Sharon Needles for inspiring awe.
Queen of Product and Paint Splash Placement: RuPaul
We mean both in the best possible way. No reality show does its shilling better!
Queen of the Comeback (Out of a Drag Coma?): Dida Ritz
It took a Lipsync for Your Life to shake her out of her funk, but Dida finally showed us what she’s got, and it’s AMAAAAAZING. She pummeled that performance — and, sadly, The Princess, whose ‘sync just wasn’t up to snuff compared to Dida’s committed, energetic, engaging lipsync. “That is what a lipsync for your life is,” said Latrice as she fought back (fake? real? who cares!) tears, “That is high drag at its finest.” Now, if Dida can learn to serve that energy every week, with every challenge…
What did you think of this week’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race? Whose inFAUXmercials and gold and platinum runway looks were your favorites? Let us know, but before you do…
I swear, half the fun of watching this show happens the next day on the internet.
(Images courtesy of LOGO, gifs from logotv.tumblr.com and lipsyncforyourlife.tumblr.com)