I don’t know what your weekend consisted of but meanwhile, in Las Vegas, Brandi Glanville is shaking what her mama gave her and winding her hot bod awkwardly around a stripper pole.
All the ladies take their turn on the pole. Kyle relishes the opportunity to be on any kind of stage and the center of attention and Camille denies having stripper experience but looks hella natural up there. Lisa somehow manages to make pole dancing look classy and Yolanda is probably learning some new tricks to keep her cave man husband happy. Marissa unwillingly agrees to participate but she is not happy about it because she doesn’t consider herself to be very sexy.
Back in the Hillz we see enough of Adrienne to know that she is now starting a handbag line to match her Maloof Hoof and that she is still pressed about Brandi. She says her business is launching successful fashion accessory lines (arguable) and Brandi’s business is dancing on a pole. It’s almost precious how smug she is in her confessional about her Brandi “burn.” Aww, Adrienne. For someone who looks so much like a drag queen, you’re absolutely no good at throwing shade.
After pole dancing class, where all of the ladies earned their diplomas, Kyle gets a call from Kim. I think it’s important to mention that Kyle has both a Chanel crested phone case and she has little Chanel logos painted on her nails. Klassy with a “K” for “Kyle.”
Anyway, Kim calls her brand-happy sister to have a private conversation about her choice to have a nose job. So of course, when Kyle hears it’s private she puts the phone on speaker in front of all the women and presses Kim to spill the beans. This opens up the chance for every one of the wives to voice their opinions about not only Kim’s normal wackiness, but her decision to do this newly sober as well.
Kim doesn’t really seem to care what Kyle or anyone else has to say about her nose job because she is ready to make a change on the outside to match the inside. Her “assistant” Wendy brings her in for surgery which is kind of sad. One of her kids couldn’t bring her in? Or the sister who is not busy pole dancing in Vegas? Or a friend even? Anyway, she makes it through okay and is hardly any loopier than she normally is when she gets out of surgery.
Adrienne stops by her husband’s place of employment to sit at his desk and do her nails. Good thing he doesn’t have a real job like being a doctor. But she’s not just there to keep up with her cuticle health, oh no. She’s there to accompany him to have lazer hair removal treatments on his back because she thinks he looks like a yeti. This not-yet-to-be-divorced bickering couple oozes as much charm as this recap oozes sarcasm.
In Las Vegas, the other wives (minus the AWOL Taylor) gather in Brandi’s suite to have a dinner party catered by the executive chef of the Four Seasons. Things start out nicely enough with Yolanda indulging in a glass of tequila and Marissa spilling red wine on her Alaia (you don’t understand, it’s like a totally important designer) and trying to use white wine to scrub it out because she saw Barbra Streisand do that at a party once.
But the sh*t doesn’t take long to hit the proverbial fan after Camille brings up Adrienne by saying how sad and sentimental she feels being in Las Vegas without her. Naturally, because the Brandi/Adrienne fight seems to be the “plot point” of the season, this starts a fight between Brandi and Kyle who keeps on insisting fighting Adrienne’s battles.
Camille gets dragged into the argument at some point when Brandi claims that Camille knew Adrienne’s scheme to gang up on Lisa at last year’s reunion. Camille gets defensive and a little of season 1 Camille starts to show when she tells Brandi that she “can handle it, but she won’t stand for it.” And by “it” I can only assume she means Brandi’s verbal diarrhea of truth speaking.
Kyle continues to stand up for Adrienne while trying to say in her confessionals that she is on neither side. She says it’s mean that Brandi said that Adrienne only owns 2 percent of the Palms (which to be honest, is 2 percent more than most of us own of any casino/hotel) even if it is true. In her constant defense of Adrienne, she also manages to bulldoze over Lisa, who has proven to be a loyal friend of hers over the last few seasons.
Yolanda points out that Kyle is fighting a grown woman’s battle for her and that it’s pretty ridiculous at this point that she is the voice of reason in the room. And then she says how her husband sent her a private jet so so she can go home early and her relatability ends almost as soon as it started.
When they get back to Beverly Hills, Kyle goes to visit her sister in a hideous grass-green jumpsuit with a gold name-plated necklace. What else would you wear to visit a recovering loved one? And Lisa and Ken have tea in their garden to discuss what happened in Vegas. Ken is wearing his shirt unbuttoned to about his navel. Rawwwrrr.
Kim tells Kyle that she chose not to take any pain medication and so far she is doing okay. But Kyle quickly moves the conversation into a more important direction to tell her about her Vegas trip. She claims that if it were in her hands, she would just kiss and make up with Lisa and never hold a grudge again. Little does she know that she’s not actually the one with the grudge-holding rights in this friendship.
Lisa tells Ken that she is sick of Kyle sticking up for everyone except her. And little by little, their relationship has become more and more damaged.
Next week Lisa confronts Kyle! Brandi confronts Adrienne! Taylor’s mouth confronts the camera! Confrontations will happen!
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(Image courtesy of Bravo)