Super Dad/Husband, Mauricio, comes into the house stressing about their cars getting egged. “It’s gotta be a high school prank,” he says to Alexia. He takes all of them outside to look at the mess of eggshells surrounding the property and, SURPRISE! A brand new white Mercedes C250 is untouched, egg-free, and shining gloriously on the street. Alexia is blown away by the gift and she drives off, leaving Kyle and Mauricio standing in the driveway watching as their little girl takes another step towards adulthood.
Brandi heads to lunch with her book agent to discuss cover shots and issues with the title of her book. She wants the F-bomb included in the title, because, as she puts it, “that word is such a big part of my life. If you worry that I’m a loose cannon, no. I’m a truth cannon. I will tell you what you don’t want to hear.” I mean, she isn’t wrong.
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Segway to Spin-Off
Heading over to SUR, Lisa gets ready to try some new appetizers that have been added to her menu. One of her servers had apparently pissed off an important talent agent the night before at a private party. Lisa isn’t happy. She gives Stassi (even her name sounds bitchy) a stern talking to and the way she handles this little brat’s demands for an apology from the customer (who is also a personal friend of Lisa’s) and shoots them down is just bloody brilliant. “It’s my business, and they’re not going to screw it up.” Boom. Vanderpump RULES.
In other Vanderpump staff news, Brandi gives Lisa a call before heading to the tasting to make sure her server Scheana (Cibrian Mistress #200) would not be working. Lisa, as an amazing friend, assures her that she would never have her on staff knowing that Brandi would be coming.
The hot topic of discussion at dinner is the ongoing beef between Brandi and Adrienne. Adrienne did not show up for the tasting and Brandi makes a few cracks about how “she must be working on her “book.”” Brandi then goes into this story about an hour-long conversation wherein Paul and Adrienne try to bully her into tweeting lies about Lisa. THEN, Brandi drops a bomb by sharing a piece of information about Adrienne that the ladies all already know. Even though they all act surprised. The problem is, I have no idea what she shared, because they cut it from the scene.
The worst part is that the ladies all share their appalled and offended reactions to Brandi sharing this very private thing about Adrienne. We do know two things: 1.) It’s extremely private and whatever Brandi said about it was, as Kim says, “so below the belt.” And 2.) it’s involves Adrienne’s family because Taylor makes a point of saying how protective Adrienne is when it comes to her family and she will not be happy when she discovers that this is out in the open. Ugh, come on ladies. I didn’t come here to solve a riddle, I came here to get envious of all that you have and a little bit dumber in the process.
The Calm Before the Brandi
Over at Adrienne’s, she and Paul are getting ready for a family barbecue. You get to see them as a happy couple, everyone getting along, and it’s almost ominous because you know the Glanville storm cloud is quickly approaching. They prepare food together, joke around together, and yet, there’s trouble on the way.
Mauricio is hosting an event for his new Real Estate Company, The Agency, and Camille is in attendance with her hunky new boyfriend, Dimitri. [Insert Kelsey Grammar small penis joke here.]
Ken + Lisa Forever
Lisa and Ken go to the hospital for Ken’s hip replacement surgery. Despite her jokes about never wanting to have sex with him, Lisa is loving and very worried to see him undergo a procedure like this. Pandora and Max pop in to give their father some pre-surgical love before he heads in. The nurses come in for some standard Q’s and A’s and then roll Ken into surgery. Lisa gets emotional seeing Ken disappear behind the two white doors, which makes me cry more than any normal human being should. UGH. I kind of hate myself right now. The surgery ends up being a success. Thank goodness.
Back at Mauricio’s party, Adrienne and Paul show up and Kim immediately pulls them aside to relay the bomb dropped by Brandi at dinner the other night. It’s that important that she felt the need to tell them immediately. Yet, they cut the actual gossip when Kim says it too! What the F***? It’s killing me, not knowing what was actually said. Paul becomes unhinged and tells Adrienne that he wants either to, go right up to Brandi and call her out, or they would need to leave the party. Adrienne mentions a lawsuit. “Character assassination” is what they are calling it. Paul and Adrienne get ready to leave, but not without a passive “bitch” that’s said to someone else about Brandi, in earshot of Brandi. She immediately turns around and asks what he means. Then everything gets nutty.
Paul and Brandi get up in each other’s faces and hurl insults at each other. Kyle is mortified that Kim has chosen this place and time to share this news with them, knowing that this is how they would react. “Liar”, “bitch”, finger pointing, growling?!, shouting, it all gets jumbled up and tossed into the middle of this party, in front of Mauricio’s clients. Paul and Adrienne end up leaving, they know things have gotten out of hand and it will only get worse if they stay. So much for peace and friendships in Ojai.
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(Image courtesy of Bravo)