This week on Pretty Little Liars, Aria finds out Mr. Fitz is actually Mr. Moneybags, Hanna fights to keep Mona whispering to dolls in Rosewood, and the liars finally break into Maya’s website. After last week’s excellent yet terrifying horror movie of an episode, it was nice to get back on track with our liars.
As per usual, the relationship cards are being subtly shuffled. Aria realizes she might be ruining Ezra’s life, but since he’s the rich creepy old guy dating a high school student, I think he’ll somehow manage. Also Toby totally flips out, the way all teenage boys with sense do after dating one of the liars for more than five seconds.
Can I take this moment to laugh at how both Toby and Caleb have cottoned to the fact that something is seriously wrong with these girls and their constant lying? Meanwhile Ezra, a pseudo-adult and pseudo-intellectual is just biting newspapers and turning his typewriter keys into earrings for Aria or whatever it is he does in his free time now. I bet all that money from a few weeks ago was from his Etsy shop where he sells all the Navajo jewelry Aria accidentally leaves in his apartment. The show has always been about how teenagers can sometimes see things more clearly than adults, and this is a prime example.
As relationship bingo continues, Spencer and Caleb bond over hacking into people’s websites and proper sweater maintenance. Hanna kisses Wren, who explodes with joy over finally managing to nab a teenage girl. Sure, it’s not the one he originally wanted but pedos can’t be choosers right? Is that not a saying?
As all the girls spiral into their new and weird relationship configurations, Emily finally starts on the road to mending her broken heart. But will seeing the contents of Maya’s computer just break it all over again?
Emily’s Wild Ride
It’s official: Emily has done more in her one drugged night of grave robbing than I have done on any sober day in my entire life. She goes to apologize to Paige for accidentally drugging her, because sadly Hallmark has yet to make a “Sorry My Flask Drugged You” card. (Although they are probably working on it as we speak.) Talking to Paige, she learns that she was also with Paige the night when Ali’s body disappeared. Paige found a drugged Emily on her back porch and the two shared a kiss. Paige apologizes profusely for taking advantage and Emily feels a bit weird about the whole situation.
After some words with Nate about being who we are, even in our most drugged out states, Emily goes back to talk to Paige. She tells her she hadn’t thought about anyone since Maya’s death, but clearly she still had feelings for Paige. Those feelings took her to Paige’s porch that night. Then Paige and Emily kiss in front of a pool, which seems fitting considering their love began that one time Paige tried to drown Emily. On Pretty Little Liars, this is basically the height of romance.
Can we chart what we know about Emily’s missing hours so far?
– Wandered the mean streets of Rosewood. Starred in ‘Riding in Car with Blind Girls’. Jumped out of the car, because even the most heavily drugged know Jenna is creepy.
– Spent time at the Edward Hopper cafÃ© with Holden(?) doing a maze.
– Macked with Paige and then disappeared into the night.
– Hung out at Ali’s recently robbed gravesite.
Did I miss anything? How many hours was Emily gone again? Her Rosewood drug tour is pretty impressive, but how much do you want to bet she also did a bunch of other things? She probably also rescued a kitten from a tree and made herself a series of jaunty hats like the one she wore in the early part of the episode. I thought Ali was busy before she died, but Emily is almost as good at time management.
Hanna gets one tortured glance at Caleb, but he bounces as soon as he sees she’s spending time with Wren. And why is she with Wren? Because the board of Radley is tired of Mona giving away all their drugs and singing to all their dolls and stealing all their playing cards.
So they want to send her away. Wren is unsuccessful at convincing them to keep her around, because the board is not a 16-year-old girl and thus actually hears his words instead of just listening to his magical British accent. So Hanna grabs out some cue cards and then busts out an emotional speech about how if things had gone differently she might have been the one mowing people down with her car, instead of the mow-ee.
Her speech is so effective that the board changes their mind. When Wren tells her she gets so exited she kisses him. He looks shocked and she tries to play it off, but clearly there is some unresolved tension between the two.
Aria is looking smart, like a sexy secretary someone would leer at on Mad Men, when she shows up to Ezra’s apartment. She’s lucky she picked this moment to dress up because Ezra’s mom is in town. She corrects Aria about his name, explaining that her last name is actually Fitzgerald not Fitz. As his mother invites Aria to a gala, Ezra quietly has an aneurysm in the corner of his apartment.
Aria is shocked that Ezra’s parents have money and wants to be doubly sure to impress at this event, so she goes over to Spencer’s to borrow some adult clothes. Spencer is like “Awesome! I have a bunch of Little House on the Prairie dresses and some jodhpurs!” while Aria quietly dies inside. They get side-tracked, however, when they see a briefcase belonging to Spencer’s mother. Like reasonable paranoids, they immediately take pictures of all the contents.
They find the name of a witness Spencer’s mom wants to break, and Aria goes to the address listed. It’s an old film noir theater, because everyone in Rosewood is living in a film noir movie at all times, so they can especially relate to the genre. The witness named Bart tells Aria he saw Maya getting into the car with Garrett the night of her murder, which is why he’s a key witness.
At the event, Aria looks gorgeous in a simple white dress with her makeup beautifully done. Having achieved classy lady status by playing dress up like the actual child she is, she realizes Ezra’s family is way richer than she even thought. His family is the kind of rich where they just own priceless artifacts for no reason. I imagine his childhood exercise included swimming in a giant vat of money like Scrooge McDuck. Honestly, this explains so much about Ezra and all his life choices.
Of course, Mama Fitz(Gerald) is not as nice as she first appeared, because no rich person on television is actually nice. I learned that from Revenge. Just like Victoria Grayson, Mama Fitz(Gerald) offers Aria a bunch of money to leave her son alone in peace. It must be so hard for her to know her son is dating a pretty upper-middle class girl from the suburbs. The humanity!
Aria awesomely throws her drink into a plant like the total boss she is slowly morphing into this season and leaves. At home, she wonders if she’s totally ruined Ezra’s life. Her father, being a decent parent for once, tells her there’s no way she could ever ruin anyone’s life. Back at the party, Ezra tells his mother he is done with her and all of her games because he knows she doesn’t have a generous bone in her body.
Poor Spencer is practically left alone to Nancy Drew the various murder mysteries this week. Everyone else is busy hooking up while Spencer eats a bunch of pretzels and watches Toby loose his mind (but sadly not his shirt) from the stress. When not going through her mother’s belongings, she’s trying to crack into Maya’s website. Just because Mona gave them the address doesn’t mean she also gave them the password. So Spencer enlists the help of Caleb to hack in.
Once together, it turns out that Spencer and Caleb are a delightful partnership. I mean, Spencer has chemistry with everyone so this is in no way shocking, but these scenes were very fun. They bond over their mutual love of cracking into other people’s business and rooting around. Then Spencer gives him some tips on how to wash his new expensive sweaters. They would make wonderful high tech burglars who care about their delicates.
When Caleb finally gets past the password, they see that Maya’s site is filled with videos of Maya talking directly to the camera, like a video blog. It seems like the site is a dumping ground for a bunch of miscellaneous videos and pictures. But one video the liars find is especially chilling. It’s Maya talking about how she has to face her fears as the lights from a police car wash over her. Are the liars seeing Maya’s final moments?
‘A’ tag: ‘A’ is getting a bunch of money from the bank, where the teller remarks that A’s hoodie is reminding her that summer is really over.
What did you think of this week’s episode? Did Garrett really kill Maya? Did Ezra get that money from his mother? And what will happen with Wren and Hanna? Share your theories in the comments!
(Image courtesy of ABC Family)