You read that right. Merv Griffin (my second-favorite “Merv”) is developing a reality competition series based on the videogame Pac-Man. Deadline reports:
“The Pac-Man reality series is envisioned as a “big, crazy Wipeout-type event with a lot of energy,” said Merv Griffin’s president of TV Roy Bank. “The idea we have is to take what Pac-Man is and bring it to life, to bring what is essentially the world’s biggest game of tag to television.”
THE WORLD’S BIGGEST GAME OF TAG! ON TELEVISION! Who could imagine anything more fun and exciting and only tangentially related to Pac-Man? Move over, The Amazing Race and (this year, total fluke) Top Chef. Your choke-hold on the Reality Series Emmy category is no more.
It is unknown whether contestants will be rolled around in yellow spheres and sent into a labyrinth to collect dots and fruit while ex-cons dressed as ghosts hunt them for sport. That better be the plan, Merv, because that sounds awesome. Whereas watching a game of tag sounds even less fun than watching your middle school boyfriend play Pac-Man for three hours because otherwise heeee wooooon’t liiiiike yooooou.
Below, I have 10 more ideas for things that should get turned into reality shows! You’re welcome, Merv Griffin.
1. Speak & Spell: The host speaks a word. Contestants spell it back. This is basically just a spelling bee except you have to talk in a creepy robot voice.
2. Cabbage Patch Kids: Who can dig up the garden and find all the babies the quickest?! (Note to Merv: The idea is to use real babies because it adds to the suspense. Might want to talk to Legal first, though.)
3. The Indian in the Cupboard: So there’s this cupboard, and it’s magical, and the contestants have to guess what’s in the cupboard and what’s magical about it. (Note to Merv: Find a magical cupboard before attempting to develop this show.)
4. Where’s Waldo?: He’s somewhere inside this normal American family’s home! Can they find him before he steals all their valuables and floods the house, Wet Bandit-style?
5. That scene in Saved by the Bell when Jessie Spano admits she’s addicted to caffeine pills: Contestants compete to see who can ingest the most caffeine pills and still make it to The Max in time for the big music video shoot.
6. CROSSFIRE! Little boys must throw metal balls and shoot lighting guns at each other in a fiery death arena. The winner gets a pair of leather fingerless gloves.
7. Genuine Ken: Real-life beauty pageant for men to see who most closely resembles Barbie’s fictional boyfriend doll, Ken. (Oh wait. I may have stolen this idea.)
8. The California Raisins: Like The Sing-Off, but everyone is dressed as raisins. Obviously.
9. JNCO Jeans: Two pre-teens compete to see who can stuff the most rats into his JNCO jeans! To win you have to skateboard through an obstacle course in your rat-filled JNCO jeans.
10. Troop Beverly Hills: Shelley Long hosts this game show in which young girls are dressed alike and sent into the wilderness to compete in challenges like who can run across a fallen log the fastest and who can learn the true meaning of friendship. Watch out for those Red Feathers! They’ll straight-up kill you to win the Jamboree.
Good ideas! Sometimes I have so many at once that my brain is like, “Slow down, slow doooown!” Merv Griffin knows what I’m talking about.
What are YOUR good ideas for reality shows?