I’m starting to think my “One Tree Hill season 9 is Hell” theory is true. This week’s episode feels like a dream where nothing makes sense. Clay is a drug addict. Millie is worried that Big Mouth will die even though he isn’t THAT fat. And Julian and Brooke’s son Davis may or may not be dead. That last one is where things get really confusing.

Julian: Without a film at his soundstage, he spends his day recreating The Goonies and moonwalking, which is so sad even a group of kids makes fun of him. But all is saved when a TV producer calls and wants to film his series at Julian’s soundstage, which sounds perfect. But then things get weird.

Julian goes home quickly and promises to drop Davis off at daycare. Then we see him taking money out of an ATM and buying a bottle of scotch. Then he’s walking, hears sirens and gets a call from Brooke that Davis was never dropped off at daycare. Next we see his car with shattered windows and the cops putting a dead body into an ambulance.

Is Davis dead? Did Julian leave him in the car while he ran his errands only to have someone break in and kill his baby? Was there a scene cut from the episode that explained what the heck just happened? I genuinely have no idea what to make of it, but it felt like some weird dream, or perhaps like Julian is missing time and sleepwalking just like Clay. Whatever happened, it was definitely bad.

Haley: Karen’s Cafe is having problems because a rival “gourmet cafe” opens up across the street and steals her chef. Luckily Dan shows up and uses his diner experience to cook delicious burgers. Of course as soon as the patrons realize their food is being cooked by a murderer, most of them leave.

Haley is willing to defend him, but at the end of the day she tells him not to come back because the idea of Dan Scott working at Karen’s Cafe isn’t sitting well with her. I suspect Karen would have a problem too, since she spat at him in prison the last time she saw him and delivered that bad-ass speech about “eyes that don’t know of malice and jealousy and evil.”

Clay: Quinn learns Clay isn’t taking his pills and follows him, only to discover he’s buying drugs on the street. He denies it at first, then admits that after the shooting he became addicted to pain killers. I don’t buy that for second, either because my “season 9 is Hell” theory is true, or because he suddenly has multiple personality disorder, because Clay is acting very un-Clay-like.

Chase vs. Chris Keller: Chase is super sad that Alex left, and even sadder because Chuck is now Chris Keller’s personal Mini-Me. Chris Keller tries to cheer Chase up by taking him to a strip club, which is hilarious but not very helpful, especially since one of the strippers is a parody of Alex.

Big Mouth: After whining about how the dry cleaner is shrinking his shirts, Millie snaps live on their TV show and finally tells Marvin that he’s fat. She’s worried that he’s going to die, but like Julian’s final scene, this storyline makes no sense to me. Sure, Mouth is fatter than normal, but he’s not super fat. He’s definitely not “scared for your health” fat. Again, I suspect her crazy freaking out has more to do with this season being some metaphysical version of Hell, because there’s no other explanation I can think of.

For now, I’m left wondering what is wrong with Tree Hill. Everything that’s happened this season makes less and less sense, both in terms of characters and plot. Plus, Nathan is totally MIA from the episode.

(Image courtesy of the CW)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.