Gather round, my fellow Bachelor armchair psychiatrists, because we now have hard, sneak-peeky proof that something is Very, Very Wrong with Michelle. I mean, more proof. The question is: Why is she such a maniac?

Please watch this video of [real life Disney villain?] [real life crazy person?] [fake life actress-faker?] Michelle Money going into full-on tyrant mode, and then join me after the video to assess her symptoms and give our diagnosis.

AHHH!!!, right? I mean … AHHHHHH!!! … Right?

The way she tells Brad to not talk (twice!), and then grabs his face all controlling and scary like you don’t know what she’s really capable of, and the way her eyebrows are carved out with extra-evil today, and the way she’s dressed like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (pre-makeover) today, and the way she hisses that she’s “different” from the other girls, and the way she says “WE” when she clearly means “I, ME, I WILL EXTERMINATE THESE WOMEN FOR YOU.” All of it, just all of it, is openly screaming “I will end you and wear your head as a souvenir if you do not do my bidding.”

On the one hand, it’s this:

jafar_king.jpgEVIL SORCERER DRUNK ON POWER

But maybe it’s more this:

CRAZY (…IN LOVE)

But maybe it’s just THIS?

MidwaytoHeaven.jpgAAAACK-TING

I mean, it’s all so blatant that it seems too crazy to be anything but an act. But WHO WOULD ACT LIKE THIS ON PURPOSE?

So, please, tell me what you think in the comments: Is she doing this on purpose? Is her brain broken? Is she actually like this? Is the “this” actually as scary as I think it is? If I keep writing about her, will she hunt me down, or am I doing exactly what she wants? Is her mind-controlling curse on Brad and the Bachelor editors also on ME? Why am I shaking?

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I just don’t know. You diagnose this woman.