Previously on Lost: Sayid was claimed, Sawyer became the new Jacob, Claire gunned down an Other, and the Temple was the only place safe from Flocke.
FYI to new readers, Flocke refers to Fake Locke (Jacob’s Nemesis, the Smoke Monster, etc). It has nothing to do with Bagels and Flox, a new breakfast joint I’m opening featuring the best faux salmon around.
Jack in the Altverse
Jack’s altverse adventure begins by taking off his shirt so we can all admire his wax job and the appendectomy scar he shouldn’t have since it wasn’t taken out until he went to the Island. A phone call with his mom reveals he had his appendix out when he was 7, meaning the bomb detonating on the Island must have affected Jack’s basic physiology.
Before Jack can help his mom find his dead dad’s will, he has to pick up a kid named David from school. A kid who happens to be Jack’s son! Wait, I think I meant for that exclamation point to be a giant question mark.
Jack’s son David only sees his dad once a month, and he’s a typical angry child of divorce. At Mrs. Shephard’s house, the family finds Christian’s will and Mrs. Shephard wonders who Claire Littleton is.
Jack gets home with pizza, but David is missing. Jack runs over to David’s mother’s house (though, just like How I Met Your Mother, we don’t learn who she is). Instead of finding his son, Jack learns that David is a piano prodigy who has an audition for a music conservatory.
Jack goes to the audition and is shocked to discover his son plays the piano very well. Meanwhile, I’m shocked that Dogan is there. Come on Lost, now you’re just doing this to mess with us. The altverse ends with Jack telling his son that he’ll always love him, because Christian often told Jack that he didn’t “have what it takes.” Worst. Altverse. Ever.
Jack and Hurley’s Island Adventure
Back where stuff actually matters, Hurley gets another assignment from Jacob’s ghost. Hurley has to go with Jack through a secret tunnel in the Temple to go somewhere and help bring someone else to the Island.
To get Dogan off his back, Hurley tells him that he’s a Candidate and he can do whatever he wants. To get Jack to come with him, Hurley says that Jack has “what it takes.” At this point, Hurley stops being a real character and starts being a mouthpiece for Jacob’s strange commands and exposition.
They stumble upon Kate (because the Island is so small that randomly bumping into another person happens all the time). Jack wants her to come with them, but Kate has her own mission: find Claire. After what Dogan told him, Jack isn’t so sure that’s a good idea. Still, she leaves.
Jack and Hurley make their way back to the beginning by finding the caves they lived at in season 1. Hurley theorizes that maybe they time jump back to dinosaur times and that the Adam and Eve skeletons in the caves are actually them. Do the Lost writers really need to get their material from crazy online theories?
Hurley and Jack keep moving on until they arrive at their ultimate destination: a giant stone lighthouse. Yes, a giant stone lighthouse has been on the Island this whole time, we just never saw it. Sorry Lost, I’m willing to accept a lot of your crazy stuff, but not this. I’m good with polar bears, time travel, smoke monsters and whatever else they throw at us, but a suddenly appearing giant lighthouse? I’m not buying it.
They go upstairs and find a giant wheel with mirrors all over. Hurley tries to dial the wheel to 108 degrees, but Jack notices all the numbers have names, the same as on the cave wall last week. He orders Hurley to turn the wheel to Jack’s number, 23, and when he does, he mirror reflects Jack’s childhood home.
So the lighthouse means Jacob was watching Jack his whole life, making Jack mad enough to break all the mirrors. This is exactly what Jacob wanted, because with Jack, he needs to find his own purpose. In other words, Lost is pulling a total cop out to avoid having to answer any questions like they promised.
Claire on the Island
New and improved Island Claire is a total bad-ass. She brings Jin back to her camp site and also brings the one surviving Other to pump him for information: where is her bay-bay? He knows nothing about Aaron, but Claire is convinced that he knows something because she was told as such by her dad and her “friend.”
She’s about to ax the Other when Jin finally speaks up and says that Kate took Aaron. I have no idea why he waited so long, but Claire pauses for a long time, then decides to ax the Other to death anyway.
Later, Jin says he lied about Kate raising Aaron and that the Others do have him, but Claire needs Jin to get into the Temple. This lie is preposterous and silly, and the episode ends with the arrival of Claire’s “friend,” who is, of course, Flocke. Anyone who didn’t see that coming shouldn’t be watching Lost in the first place.
(Image courtesy of ABC)