If you’re struggling to understand why the Kardashian family is famous, just watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians, which starts season 3 this Sunday at 10pm on E! You won’t actually get an answer, but by watching, you’ll be helping to make them famous. In other words, the Kardashians’ fame is a lot like Mobius strip or an M.C. Escher painting.
The season 3 premiere, titled “Free Khloe,” expertly tells newcomers everything they need to know about these people. Khloe Kardashian (now a contestant on The Celebrity Apprentice) is sentenced to 30 days in jail, and her family reacts as if she just won $10 on a scratch-off lottery ticket. Except for mom Kris Kardashian, who has a total emotional breakdown.
The premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians is wise to put Khloe front and center, using her to ride Donald Trump’s coattails. It also helps that Khloe is arguably the best of the female Kardashians. She doesn’t care about the jail time, preferring to think about the sound Kris makes while she gives husband Bruce Jenner the action that his initials spell out.
Sister Kourtney Kardashian’s only accomplishment in the premiere is getting drunk to celebrate Khloe’s early release from prison (if I told you exactly how early, it would make you scream). Kim Kardashian provides narration, I guess because some viewers who have suffered severe brain damage might not be able to follow the rather simple storylines.
Brother Robert Kardashian only shows up long enough to prove that he’s smart enough to be living his own, perhaps more interesting, life away from these people. And when Bruce Jenner learns of Khloe’s prison time, he gives her a high five.
But the star of the episode is actually Kris, mostly because she wants to be the star of every show. Khloe’s jail time brings up memories of her deceased ex-husband and O.J. defender Robert Kardashian, who passed away five years ago. She cries throughout the whole episode, wishing her were still around to circumvent the law for them like he did for O.J.
The events of the episode lead her to a tearful moment at Robert’s grave which is sad not for her, but for Bruce, who is married to a woman whose biggest regret is divorcing her ex-husband.
So the mystery of Kardashian fame remains firmly in tact. They’re famous because they are. They complain about the tabloids’ treatment of them, but without the tabloids, they wouldn’t be famous. The paparazzi and the Kardashians spend their days cannibalizing one another. And much like in Alien vs. Predator, whoever wins, we lose.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of E!)