I’ve been waiting all season for George Tucker to find out about Lemon’s affair and it happened exactly as I imagined. Except for the wandering bear, strange bachelorette party and the arrival of Justin Hartley’s Jesse. So I imagined, like, one scene correctly. Oh well! Also, the title of this recap is a mashup of Bad News Bears and Bridesmaids. #obvious.
Manly Men, Men, Men
George Tucker is using lawyer shenanigans for a “case.” Really, he’s checking that his eye sight is true and if he saw Lavon and Lemon kissing from a distance. Which he did, but he’s a lawyer. He doesn’t just accuse without evidence or conviction. A regular Clarence Darrow, that George Tucker.
For the bachelor party, these manly men decide to go hunting. Wade is just so adorably clueless that I forgive him for inviting Lavon. I thought Wade knew they don’t like each other that much, but whatever. Also, pseudo-invited is Tom, the local weirdo and a Bluebell version of Kirk. Tom, being Tom, is upset at the prospect of killing deer. So he stalks them to the cabin in the woods where he throws the shells into the fire pit and bullets go off. This is why I love Tom.
Lavon and George end up walking alone (don’t remember why, but it is necessary) and George is using his lawyer superpowers to question Lavon.
Bridesmaids This Boring Bachelorette Party!
Lemon’s bachelorette is boring. Not a Bridesmaid by any standards until Magnolia gets her paws into it. Instead of the tastefully dull weekend Lemon wanted, she rents a stripper bus with naughty toys and edible underwear. She does as good of a job as Kristen Wiig did at planning it. Speaking of, Magnolia and Annabeth have a weird sideplot together as they salvage these turns of events because Lemon is about to cry. I secretly rejoice.
But not so much later when she is crying for reals, Lemon finally fesses up to the affair, which is devastating to George. I think. George seems upset, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s relieved. Like, relieved that he doesn’t have to marry this crazy; he doesn’t seem as devastated as losing his dad, per say. Regardless, George breaks off the wedding.
Later, Magnolia comforts Lemon. By the way, Lemon wears a LOT of makeup. I know it is TV, but still. Watching Lemon cry is like watching chalk get wet. And Lemon, in her crazy predictability, remains crazy and in denial: The wedding is not off to her. So they continue with their trashy bachelorette party and Magnolia begins to understand gratitude that she is not as messed up as big sis.
Former Smallville hottie Justin Hartley visits as Jesse. He establishes a cute retort with Zoe since he sprained his wrist with a ninja or antiquing. I can’t decide. Jesse is just so adaptable to date Zoe that he goes along on the stripper bus and wears the tee shirt. He’s just the best sport, clearly a good catch. He and Zoe have adorable chemistry! And also familiar chemistry…
Because Jesse is Wade’s brother. Oh. Well, that explains that. Jesse, in addition to being an eco-geo-oceanographer person, is a war hero and Wade’s greatest bitter resentment. Unfortunately, the two must work together to defeat the bear that has wandered into the campfire (because bears are attracted to edible underwear. I wish I could always write sentences like that).
Of course, these two end up fighting about their issues while they are supposed to be quiet, looking for the bear. Hmmmm. Didn’t know the war would come up in this episode; to be honest, I never thought it would come up on this show, but it makes a lot of sense when I think about it. Wade is angry with Jesse for leaving him with all the responsibility of taking care of the town drunk. Jesse assumes Wade is angry about dating Zoe and because Jesse is successful. Then Wade says hurtful things about Zoe, calling her snobbish and selfish, which Zoe overhears.
Hurt, Zoe confronts Wade. Wade does make an interesting point: The men Zoe are attracted to are very successful. But those are his insecurities seeping out rather than an issue with Zoe being attracted to successful, yet kind of flawed, men. Because that’s a good characteristic in a woman; otherwise, you have girls falling for unrealistic Edward Cullens of the world.
Luckily, Zoe seems to get that this isn’t what he thinks about her. He just feels like the littlest boy when he is next to his big bro. So Zoe turns down Jesse to spare Wade’s feelings.
Oh Yeah, Earlier…
George and Zoe have two key scenes that will play into next week. The first is one of the first scenes in the episode where Zoe must lie to George after he confides that he saw Lemon and Lavon kissing. Isn’t it strange that George asks Zoe for advice? When he knows that Zoe is crushing on him? It confirms my quiet theory that George doesn’t mind calling off the wedding all that much, that he really isn’t devastated.
But it puts a halt onto any potential George-Zoe (until next episode). George is angry with Zoe for lying to him; Zoe is trying to protect all of her friends (though she only has, like, nine people that she talks to in that town). George announces that their friendship or whatever is over. He is just rejecting everyone tonight.
Lowe’s promotion crossover event with Hart of Dixie continues. Now Annabeth is painting. This is too great. It will make the AHAHAHAHA Moment every week it is on.
Emily E. Steck
(Image courtesy of The CW)
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