There’s a lot going on in tonight’s results show: we’re finally getting around to that 300th episode celebration, Avril Levigne and The Wanted are stopping by, and also I guess we’ll get our four finalists.

'Dancing with the Stars' Results: Who's in the Finale?

It’s hard to get too excited about that last one — we’ve had our top four for a couple months now — but maybe the sponsored Stars of Dance segment will be extra cool for the 300th episode or something. I’m not saying that tonight’s episode will be an exercise in fluffy redundancy, or that it will have all the suspense of a Blue’s Clues episode, but I am basically kind of saying that actually — ABC seems to think so as well, as they’ve axed these Dancing with the Stars Results shows from the upcoming fall season.

Next week’s showdown between Aly, Kellie, Jacoby and Zendaya will definitely be compelling television. ‘Til then, here’s Avril Levigne to play off Ingo.

The opening troop number is a reasonably glittery affair, drawing on the show’s venerable black, white and gold color scheme. We move on through our usual highlight reel, and then arrive at our first round of results:


Jacoby and Karina

Kellie and Derek are back to perform an encore of their red and black Argentine tango — I would have enjoyed a little more Afro jazz, but there’s no arguing with this routine’s skill and visual spark.

We then have a performance from ten year old Sophia Lucia, a young girl who recently broke the Guiness world record for most consecutive pirouettes. She seems as excited to hug Chelsie Hightower as she is to perform on the show, and is visibly ecstatic about both.

Tonight’s backstage filler montage involves the celebrities pointing cameras at their partners. The conclusion they arrive at is that — stop the presses here — the show is very hard and fun.

The Wanted performs now, because apparently some studio head has jumped the gun on the retro 90s boy band revival. Fun fact: the dude who manages the Wanted has inserted himself into the first paragraph of the band’s Wikipedia page, which tells you pretty much all you need to know about them.

Speaking of retro, Avril Levigne is still around. She sings a song about staying “forever young,” entitled “Here’s to Never Growing Up.” Oh honey.


Kellie and Derek

In Jeopardy:

Zendaya and Val

Not surprising; she hit a bit of a rough patch last night, and somebody has to be in the bottom half — still no risk whatsoever of going home.

Eliminated pros Sharna and Gleb get a showcase now, as they perform the dance equivalent of a tawdry romance novel cover, complete with wide open shirt and improbably billowing satin everywhere.

In Jeopardy:

Ingo and Kym


Aly and Mark

And it’s time for the “ultimate results,” in which our finalists are revealed:

Ingo Rademacher is eliminated.

So, there’s that.

Once again, our finalists are Kellie, Zendaya, Jacoby and Aly. Next week will be the first and last major throw-down in the competition, and unlike that dumb Avril Levigne song, you won’t want to miss it.

Ted Kindig

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV