The journey is about to end before it even began for one of the couples on Dancing with the Stars season 23. After two weeks of performances, scores, and votes, the pair with the lowest combined total will be eliminated.
For the past 12 seasons in a row, the first couple eliminated has always been either the one with the lowest score or the second-lowest score, which means Rick Perry or Jake T. Austin should be leaving. But as those Ryan Lochte protestors proved, anything is possible. Before the elimination, DWTS is giving us a full two hours of content with recaps of the first two weeks, special performances, and lots of behind-the-scenes footage.
LIVE…from Hollywood…this is Dancing with the Stars!
After Erin Andrews flubs her lines and Len Goodman lies by saying the caliber of dancing this season is very high, we get our first of MANY recaps tonight. The best part is getting to hear the judges, stars, and pros’ comments during the routines. We’re getting a lot of behind-the-scenes comments, which is a nice and different look at what really happens while we’re focused on the dancing. It’s fun to hear the pros telling their stars to smile and look at the camera while they’re dancing, but this is going to be a long night of filler.
After 15 minutes, it’s clear that a two-hour results show is pointless. Even one hour is stretching it, but this is too much. So I’ll only highlight the good stuff from these segments.
-Sasha Farber and Terra Jole pulled practical “jokes” on each other, involving him throwing a big rubber ball at her, knocking her down, and Terra getting revenge by throwing it into his head, causing him to drop his phone. I’m glad they can laugh about it, because that just seems violent.
-Watching Maureen McCormick’s first dance, Bruno Tonioli said “Look at the arm. The arm. The arm! Ugh!”
-For Jake T. Austin’s dances, there were a lot of “Ohhhhhhh”s and “Oh no”s from Bruno.
-Witney Carson and Derek Hough called Jana Kramer and Gleb Savchenko’s first routine a “Sexy mother.” They’re so pure and innocent they don’t even add the “f***er.”
-We get to see footage of Gleb’s underwear modeling photoshoot, with a Mirror Ball covering his bulge. Yes, please.
After the first hour of recaps, we finally get to results. Seriously, that entire first hour was pointless. But the second hour kicks off with a brightly colored pro routine.
THE RESULTS, PART 1
We’re starting with two couples being safe.
The first couple SAFE is…Laurie and Val!
The second couple SAFE is…Rick and Emma!
WTF??? Rick is safe right away? The highest and lowest-scored couples are both safe. This is TERRIBLE for Jake.
THE RESULTS, PART 2
It’s time for another four couples to learn their fates.
The third couple SAFE is…Marilu and Derek!
The fourth couple SAFE is…Babyface and Allison!
The first couple IN JEOPARDY is…Maureen and Artem!
The second couple IN JEOPARDY is…Ryan and Cheryl!
That makes sense given that Maureen and Ryan were in the bottom half of the leaderboard. I wouldn’t be sad to see either of them go, though Ryan being eliminated first after all that controversy would be awkward.
THE RESULTS, PART 3
The third round of results is for the last four of the male stars.
The fifth couple SAFE is…Calvin and Lindsay!
The sixth couple SAFE is…Vanilla Ice and Witney
The seventh couple SAFE is…James and Sharna!
The third couple IN JEOPARDY is…Jake and Jenna!
Yeah, Jake had the second-lowest score from the first two weeks and with Rick safe, he’s essentially doomed.
The Returning Pros:
We get a special routine with the big-name returning pros, Cheryl, Maks, and Derek. All of the other pros no how good these three are. Heck, they’re bigger stars than a lot of the actual “stars” competing on this show. It’s a great routine and the show is really promoting these three, which is funny since I doubt any of them will win.
THE RESULTS, PART 4
The last three female stars are left to get the big news.
The eighth couple SAFE is…Terra and Sasha!
The ninth couple SAFE is…Jana and Gleb!
The fourth couple IN JEOPARDY is…Amber and Maks!
So Cheryl and Maks came back after long hiatuses just to be in jeopardy in the first week.
THE FINAL RESULTS
It’s down to four couples. Jake had the second-lowest score with 46 while Maureen, Ryan, and Amber were all tied at the third-to-lowest scores with 48.
The first couple SAFE is…Maureen and Artem!
The second couple SAFE is…Amber and Maks!
So it’s Ryan or Jake. Either way, we’re losing some male eye candy.
Jake T. Austin and Jenna Johnson ARE ELIMINATED!
Aww, poor Jenna following in the footsteps of Keo Motsepe two years ago as a pro being eliminated on her first time. Jake wasn’t good, but he had a lot more potential than some of these stars.
Next week, things will work a little differently. On Monday’s hour-long episode, the 12 couples will face off against each other in six battles, with the winner in each one receiving immunity. The six losers will then face elimination on Tuesday’s results show, which will be ANOTHER two hours.
Dancing with the Stars returns with a special one-hour performance show Monday at 8/7c on ABC, right before the first Presidential Debate.
(Image courtesy of ABC)