Sure, ABC is set to announce the Dancing With the Stars competitors this week, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it on their time. The list of 12 Dancing With the Stars competitors and two alternates has leaked onto the web, which is practically as much of a tradition as the show itself at this point. While we don’t know who are the first tier picks for the competition, and who are the alternates, we do know the fourteen names. Beware of spoilers after the jump.
Aaron Carter: Aaron will be representing the washed up teeny bopper segment of the Dancing With the Stars demographic. How do you know you’re a washed up teeny bopper? You’re almost out of your teens, and you’re on a dancing competition.
Wayne Newton: Mr. Las Vegas. The seemingly age defying showman has some authentic chops. But can he dance?
Mark Cuban: Multi-bazillionaire, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Cuban will be filling the “I’m too rich and famous for this show” slot made famous by Paul McCartney’s ex-wife. What was her name again?
Jane Seymour: Dr. Quinn herself will be bringing the cure for the boogie woogie flu, hopefully it isn’t two left feet.
Scary Spice: She’s locked in a sickeningly public feud with Eddie Murphy, but aside from airing her dirty laundry, Scary is rumored to be joining the show in a non-dancing capacity.
Tori Spelling: Uh, former Beverly Hills, 90210 and reality show star. Oh, her daddy was one of the most respected producers on television too.
Jennie Garth: Two 90210 stars? We have to assume one is an alternate since there is a limited number of “Washed up prime time soap star” slots on the dance card.
Floyd Mayweather Jr: Sure, they call him “Pretty Boy,” but can he dance? We’ll soon find out.
Lou Ferrigno: TV’s Incredible Hulk hopes to prove that bulk can be graceful. Temper your criticism though, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
Nia Peeples: Daytime soap star. She’s looking great at 45, and rumored to be deadly on the dance floor.
Richard Quest: Oh, my. A CNN anchor. Quest is a distinctive reporter, but the piece they did on his dance training betrayed some below average chances for the reporter.
Gisele Bundchen: Supermodel. One of four models to have ever been featured on the cover of Rolling Stone.
Helio Castroneves: Race car driver. Look for Helio to bring some ultra competitive drive to the show.
Sabrina Bryan: Part of Disney’s manufactured pop troup the Cheetagirls. Yawn.
UPDATE: To see the official list from ABC, please see: ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Season 5 Contestants Announced
– Jon Lachonis, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of ABC)