In this episode of Bones, titled “The Final Chapter: The Flaw in the Saw,” Brennan and Booth visit a lumberjack competition in the midst of their own argument over science versus sports. Christine’s failure to ride a bicycle spurs the conversation about how best to approach all things requiring an understanding of physical dynamics. Meanwhile, Angela and Hodgins search for conclusive evidence to exonerate Zack of the Gormogon’s apprentice murder, but a completely unexpected obstacle puts an end to their research.
Also in this episode, Aubrey falls in love with a killer pancake recipe which proves to be its own kind of deadly. And in keeping with FOX’s promise to bring back as many beloved Bones veterans as possible, we have a cameo from Dave Thomas. You may recognize the name since Thomas has produced over 45 Bones episodes, five of which he wrote himself. If that doesn’t ring a bell, you may notice that he’s the same guy who portrayed Andrew Jursic, the pessimistic documentarian who had a love connection with Caroline in “The Blood for the Stones.”
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Chainsaws are Much More Exciting Than Golf Sticks
The body of lumberjacker Phyllis Paul is found sawed to bits in a dumpster full of animal guts. Phyllis was a golf instructor-turned-lumberJILL (that’s what they call female lumberjacks) whose fiance, Nancy Alpert, hated the wood-chopping that Pyllis had become enamored with. Phyllis had won more lumberjacking awards and cash than she ever earned as a golfer. Nancy hated the sport and said she had enough money to support both of them. Dead end so far, but then Nancy mentions the “golf stick” (that’s what Brennan calls a golf club) that a lumberjack fan threw through their living room window. So Brennan and Booth are off to a weekend lumberjack competition.
Sports Boil Down to Physics and Mathematics
On the way to the event, Brennan and Booth discuss sports. Brennan insists that sports are all about math, physics, geometry and science. Booth has one response: “No, no, no, no, no. No!” Earlier that morning, Christine had sworn off bike riding after a disastrous attempt with her father teaching her. Brennan, of course, was disgusted that Booth hadn’t taught Christine how to ride a bike using force, velocity, hypotenuse, Sir Isaac Newton, etc. Brennan had a whole eraser board full of explanations she felt would make for a more successful lesson.
Lumberjacking Success Through Blood, Sweat and the Pythagorean Theorem
Low and behold, when Brennan and Booth confront suspect and competitor Helga Thisk at the lumberjack competition, they find that Helga and Phyllis were actually friends. Phyllis was giving Helga mathematical calculations that she considered her secrets to award-winning lumberjack swings. Remember how a deranged fan threw a gold club through Phyllis’ window? It turns out a bunch of the fans hated Phyllis because she took her sweet time measuring tree trunks to figure out how to win each competition. Fans felt she was ruining the sport.
So it looks like Brennan had a good point about sports and math, and Helga had no reason to kill off Phyllis. I’m thinking that maybe fiance Nancy might have been jealous of Phyllis’ relationship with the beautiful (but married) Helga. Stay tuned.
Dr. Rodolfo Fuentes is Squint on Deck and He Wants to Play with Chainsaws
Hodgins makes the point earlier in the episode that all men love chainsaws. Ask your man, and he will tell you. When Rodolfo figures out that the striations on the deceased person’s bones are from a chainsaw, he tries to play it cool with Cam, hoping to get her to agree to subpoena all the chainsaws from the competition. Apparently, all chainsaws have a unique bite. Of course, they do. Why wouldn’t they? As all Bones fanatics are aware, all blades, bullets, cuticle removers and nail guns leave unique striae and particulates that lead back to the individual user — er, killer.
Instead, Cam has Rodolfo compare striae from sawed wood to those of the victim’s skeleton. Wah, wah, wah. Sorry, Dr. Fuentes. The good news is that the particulates Fuentes gives Hodgins lead back to some pesticides found on the golf club thrown through Phyllis’ window.
A Tree-Climbing Hater Points to the Pat-a-Cake Man
Gene Frong is a teenage lumberjack fanatic with a website called North East Lumber Sports Fans are the Bombest Fans! Frong works for his dad’s pesticide business, so this makes him our number one suspect for a while. When B&B confront him, he scales a tree trunk faster than Spider-Man. Booth cuts the boy down, and they finally get their interview.
Frong thought Phyllis was pretty cool and would certainly never kill her, he says. Frong points to the flapjacks vendor at the competition who had a running feud with Phyllis. As Cam found vegetable shortening in the wounds around Phyllis’ broken neck, things are not looking good for the pat-a-cake man.
Aubrey Eats Some Evidence
Who better to have a sit-down with Jack the flapjack king than forensic foodologist Agent James Aubrey? Aubrey makes love to a pile of buttery goodness and the two hit it off. Fortunately for Jack, he only uses butter, no vegetable oil. He and Aubrey have a titillating interlude about the secret ingredients Jack mixes into his family recipe, one ingredient being bacon bits in the batter. This cuisine artist cures and cuts his own pigs for the bacon. Remember that.
Now both Aubrey and I are in love with Jack. And all of a sudden, I’m hungry. Jack is off the hook, but he mentions that Phyllis was a food freak who bought all her own food and only ate healthy stuff. However, the previous Tuesday, she had wolfed down an enormous pile of Jack’s pancakes. Aubrey hears this and runs off, taking the rest of the pile of buttery heaven with him.
When he calls Booth to report, he says he suspects that Phyllis was stress eating. Interesting theory. Let’s see if it holds water.
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A Fungus Reveals the Scene of the Crime
Fungus that Hodgins found in the chainsaw tract leads the team to an old nursery, which turns out to be the crime scene where Phyllis’ body was dismembered. Besides lots and lots of blood, they also find a bloody flipline. That’s the length of metal rope that lumberjacks use to scale tree trunks. The flipline belongs to Phyllis, and it’s covered in vegetable oil. Someone must have sabotaged Phyllis’ competitions by lubricating her flipline so she wouldn’t win the climbing competition.
Cam then finds epithelial cells on the flipline, which lead back to the Maryland Volunteer Fire Department. And who does that point back to? Helga’s husband, Ragnar Thisk. What mother names their kids ‘Ragnar’? A Viking mom, that’s who. Glad we got that figured out.
Ragnar admitted to greasing the flipline but was too naive to realize that his wife was actually sleeping with Phyllis. Helga and Phyllis were planning to leave their lovers and run off into the sunset together. At this point, it looks like Phyllis’ fiance, Nancy, has to be the doer.
Hodgins and Fuentes Finally Get their Super Sexy Slow-Mo Saw Scene
None of the cut marks on the wood samples match the striations on the bone. They have to be from a regular consumer grade chainsaw. There is also proof of some hackings from an ax or a meat cleaver. Could it be the flapjack man?
Hodgins and Fuentes decide that the only way to determine the make and model of said chainsaw is to conduct their own experiment. In a fabulously sexy slow-motion sequence, Rodolfo and Hodgins line up a number of saws and go for the gold. It’s sexy and fun and all kinds of testosterone-y awesomeness.
Rodolfo Nearly Kills Himself to Solve the Murder
A strange mark on the bone can’t be ascribed to a moving or still chainsaw, so the boys go back to work with their experiment. In the process, one of the chains comes loose and takes a chunk out of Rodolfo’s leg, providing a scenario that matches the injury on the victim’s bone. Also found in the wound are bits of bacon grease. I guess it was Jack the flapjack man.
Flapjack Jack folds when confronted. He’d stolen the four-carat engagement ring Phyllis had purchased for Helga to pay off the loan on his flapjack truck. He killed Phyllis out of revenge for stealing his truck. And he felt no remorse doing it either. What a toady.
Cam Suspects Hodgins of Cooking the Evidence
Behind the scenes Angela and Hodgins are searching through the images and files about the lobbyist murder that Dr. Zack Addy was convicted of. Hodgins finds some particulates deep inside one of the bones. Inside those particulates is material with a human microbial signature that does not match Zack. That kind of evidence could identify the lobbyist’s killer and exonerate Zack Addy.
Sadly, when Hodgins brings his findings to Cam, she suspects that Hodgins may have made up the results so Zack could be set free. Whoa. That’s cold. I sense that we are not finished with this issue. It’s odd that Cam would dismiss evidence like this so readily. I would expect her to demand that the tests be rerun by someone else, perhaps, but to reject Hodgins’ findings and turn him away? That’s just strange. There must be more behind her behavior that we will not learn until later. So stay tuned, boneheads.
Booth and Brennan Resolve Their Science vs. Sports Argument
In the final scene, Brennan and Booth partake in a little lumberjacking competition of their own. Brennan has done all the math about log rolling, and Booth is, well, he’s just naturally manly and talented. The two jump on a log sitting in a pool of water to see who is able to stay on the longest. The winner earns the right to teach Christine how to ride a bike. Unfortunately, we never find out who won because the fall and subsequent splash happen while the credits roll.
Why is Cam being weird about Hodgins’ findings? What might she know that no one else does about Zack’s fate if he’s exonerated? What other characters did you seriously suspect of being the killer? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
Bones season 12 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on FOX. Want more news? Like our Facebook page.
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