Big Brother 9 is here, again. I’ve discovered my biggest problem with this season is that nothing really matters. Usually by this point there’s a side to root for and a side of evil. But now? The Alliance of Pairs as I call them (James/Chelsia and Joshuah/Sharon) are self-righteous and obnoxious. They’re like the Friendship, but worse.
On the other hand, we have the braggart Matt, his loyal puppy dog Natalie, big dumb Ryan, and the unlikely alliance of Sheila and Adam. I suppose I can root for the latter two, but their decision to align with these three losers, no matter how beneficial in the game, is highly suspect. Basically, this season’s Big Brother house is filled with nine different kinds of crazy, none of which is entirely appealing. In that way, it’s a lot like the 2004 Democratic presidential primary.
As is standard, we get about 13 hours of recaps chronicling James’ return, the epically long HoH endurance competition, James’ deal with Natalie to keep her and Matt safe, Matt lying about voting for the Mystery Box, and James’ revenge nominations of Sheila and Ryan.
Blue turns to color! Ryan and Sheila are understanding. Natalie and Matt are relieved that James’ stuck to his word.
Matt seems to have a change of heart regarding Natalie because of her deal. He promises to give her massages. Are her days of being a doormat really done?
Sheila’s a bit upset that people are so offended by her lying. Ha, she and Ryan are rationalizing that they lied to James and backdoored him, yet somehow think his nominations are unfair.
Matt, Ryan and Adam have Bible study. They talk about the Ark of the Covenant. Indiana Jones is referenced. A lot. I love it when people get their religious knowledge from movies. They plot to find the Ark of the Covenant when they get out. I smell Nicolas Cage‘s next film.
Sheila apologizes for being a raging bitch to Adam for the first few weeks.
James dons his detective cap to determine if Adam or Matt was the third vote not to bring him back. Natalie tries to save Matt, but Sharon knows she’s lying. She can tell because Natalie’s mouth is moving.
Joshuah notices three blocks in the hamster cage that spell out POV. Everyone freaks out for no reason. They notice the blocks are the same colors as the other stuff in the cage, and for some reason, they still think the colors mean something. Natalie insists Sheila study the hamster cage all night for clues.
Sheila has a nervous breakdown for no reason. Natalie goes out to rag on her to everyone.
Joshuah plays a cruel prank waking up Sheila and telling her the PoV competition is right away outside. To be fair to Josh, everyone plays along. Sheila takes it much better than she should.
Playing the PoV are: Matt (who doesn’t care), Chelsia and Joshuah. Natalie is sad, but she gets to host, which makes her happy. She must be the easiest girlfriend to have ever, so easily pleased.
The backyard is turned into a giant hamster cage. They say they’re guinea pigs, but I don’t know the difference, nor do I care.
Players transfer 500 blocks, two at a time, across a balance beam. If you fall off, you lose. First person to get all the blocks, or last man standing, wins.
Matt falls off after claiming how focussed he is. Joshuah is amused that Matt is a roofer, yet had no balance.
Ryan falls. Sheila is last, but her strategy is to hope everyone else falls while she goes slow and steady. If that’s her plan, why even walk, just sit down the whole time.
Sheila then drops a block, which eliminates her. Sometimes the tortoise loses.
Chelsia falls. Then James completes the task. He’s kind of a dick about having all the power.
Sheila’s campaign strategy is: “Come on.” Natalie isn’t sure, and Sheila is upset. This is compounded when Adam is also on the fence.
Sheila goes to James and rags on Adam and suggests taking her off and putting him up.
James talks to Adam, trying to deduce who the third vote was. Adam says he voted to bring James back. James isn’t so sure.
James tells Joshuah he’s using the veto. Then he tells Chelsia he’s putting Adam up.
James has a late night pow-wow with Chelsia about what to do with the veto. He pulls in Sharon for her opinion. Sharon does a horrible overacting job, acting like she’s just going up to use the bathroom.
Sharon tells James that Matt was the last vote to keep James out, and she’s certain of it. This makes him angry, so now he wants to put Matt up and evict him because he lied.
James keeps calling Sheila “Big She,” and it’s stupid. He doesn’t care about the deal because Matt lied.
PoV Ceremony! Ryan and Sheila go through the motions of pleading their cases. James takes Sheila off and puts up Matt! Sheila cries because she’s so grateful. Quite a difference a week makes. Last week, after the PoV ceremony, Matt went nuts saying how awesome he was. James says his decision was to break up the alliance of Matt and Natalie, because he was suspicious she made a deal to protect him too.
Matt is soooooooo defeated, it’s hilarious. Natalie claims God will avenge her and take James down, and that his eyes are dark brown because he’s so full of crap.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of BigBrotherCaps)