From the very beginning of Big Brother 14, there was speculation about whether the coaches would eventually enter the game as players. It wasn’t really speculation so much as certainty since last year proved that the producers love screwing over newbies and manipulating the game so that veterans can win. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am, and I hope the newbies are too. The last thing I want to see is another season full of Adam Pochs who are too scared to do anything and just let a veteran win.
Although it turns out all that anger I felt at the start of the hour completely vanished by the end. Because, somehow, the show found a way to bring the coaches into the game without it being totally unfair. It’s a Big Brother miracle!
Let the games begin!
Julie Chen lies to us right off the bat, acting like America’s Vote actually mattered. The coaches would’ve come in regardless and we all know it.
Previously on Big Brother: The whole “backdoor Frank” nonsense still makes me furious. The only reason he’s up is because Shane and Britney don’t trust Boogie because of something Ian said.
Ashley is happy after nominations, which proves how stupid she is because she was never in danger of getting evicted. Shane tells Frank he’s safe, which is a lie. Frank then tells Boogie that they have nothing to worry about. I’m annoyed by this entitled attitude from the coaches, that their players are obligated to tell every single thing they do to them. Britney tries to pacify Boogie by laying ALL OF THE BLAME on Ian for his totally harmless comment to Britney about there not being any “foreseeable circumstances” under which he’d nominate Shane.
Upstairs Janelle’s team lavishes praise on Shane for making such a huge, ballsy move. Shane says it’s either the best or the dumbest move of the game. My vote is for dumbest, because if it really is such a great game move, then NO ONE is going to want to take Shane to the end because he’ll win. Shane is basically taking out the player with the best chance to win the game, but now Shane is the player with the best chance to win, so every will try to get him out just like he got Frank out.
Janelle vs. Wil
Next up, we get to see why I keep calling Janelle a “sociopath.” She has no emotions and never cries. She didn’t cry when she finished third both times she played the game and she didn’t cry when she gave birth. She also wouldn’t cry if she went to a stranger’s funeral. She tells Britney that she’s never sad and never happy. She’s a freaking sociopathic robot!
At a Team Janelle meeting, Wil tries to stand up for Frank, claiming that he’s not the evil incarnate Janelle says he is. Then Janelle basically says she’s the only reason he’s still in the house. Wil, like me, is sick and tired of his coach dictating his entire game. Then, as soon as Wil leaves, Janelle calls him “a bitchy, bitchy guy” to the rest of her team.
When Wil expresses frustration with Janelle to Joe, Joe freaks out and immediately runs to Ashley and Janelle to tell them all about it, because Joe is totally incapable of keeping anything secret. I’m so sick of Joe and so angry that this utterly useless and awful player is still in the house. Janelle is upset that, if Wil flips, she’ll lose Joe and Wil.
That’s the most telling thing Janelle has ever said. If Wil turns on Joe, Janelle STILL has him on her team and her fate would still be tied to Wil. Unless Janelle knows she’s coming into the game and is talking about losing someone who will do whatever she says.
Janelle and Wil have a powwow to clear the air. Janelle gets “really upset” and starts “crying.” They’re fake, obviously, because we know Janelle never cries. Luckily, Wil is smart enough to know how fake Janelle is and promises that he does not trust her at all. Wow, Wil just went from one of my least favorite HGs to my favorite.
Dan vs. Danielle
Dan considers an offer to work with Boogie and brings it back to Danielle. But instead it turns into Dan ordering Danielle to stop flirting with Shane and stop crushing on him. Dear God, when did this become Romeo and Juliet? Dan wants his player to be a “cutthroat assassin.” He also makes fun of Shane Meaney being Mr. Vermont 2008 from Cosmo magazine, and then mocks Rachel’s famous “No one gets between me and my man” line. Damn, Dan is so insanely likeable.
Julie and the HGs
Ian says he’ll use the $3,000 Boogie gave him for food and rent. Boogie has no qualms about taking the most money. Julie asks Danielle to rate her kiss with Shane, and she gives it a 10. Shane ups it to a 10.5. Seriously, did I accidentally change the channel to Bachelor Pad?
Julie and Shane
Shane essentially admits to getting all mixed up because of the coaches. Julie calls him out on his flip-flopping over Frank. Shane admits that he trusts Boogie less than Frank, and that’s the reason for everything.
There’s a brief segment about Frank’s dad, professional wrestler Sid Vicious. Their relationship is awkward to say the least since he was in his father’s shadow.
America’s Vote: The Coaches Twist
Before the vote, Julie tells the HGs that America has voted on whether to offer the coaches the chance to play the game.
America voted…YES! The coaches will get the chance to join the game as players. If they say “Yes,” there will be NO eviction and everyone will get to play for HoH tonight. But if they said no, next week some of the evicted players would get to come back. If any coaches decide to reset the game, then all the coaches automatically come in.
Britney chooses to come into the game!
Boogie does NOT choose to enter the game!
Dan chooses to enter the game!
Janelle chooses to enter the game!
Oh snap, this is ON! It’s also funny that Boogie is the only one who said no even though his guy was the one going home.
The Game is Reset
Um, wow, I’m speechless. The game is literally reset. There’s no eviction tonight, the coaches are playing the game, everyone is competing for HoH. In other words, NOTHING MATTERED! I would normally be angry that the first three weeks were utterly pointless, but this is probably the only FAIR way to let the coaches into the game, so I kind of love it.
The HoH Competition
So we’re back to day one. Who will be the first HoH of the new game? Even Shane gets to play. The HGs are on a thin plank on a pirate ship, and the last person standing wins. It’s endurance and it’s just like the surfboards of season 12 or the skis of season 13. I’ll be providing a live blog all night until we have a winner. And there’s rain, which could hurt people like Janelle and Britney who said they do very badly with being wet.
Read the Endurance HoH Live Bloog to See Who Wins>>
(Image courtesy of CBS)