We’re almost at the end of Big Brother 13. The finale is less than two weeks away and after tonight, there are still five HGs remaining, meaning three more will get evicted over the final five episodes. Tonight it’s between Adam and Shelly in the ultimate vote of “Which useless floater do you want to keep around a little while longer?” Adam has only won one competition, the corn hole veto that Jeff and Daniele let him win. Meanwhile, Shelly hasn’t won anything. It’s a bit like choosing between two Jordans.
There’s also another “must-win” HoH for all the HGs, but is it really? Looking at Big Brother history, only two HGs have ever won the final five HoH and the game (Jun in season 4 and Evel Dick in season 8), so winning tonight’s competition isn’t a good sign for someone’s chances of winning the game. In fact, five of the 11 HGs to win this HoH have finished in third place and two more went out in fourth, so the odds are pretty bad.
But enough of my super nerdy Big Brother stat trivia (even though it makes me feel like Daniele, who had notebooks filled with details on every past season in preparation for this year). On with the show!
If you live on the East Coast, odds are Big Brother 13 is being preempted by pre-season football. Why couldn’t that NFL lockout have lasted a little longer? But I’m here to help you out.
Previously on Big Brother 13: “I’m still foo fat,” Adam’s explanation for why he lost. How about just “You suck at competitions.” Because Kalia isn’t exactly the skiniest person in the world, but she stayed on a lot longer than he did.
I’m getting sick and tired of the “official” narrative for the week that this duo twist isn’t blatant producer manipulation to get the outcome they want, which is what it is. Hopefully there will be no more twists to help Rachel and Jordan get to the end.
Ugh, Julie Chen just made it sound like Rachel is some sort of folk hero, triumphing over adversity to win the veto. Um, no, she beat a bunch of losers. It’s amazing how these veterans are getting the best edit ever.
That’s followed by Jorchel (Jordan and Rachel) doing the most obnoxious joint diary room session ever. Meanwhile, Porsche wins the prize for best comment, claiming that a trained monkey could’ve done her job at the veto ceremony.
Shelly spends three hours with the creepy Fortune Teller hoping it will give her a special power. It’s bad enough producers helped Rachel and Jordan stay this week, but now they’re taunting Shelly by turning on the Fortune Teller and giving her false hope.
Without a power, Shelly’s argument to Rachel is that she’s actually played the game while people like Adam are floating through. Rachel does admit that Shelly may be playing the best game of the season, but that only makes it that much worse, because the woman who loves to talk about how awful floaters are is going to keep the biggest floater of the season.
Then Adam campaigns to Rachel and Jordan, and it reveals why I hate him. He seems genuine when he says he wants to go to the final three with Rachel and Jordan, then compete and, if he loses, he’s OK with finishing in third place. He’s actively choosing to give himself a worse shot at winning the game. That’s just stupid.
Chen Time: Julie asks Jordan about Rachel as a partner, and their dynamic is best represented by the fact that Rachel interrupts Jordan’s answer to gloat about how awesome she is.
Jury House: Brendon plays ping pong with himself, and as always, he’s infinitely more awesome without Rachel dragging him down. Daniele comes in and tells Brendon “I’m not used to being a loser like you.” Ha, I really do love her, even if she is a mean beeyotch. Daniele then throws Adam under the bus for his bad gameplay. I’m happy that, with Daniele in jury, there’s no shot of Adam winning this game, although if he’s sitting next to Jordan, my soul may die.
Next, Jeff walks into the jury house. Daniele says she would’ve stayed true to Jeff and Jordan, but she’s also very happy that her alliance is doing so well in the house. I adore Daniele so much, but I understand why people hate her. But she has a great sense of humor about being evicted. Watching the PoV competition, Jeff sees that he threw one of his shoes out of the box and had no shot of actually winning during the double eviction. He is now forever haunted by clown shoes.
Porsche and Julie: Their one-on-one chat is about the regret over opening Pandora’s Box. Porsche also admits to wanting to sit next to a newbie, preferably Kalia, at the end. She’s smart enough to know that if it’s a newbie vs. a veteran, all the veterans in jury (not counting Daniele) would absolutely vote for the veteran, so she’d already be three votes down. That might be the worst part, that if Jordan made the finale with a newbie, Rachel and Brendon would probably vote for her to win despite the fact that she’s an awful competitor.
Nominee Speeches: Shelly sends love to the best alliance ever, her husband Tony and her daughter Josie. Then she pleads with Rachel and Jordan to keep her because she’s 100 percent with them. Wow, the look on Kalia’s face as Shelly abandons her is hilarious. Adam’s speech is boring in comparison.
Kalia votes to evict…ADAM (wow, even after that speech?)
Rachel votes to evict…SHELLY
Jordan votes to evict…SHELLY
SHELLY IS EVICTED 2-1.
Well, now it’s pretty obvious that it’s Adam, Jordan and Rachel vs. Kalia and Porsche. It’s amazing how Rachel and Jordan went from underdogs to overdogs all because of a stupid Pandora’s Box. Shelly is pretty cool in her interview with Julie and explains that she flipped on Jeff when she did because he wasn’t playing in the HoH competition and she didn’t think she’d have another chance to get rid of him. Wow, Julie Chen is hammering Shelly on flipping on Jeff. Come on, people, cut the old lady some slack. Stop going along with this narrative that Jeff and Jordan are saints and Shelly is an evil she-monster.
Rachel is classless as always in her goodbye message. God, has she done any nice ones all season? I don’t care if she wins every competition for the rest of the season, I will never root for her to win. I’d rather see Adam or Jordan win than Rachel at this point.
The HGs have to run through some goo and are given 13 minutes to collect as many donuts as possible, one at a time. Great, another physically taxing competition that’s almost custom-made for Rachel to win. She gets off to a huge start in the first minute with Adam close behind. Jordan and Kalia are way behind and seem out of the running after just 60 seconds.
Another competitio running past the episode? Ugh. Especially since it’s obvious Rachel will win. But I’ll be back in a bit with the results.
See Who Won the HoH Competition>>
Also, Sunday we get a special celebrity Pandora’s Box and Wednesday will be a special eviction episode. Then Thursday will have ANOTHER eviction and we’ll be down to three.
(Image courtesy of CBS)