All bad things must come to an end, and with this live eviction episode of Big Brother 13, I’m referring to Brendon and Rachel. The overly aggressive, arrogant, and emotionally unstable power couple once again face the consequences of their alienating actions as Brendon is nominated against sweet, beloved Jordan. Between the crying, the snuggling, and a fake Brenchel wedding, this week has been an exhausting bipolar rollercoaster for viewers, so I can only imagine how bored with their B.S. the other HGs are.
But this episode of Big Brother 13 will not only bring an end to their unholy alliance (because, barring an act of God, Brendon will be evicted) but also brings us a new HoH and an interview with Evel Dick, who tragically left early for mysterious, personal reasons. Let’s get to it.
Previously on Big Brother:
“Whoops,” Jeff’s comment to Jordan about how he would go back on his deal to keep Daniele safe if he wins HoH. I know I wrote about how much I hated Jeff last week, but I may be turned around, mostly because he sarcastically refers to himself as “Big Jeff” all the time.
Jeff wins me over a little more by calling Brendon’s decision to save Rachel a “curve ball-aroo.” Jordan’s only problem is that she bought an eviction dress and doesn’t want to risk never getting to wear it. On the opposite side of the spectrum, Rachel is reduced to a crying mess of a human being, thus proving that she’s the saddest and most dependent woman ever. Even Brenchel’s closest allies, like Jeff, are not eager to work with Rachel and her “head case” emotions.
Campaigning for Votes:
Brendon tries to convince Shelly, Porsche, and Adam to keep him over Jordan by throwing Jordan under the bus as fast and as hard as possible. They also promise all three of them that they will never go up, which is not practical or believable. Shelly is still continuing her role as an insanely deceitful player who must choose which side she’s on: Jeff and Jordan or Brendon and Rachel. Daniele is the voice of reason, telling them that Brendon and Rachel are making a ton of deals and can’t possibly live up to all of them.
Rachel’s Big Meltdown:
Porsche talks to Daniele in the HoH room and Rachel is furious that her alleged best friend is fraternizing with the enemy. I guess no one is even allowed to talk to Daniele without it being a Judas-level betrayal. Porsche tries to explain to Rachel how she needs to calm the hell down and quit being such a miserable human being, so Rachel then goes into a depression spiral bigger than ever before, telling Brendon that him asking her to marry him was a big mistake and that she’s stupid and a bad person. I agree. This is a painful display of an emotionally unstable and desperately needy person, and I have no sympathy for her.
Adam does his elf dance for the Chenbot. Then Rachel gets to go on and on about her “once-in-a-lifetime love” saving her.
Evel Dick Interview:
He’s disappointed in his daughter’s terrible gameplay. He agrees with Brendon and Rachel that Daniele’s game is based on trying to escape his shadow and prove she’s a great player on her own. He also hates that she played grab-ass with Dominic and did the same thing she did with Nick in season 8. Wow, Evel Dick is throwing his own daughter under the bus big time. I’m guessing this interview won’t help their strained relationship when she gets out of the house and sees it.
Dani and Julie:
Ha, Rachel didn’t get one-on-one time with Julie Chen in either of her HoHs, but both Jordan and Daniele get it. Daniele’s only regret is trying to backdoor Jeff two weeks too early. Daniele thinks that her dad thinks her moves are insane and wrongly thinks he supports her. Daniele doesn’t think there’s any chance of working with Rachel, saying Rachel is playing purely personal and will probably want to kill Daniele after the game.
Brendon starts to choke up talking about how Rachel is his soulmate and, despite claiming he won’t cry, he totally does. Jordan is nice, short, and sweet, as always.
Jeff votes to evict…BRENDON
Rachel votes to evict…JORDAN (and the audience totally laughs at her)
Kalia votes to evict…BRENDON
Adam votes to evict…BRENDON
Porsche votes to evict…JORDAN
Lawon votes to evict…BRENDON
Shelly votes to evict…BRENDON
BRENDON IS EVICTED 5-2.
Wow, interesting that Porsche stayed true to Rachel, which should, hopefully, make her less crazy following Brendon’s absence. Brendon and Rachel hug and he picks her up and spins her to cheer her up one last time. Brendon tells Julie he saved Rachel for love, but in reality, it was more of a practical matter since he has more to do outside of the house. Brendon does, surprisingly, think Daniele will last a few more weeks. Kalia is very mean, saying that getting him out was easier than rocket science. Daniele is similarly snarky, Jordan promises a nice wedding gift with Jeff’s $10,000, and Rachel cries some more.
A New Twist:
Julie Chen tells the HGs that whoever gets evicted this week might get to come back into the game, but that’s all she says. Then she tells us that America will vote for which of the four evicted HGs we want back, and that person will battle the person evicted next week to return. So will it be Keith, Cassi, Dominic or Brendon? Um, it’s gonna be Dominic, because who doesn’t love him? I’m excited to see them battle and equally excited that Julie Chen didn’t explain the whole twist to the HGs, because it will make them even more paranoid than before.
It’s a Knockout where the HGs face-off in questions about the three previously evicted HGs, Keith, Cassi, and Dominic. Ooh, these are always super tense.
Jordan vs. Kalia: Jordan is out.
Rachel vs. Lawon: Lawon is out.
Kalia vs. Adam: Adam is out.
Rachel vs. Porsche: Rachel is out.
Jeff vs. Shelly: Jeff is out.
Kalia vs. Porsche: Porsche is out.
Shelly vs. Kalia: Shelly is out.
KALIA WINS HOH!
OMG!!! Kalia just proved herself big time! She had to win four times, and no one else won more than once. That was intense, and Rachel can call Kalia a lot of things, but floater is not one of them. I’m literally still shaking thanks to Big Brother 13’s brilliant way to create tension.
Kalia now becomes to only newbie other than Dominic to win a competition, and since she has a strong alliance with Daniele and Lawon, the Pajama Jam Gang will stay in power.
(Image courtesy of CBS)