The first week of Big Brother 11 was filled with excitement. There was gameplay, alliances, betrayal, backdooring, a racist outburst and plenty of self-righteous pomposity. How can they possibly expect to keep this up all season long?
The second week of Big Brother 11 might just hold the key, as its full-steam ahead on all cylinders. With nerd Ronnie as the Head of Household, the man who thinks he’s the ultimate player now has an even bigger head, and if you’re looking for someone who thinks Ronnie and his alliance of holier-than-thou imbeciles are great, go somewhere else. I’m 100 percent on Jeff, Jordan and Laura’s side, which means this is going to be a very bad week for me.
There’s something disgustingly ironic for CBS to go from an hour-long tribute to Walter Cronkite straight into an episode of Big Brother. First we got to see everything that was once right about television and this country, and that’s followed by what the state of TV has become.
The remaining houseguests smell something rotten in the state of Braden-mark. Lydia and Chima are quick to boast and brag about how wonderful they are and how righteous they are.
That’s quickly followed by Ronnie winning HoH and comparing himself to Darth Vader. He thinks he can safely play both sides by blaming Michele for the switched vote. The problem is that Ronnie is a terrible liar and Laura is 100 percent certain it’s him, but because has all the power, no one can call him out on it.
What makes it all worse is that Ronnie thinks he has everyone convinced it was Michele, and Russell is in awe of how brilliant his play is. It’s like an insane asylum, where the delusional mental patients all think they’re the doctors.
Adding insult to injury is the fact that poor, sweet Michele gets her head chewed off by a super-bitchy Chima, who is as unstable as a one-legged man. She’s furious that her clique-mate voted for her to leave, not realizing that other than the artificial cliques that Big Brother created, Chima is of absolutely no value to Michele (or society, for that matter).
Laura tries to spread some goodwill by explaining her theory about Ronnie’s constant deception to Chima, Lydia and Kevin about. Apparently it’s wrong for Laura to talk about Ronnie behind his back, but he can meet up with his clique of freaks, geeks and jocks to talk smack about Laura.
Ronnie’s HoH room features a giant bubble wand and the original cast recording for Legally Blonde: The Musical. Jeff and Casey respond appropriately, with open-mouthed disgust. I only say that because Ronnie is supposed to be a huge nerd and it should be the Battlestar Galactica soundtrack so he can listen to Bear McCreary’s “All Along with Watchtower.”. In reality, the Legally Blonde soundtrack is awesome and I wish I was listening to it right now.
Casey, Jordan, Laura, Michele, Jeff and Ronnie hang out in the backyard and try to debate who betrayed their alliance. Everyone knows its Ronnie, but Ronnie keeps denying it. Once again, Ronnie thinks he’s a super genius, but there is not a single person outside who is fooled by his really crappy acting.
And now we’ve entered the Hypocrisy Zone. Big Brother always ends up here, but usually it takes a little bit longer. This is the place where the dumb-ass HGs think they’re great, but think everyone else who does the exact same thing is awful.
Examples include: Ronnie talking behind Laura’s back about how she shouldn’t talk behind his back. Ronnie blaming Michele for betraying the alliance and then telling others not to blame him. And Ronnie telling the truth to his jock alliance, but complaining when Laura does the same thing.
I can respect playing the game by lying and scheming, but Ronnie’s delusional idiocy counteracts that.
Two HGS will get to see an advanced screening of the new Katherine Heigl film The Ugly Truth. If I wanted to watch commercials for really crappy romantic comedies, I wouldn’t use my DVR to fast forward through them.
Dan, the winner from last season, is the special host. Jessie doesn’t care, but Kevin is turned on and wants Dan’s phone number. I’ll second that. There are some convoluted rules, but since it’s all shameless product placement, who really cares?
The only funny things to come out of it are that Lydia and Kevin don’t know anything about each other despite being alleged BFFs and that Jessie likes big butts.
What I care about is why Katherine Heigl is famous? She’s woefully overrated on Grey’s Anatomy, and the only time she’s had a successful movie is when it was written by Judd Apatow, and that had nothing to do with her. She is certainly no Julia Roberts, so hopefully once this piece of garbage fails, Heigl will stop making bad movies.
Anyway, Casey and Chima win the movie, which is upsetting to Casey because Chima is a stuck-up bitch. They also have to pick which clique are the Have-Nots, and Casey wants to penalize the jocks since they were safe last week, but Chima wants to target the popular kids because she’s a bitch.
Chima threatens to get Casey evicted if he goes against her, so he relents and the popular kids are taking cold showers and eating slop. Ugh, Chima is exactly what happens when those girls from My Super Sweet 16 grow up, and it makes me vomit in my mouth to see her get her way.
The people I like (aka, Jordan, Laura, Casey, Jeff and Michele) have fun mocking Jeff’s Chicago accent. Those are the only five people I would actually like to hang out with in the house.
On nomination day, the people I like make a futile attempt to convince Ronnie that the jocks are huge threats. Ronnie’s lies start when he tells Jessie and Natalie that the others want him to backdoor Russell. Actually, the backdoor idea was Ronnie’s, but I guess memory is unreliable when your head is up your ass.
In my pre-season predictions, I foresaw that Russell and Ronnie would become good friends, but it would just be Ronnie doing whatever Russell tells him because of his old high school inferiority complex about wanting to be a part of the cool kids. That’s exactly what’s happening, as Ronnie thinks he’s a part of the jock clique, but in reality, they talk about him behind his back every chance they get.
It almost makes me feel bad for Ronnie, that’s he’s just going to be strung along by the jocks until they don’t need him anymore. Almost.
The keys are removed one-by-one, and Ronnie ultimately reveals his true colors by nominating Jeff and Laura. That throws a huge monkey wrench into Ronnie’s plan to play both sides, because this move aligns himself squarely with one side, and he’s not in the middle anymore.
To his credit, Ronnie does put everyone on edge by making Jordan and Casey his first two keys, making the jocks feel nervous. That is quickly defeated by Ronnie’s pathetic speech where he says that he’s giving Laura and Jeff the opportunity to prove themselves in the PoV competition.
That’s the stupidest thing anyone has said this season. That’s like telling someone you just fired that you’re really giving them an opportunity to excel in other areas.
On Tuesday, found out who wins the PoV competition and whether it will be used again. Or just go to this spoiler to find out now.