Before getting into Big Brother 11, I encourage everyone to tune in about 10 minutes early every week to watch Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes. It’s the most fascinating thing on TV every week, and today he wentthrough the various kitchen utensils he has and wonders why he needs somany.  It’s fantastic because for the first time, you can actuallywatch as senility sets in.

Anyway, tonight on Big Brother 11, Chima’s reign as the Queen ofSheba began, unaware that due to Jeff’s Coup d’Etat, none of thismatters.  What does matter is a conversation about spiders, theWizard’s power and the random invasion of Jeremy Piven.  Oh yeah, andone of the HGs tells probably the saddest and most awful stories I’veever heard.

The most hilarious moment of the episode had nothing to do with Piven.  Jeff and Jordan had a conversation about spiders, wondering where the webs come from, what they’re made of (Jeff thinks the webs are made of “web”) and how they have sex.

That was followed, almost immediately, by Chima telling a story of how she was “raped by a serial killer.”  I’m 100 percent serious, and those are Chima’s exact words.  I’m still in shock, but my other reaction is total respect for Chima.  She told her story matter-of-factly and didn’t flinch when she said the guy was killed courtesy of the death penalty.  She’s not a victim, she’s an incredibly strong woman, and I promise to never again mock Chima for the rest of the season, even when she’s being a super-duper diva.

This episode is all about making me feel sympathy for the alliance I dislike, because I also start to feel really bad for Jessie.  The ridiculous love triangle escalates, and Jessie is just a big dumb guy who doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that these two totally psycho chicks (Lydia and Natalie) are both obsessed with him.

Jessie just wants to play the game and not get bogged down in this personal drama, but unfortunately for him, Natalie and Lydia are even dumber than he is and can’t understand the difference between strategy and personal issues.  Luckily for Jessie, Chima wants to keep her alliance safe, so she decides to play marriage counselor and target Lydia.

However, none of Chima’s nominations really matter, because Jeff has the power of Coup d’Etat, the mystery power that everyone in the house calls “The Wizard.”  I know most people probably think of the Wizard of Oz, but my mind goes to the excellent Fred Savage movie about Nintendo.  I can literally see Jeff wearing the Power Glove, and it’s awesome.

Piven stopped by to shamelessly promote his new movie The Goods, which is the special reward for this week’s luxury competition.  He’s moderately amusing, but I’m with the Emmy voters who snubbed him this year after giving him award after award for his role on Entourage.  Jeremy Piven was cool back when he was John Cusack’s second banana, but now that he thinks he’s too cool for David Mamet plays, he’s way too full of himself.

Week 5 Nominations: Russell and Lydia

In the end, Chima picks entirely personal nominees rather than strategic, going after Russell because they broke up and Lydia because she’s coming between Natalie and Jessie.  Wait, I thought they graduated from the stupid high school clique thing?  I guess not.

However, the best is saved for last, as after the nominations, Jessie still admits he’s only worried about the Wizard or, as he calls it, “the Unicorn that comes in and says ‘Jessie, you’re out.'”  Wow, Psycho Lydia was right all along, Jessie really does dream about unicorns!

-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.