#15 Jeanine and Ade – Samba
A Samba lacking proper Samba Rolls is no Samba at all.
#14 Jeanine and Brandon – Waltz
Despite looking beautiful, this waltz lacked the cement that holds a waltz together: rise and fall, feather footed musicality, and effortless grace.
#13 Kayla and Kupono – Broadway
While we still haven’t been able to pin point exactly what, something big was off about this routine. It was well choreographed and technically well performed by two talented dancers, but completely lacked connection between the pairing.
#12 Ashley and Kupono – Hip Hop
This performance was proof that all the attitude in the world and liquid leggings can’t make up for painfully poor synchronicity.
#11 Randi and Evan – Samba
While Randi and Evan were going for burning jungle passion, they couldn’t shake their Broadway Boy or Unitard Girl persona’s for this routine. Neither dancer got down and dirty enough with the Samba, Evan looked pose-y and ridiculous in his dance jumpsuit. Randi did her best booty shaking, but the final result was a campy samba, not the sexy one they set out to perform.
#10 Karla and Jonathan – Hip Hop
Goodness knows I hate to agree with the Queen of the Street, Toni Basil, but this routine had none of the “ghetto groove” needed for a believable hip hop routine. While Karla was believable, the flashy fail, silver pants performance from ballroom cutie Jonathan was enough to ruin the entire routine.
#9 Melissa and Ade – Cha Cha
From the outfits, to the technique, to the chemistry this routine fizzled where it should have sizzled.
#8 Tony and Paris – Hip Hop
This routine was our first clue that hip hop this season might be lacking. Though it wasn’t the worst hip hop of the season, Tony and Paris looked like they were going through the steps, instead of feeling them. Furthermore, Pageant Queen Paris hit her moves much harder than hip hopper Tony. The routine was completely unmemorable at best.
#7 Caitlin and Jason – Paso Doble
A Paso Doble is all about power and passion, unfortunately for Caitlin and Jason the only part of their performance that was passionate or powerful was the music.
#6 Jeanine and Phillip – Tango
We think Mary Murphy was more than a little bit nice when she gave this routine an “A+ for effort and a C- technique.” The routine had none of the sexy staccato needed for an Argentine Tango, but it did offer all kinds of awkward.
#5 Caitlin and Jason – Hip Hop
Hello Hip Hop 101. Instead of looking like the accomplished dancers we know them to be, Caitlin and Jason looked like a Britney Spears and Michael Jackson impersonators doing a You Tube routine.
#4 Kupono and Randi – Paso Doble
This will forever be remembered, by me at least, as the Awkward Pirate Doble. Kupono was swishy when he was supposed to be powerful, Randi stumbled and almost fell, and the routine had more missed connections than Craigslist.
#3 Asuka and Vitolio – Broadway
Asuka and Vitolio danced this ragtime inspired Broadway routine the way a neurologist performs brain surgery. Technically perfect, but emotionless, aloof, and cold.
#2 Jeanine and Phillip – Russian Folk
A routine so painful to watch it left Nigel and I both begging for vodka. This routine was kitschy in all the wrong ways, Jeanine never once turned off her sexy face for it, while Phillip looked mortified throughout. We don’t blame him.
#1 Katie Holmes
The most heavily pimped “dance” of the season, was doubtlessly the most disappointing. Plus, there’s a reason we put dance in quotation marks.