I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way.  That’s my mantra for this season of Big Brother, as week after week the HoH acts like Fredo and breaks my heart.

'Big Brother 11' Recap: Make Like a Banana and Split
Now comes yet another dagger with the week 3 Power of Veto.  Last year the Power of Veto was used only three times during the whole season.  Now Big Brother 11 has started with three consecutive uses of the PoV.  It seems like in the Big Brother house, the safest place to be at the start of the week is in one of the nominations seats.

Post nominations, Michele and Jordan aren’t entirely confident in their status as pawns.  Jordan had better get used to it, because she’s a permanent pawn in this game.  Jeff tells her this exact thing and wants her to stop having a pity party.  They still think the plan is to backdoor Ronnie, but Jessie has other things on his mind, because Ronnie has yet to hose him.  Wait, did I just write that Jessie has things on his mind?  My mistake.

Jessie, Natalie and Ronnie have a slumber party where the HoH and his ice queen promise that Ronnie is safe this week.  Jessie compares Ronnie to a convicted felon, but Jessie trusts felons for some reason.  I’m guessing it’s because many of them have posters of him posing on their cell walls.

Jessie then goes about convincing the entire house that Ronnie isn’t a threat because he won’t go after any of them.  Sadly, they all fall for this.  Don’t they realize that if, God forbid, Ronnie wins HoH next week, this only leaves Jeff and Jordan, and if one of them won PoV, he would HAVE to go after one of the off-beats or jocks?

Equally pathetic is that the jocks are still all in the house, but Jessie somehow manages to convince Kevin and Lydia that weakening their clique by backdooring Casey is a good idea, and that Michele going home is an acceptable loss for Chima.  I’m pretty sure if they told the same thing to Jessie and Natalie about Russell, he wouldn’t listen.  Hell, as long as the clique is safe, Jessie’s dream HoH next week is probably Jeff.

The HGs are bored, which leads to a juvenile game of Truth or Dare.  Kevin is dared to cuddle with Jessie for 10 seconds.  Ronnie is then dared to give Casey a 20-second hug.  I’m not sure which one is more awkward or less desirable.  It all seems light-hearted for Russell and Natalie, but Casey is only suspicious that suddenly they’re all buddy-buddy with Ronnie.  Uh-oh, if history has taught us anything, it’s that signs of intelligent life must be immediately destroyed in the Big Brother house.

The nominees and HoH pick players for the PoV competition.  Michele picks Casey, and Jessie is upset that Casey got lucky with a 1-in-10 shot.  Later in bed he corrects that to a 1-in-6 chance.  Um, since Jordan already chose Jeff, and assuming there is only one HG’s Choice, that would actually be a 1-in-8 chance.  Either I’m a hardcore math nerd, or Jessie is a big dumb meathead who can’t do simple arithmetic.  Or, more likely, both are true.

Power of Veto Competition!

The six players (Jessie, Michele, Jordan, Jeff, Casey and Chima) put on pink jumpsuits and the backyard is a pig sty, literally.  Jordan is excited because she loves getting dirty and wants to wrestle in the mud.  Ratings would totally go up if her wishes were granted.  Once again, it would take a rocket scientist to figure out the rules of this competition, but basically, the HGs need to collect truffles worth different points.

Everyone gets dirty, except Princess Chima, who abhors filth.  I want so badly to slap her.  After five minutes of pig noises, yet another rule comes into play where HGs can draw an envelope and get either more points, less points, or a special surprise.

-Jessie wins $2,500 and scores 31 points thanks to a plus 5.

-Jordan scores 24.

-Jeff scores 22 points thanks to a minus 5.

-Chima scores 25 points.

-Casey wins a Margarita Party for the house and scores 22 points.  His envelope is a Banana Suit he must wear for a week.

-Michele scores 35 points thanks to a plus 7.  She wins the Power of Veto!

So let’s spell this out for the thinking-impaired.  Casey got hugged by Ronnie, he has to wear a Banana Suit for a week, and he gave everyone in the house a free Margarita Party.  So if Jessie actually backdoors him, then Casey is having the worst week ever and Jessie Iscariot is the world’s biggest a-hole ever for crapping on a guy down on his luck who just wants to give everyone a fun time.

Et tu, Jessie?

Michele goes upstairs to chat with Jessie about who should replace her, and when Jessie tells her that not a lot of people want Ronnie gone, she suspects that they’re working together.  Jessie also tells her that he’s happy the one person he had in mind didn’t win PoV, and since Michele is smart, she deduces that Jessie is targeting Casey.

But there’s nothing she can do with that information, but there is something Lydia and Kevin can do.  Since he’s in their clique and they finally wake up to the fact that the jocks are steamrolling this whole game, they consider the possibility of voting to save Casey.  For once in this game, Lydia says something smart, namely that she’s sick and tired of certain people (cough::Natalie::cough) feeling 100 percent safe every single week.

They tell Jordan, who tells Jeff, and proving that he’s as smart as Laura, Jeff says that if they don’t get rid of Ronnie, they’re all a bunch of idiots.  Jeff tells Casey about this, and since waiting won’t solve anything, Casey goes upstairs to confront Jessie about this nonsense.

What follows is the most serious conversation ever had between a bodybuilder and a man in a Banana Suit.  Casey tells Jessie that he’s not coming after him, but Jessie thinks he’s being coy by not actually saying that he’s backdooring Ronnie.

This is all so tragic because there’s nothing anyone can do.  It’s like watching a car speeding into a baby carriage in slow motion, and there’s nothing anyone can do but watch the inevitable unfold.  Everyone in the house knows that Jessie is going to backdoor Casey, but he’s not saying it, and worst of all is the fact that Jessie and his dumb little gang of goons think they’re being so clever.

At the Power of Veto meeting, Michele takes herself off the block, and as a surprise to absolutely no one, Casey is the replacement nominee.  Also as expected, Ronnie acts like he dodged a bullet and Jessie acts like he’s the untouchable king of everything.  Yeah, when your alliance wins HoH every single week, it’s easy to think you’re some type of genius.

To paraphrase Biff from Back to the Future, it’s time for Casey to make like a banana and get out of here.

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