Arbitrary predictions. They’re the best. For a frame of reference, let’s look at this little ditty I wrote about Natalie before Big Brother 9, who, prior to the start of the season, I predicted to win it all: “She’s going to have a legion of fans among male viewers – just look at her. It’s going to be a surprise win by a seeming underdog, but she’ll deserve it.” It turned out that Natalie was one of the most unlikable Big Brother participants in the history of the show. It’s not all bad, though; I predicted eventual winner Adam to come in second. Now, it’s time once again to put on my prediction skull cap, look into the crystal ball and guess who will triumph on Big Brother 10. The season premieres this Sunday, July 13, and now that we’ve caught our first glimpse at the thirteen fame-starved contestants, I can make informed, yet totally arbitrary, pre-season predictions.
For Big Brother 10: Completely Arbitrary Pre-Season Predictions, Part 2, Click Here
Since I fancy myself an expert at this sort of random guessing-game, I’ll lend you a wormhole into my brain. First, when concocting such silly predictions, one must group the houseguests by prospective alliances. Who is most likely to gravitate to whom? You’d like to think we live in a world where opposites can come together based on little more than a shared house. This is not the case. People with similar backgrounds and similar world views attract each other, while opposites generally repel. Cynical, yes, but the Arbitrary Predictions are no place for optimism. To give you all somwhere to start for the below predictions, I placed the thirteen houseguests into four distinct groups, for which I’ve already given woefully un-clever nicknames. They are as follows…
The D-Bag Parade – Jessie, Dan Memphis
The Coalition of Normal People – Libra, Brian, Steven
The Antique Club – Renny, Jerry, Ollie
The Legion of Temptresses – Keesha, April, Angie
The Odd Woman Out – Michelle, which leads me to my first prediction…
13th Place: Michelle
Nothing against Michelle, who could very well be a fine lady. She seems vaguely annoying, however, and doesn’t nicely fit into any of the above groups. There has to be at least one participant on Big Brother who brings little to the table, who the national audience doesn’t get to know, and who exits the house with a whimper.
12th Place – Renny
Renny, the 53-year-old New Orleans socialite, does not have a chance. If she plays it cool, sticks with her fellow older players, the house will accuse her of being a floater and resting on her laurels. If she is social and active in the game, especially with some of the younger men, the other ladies will be all, “No, she di – n’t.” Meaning, the younger females will either have no respect for her (if she floats), or have contempt for her gall in socializing with the viral men. The first time one of the twenty-something women gets HoH, Renny is gonzo.
11th Place – April
April has OCD, or so she says. People tend to exaggerate personality traits when attempting to gain a spot on a reality show. After Renny’s departure, both the Antiques and the Normals will want to retaliate against The Legion. April, with her irksome insistence on cleanliness, will be the sacrificial lamb. I also see April as a kind of Natalie-lite when it comes to Stage 5 Clinger-ism. She could very well become obsessed with Jessie or Memphis to the point of total repulsion.
10th Place – Jerry
Not that I want Jerry to go. Just the mere fact that he’s 75-years-old makes me root for him. But, despite the entire house enjoying his sage-like presence, the community will also realize that the further they allow Jerry to go, the better chance he has at winning it all. That may sound stupidly obvious, but if Jerry makes it to the final vote, he’s a shoe-in for the 500k. The house has to nip his presence in the bud, and they will, making America sad.
9th Place – Memphis
The first member of The Parade to go home. By this point, the Normals will have become utterly fed up with the D-Bag nonsense, and Memphis’s ousting will be an out and out declaration of war. Tensions will rise, and that will be that.
8th Place – Ollie
Ollie, despite the anti-gay stance, will lay low for the early part of the game. At this point, however, he will be completely out in the cold with no alliance members to speak of. I expect Ollie’s eviction to be orchestrated by Angie and Keesha who will not yet have decided whether to side with the Normals or the Parade. Ollie will do his best to save himself, but the warring factions realize that floaters cannot be tolerated, thus ending Ollie’s time in the Big Brother house.
Come back Thursday afternoon for Part 2 of the Arbitrary Predictions
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of CBS)