At the end of last night’s Bachelorette finale, Chris Harrison promised us the most entertaining, dramatic and controversial season of Bachelor Pad ever. Which means one thing: drama. If that doesn’t get you jumping on the couch with excitement, I don’t know what will.

The potential is there: Everyone still remembers what a big meanie Kalon is, and we’re all expecting him to say other awful things. Lovable Stags is there probably to get his heart broken — yet again. There’s Ed/Reid, and plenty of scheming women. And this season, the show brings on some super fans, who I’m just hoping aren’t also super annoying. Just play the game, folks. There’s so much at stake: Love!

Oh, and $250,000.

So let’s get the season started!

Meet the Bachelor(ette)s

Chris – His broken heart over Emily is still mending, but he sees this as a way to help the healing. Wink wink. Mentions Lindzi as someone he has his eye on.

Lindzi – After coming in second during Ben’s season, she’s coming into Bachelor Pad thinking, “What happened?” As am I. She tells Chris they’re going to “own this.”

Ed – Admits he’s not an angel, and said there was “some truth” to tabloid stories about his infidelity while with Jillian. So basically he’s a cheating jerk. When he sees Chris, he wonders what he’s doing there. I do too, especially in those pants and salmon jacket.

Nick – From Ashley’s season, he’s ready to show who he “really” is. He doesn’t get a chance to do that, as he doesn’t get an intro clip like most of the others do.

Rachel – Another from Ben’s season who didn’t really open up that much but is going to now.

Sarah – A friend of Erica Rose‘s from Brad’s season.

Ryan – The now 32-year-old virgin from DeAnna’s season is what we’re told about him. Hey, just be confident.

Reid –
Dumped by Jillian — twice. At least I’m reminded of the awesome sneakers he wore with his suit when he proposed to her. He’s all ragey and wanting to get payback on Ed.

Blakely – Claims she’s grown up a lot since Ben’s season and loves being a waxer. Loves Jaclyn.

Jaclyn – She says Blakely is actually a frenemy, uh-oh! Says she’s clearly going further than her because of her college education. We’ll see about that. Jaclyn says she can be fake and manipulative: “the whole package.” Man, is that what I should be doing? Says Blakely is 82. Really. Really?

Tony – He left during Emily’s season to be with his son … and now he’s ready to fully leave him in order to find true love.

Jamie – Hates Jaclyn. Says she’s grown up a lot since leaving Ben’s season. We’ll see how mature all of these “grown-ups” really are.

Stags – The champ is back! He just wants to have fun this time around.

Erica Rose
What did she say? I’m distracted by her shiny, unmoving upper lip. She’s back for another round, folks. Oh, and she’s nervous about Kalon being on the show. She should be since she went to the tabloids and blabbed about him.

Kalon –
He’s pretty sure America hates him, and that he’s a villain for speaking his mind. He’s like that annoying fly buzzing near your ear. You just wish it’ll go away. He comes in a tiny, white sports car, passes off the keys to Chris and breezes into the house. I really don’t know where he gets all the confidence from because I don’t see many redeeming qualities.

Donna (fan) – She’s a show off, and displays all that she’s been blessed with. Could live in her bikini all summer. Says she and Stags are definitely hooking up. Good luck with that.

Chris (fan) – Tough SWAT guy who loves The Bachelor. All he wants to do is fall in love — real love, he says. Asks host Chris to get a photo with him. This is exactly what I was hoping someone would not to.

Paige (fan) – Super fan is super excited to go on the show. Yay! She likes Chris and Stags. Admits she’ll be starstruck, and admits she might pee in her pants, which has happened before. The veteran ladies like her (dressed more conservatively) over Donna (tight dress that accentuates a lot).

David (fan) – In his mind, he already has a couple dates with some girls. And in his mind is where those dates will probably take place.

Britney and Erica (fans) –
Identical twins who will count as one vote. So half of one brain, and half the other brain makes one whole brain. I get it. Erica is a virgin, Britney “definitely is not.” Their words, not mine. They seem like 16-year-olds in a house full of adults.

Too Much Fun for Ed

Ed is wasted out of his mind. At first it’s funny because he jumps in the pool in only his undies and socks, but then it’s like, calm down buddy. Even Chris Harrison seems irritated — a trait I didn’t know he could even express — when Ed interrupts the group meeting to go jump in the pool again. “Where’s the heat?!” and “It’s not a hot tub, it’s a cold tub!” are some of the drunk ramblings out of Ed’s mouth.

Poor guy is hungover the next morning, the day of the competition. But nobody’s feeling sorry for him. How did he get that much more plastered than everyone else?

Falling Out of Love

For the first competition, Reid goes after Paige (Reid the Paige? he says, while making eyes at the camera), but the rest of the veterans keep to themselves and the fans are together, too.

The first couple who falls out of a makeshift heart get a double whammy by getting an elimination vote against them. Every couple minutes, the hearts are tilted, until the last couple remains. This isn’t necessarily about physical prowess, because the way everyone’s bodies are mangled and bent inside the heart, it looks like it helps to be petite.

Erica Rose and Nick are the first ones out. And the couples drop like flies.

The last two left are Britney/David and Paige/Reid. Nobody likes the twins so they’re hoping they go down. Paige and Reid really struggle to hang on … and Britney and David win the competition!

Winning Date

For winning the competition, David and the twins get to go on a date. It’s got to be every guy’s dream, going on a date not with one blonde, not just two, but identical twins. These super fans reminisce about all the things they do, and which Bachelor/Bachelorette couples did that as well — six ‘Bachelor’ dates wrapped into one, David says.

Did David know all of that from memory or did someone tell him that? I really hope it’s the latter. Where do you have even room in your brain to remember all of this useless info?

In Too Deep

Blakely really needs to take a chill pill. She’s this dominating presence who wants Chris to pay attention to her, and only her because they’re teammates. She throws things like “respect,” “disappointment” and “being hurt all around” when she finds out Chris and Jamie are kissing in another room. She’s painting Chris to be this awful guy doing unforgivable things behind her back — and she’s just overreacting to the max.

I think he regrets picking her as a partner, which he said he did because she’s ultra-competitive. He needs to cut her loose. I mean, she tells him she wants to “donkey punch him in the throat.”

Too Hard, Too Fast

The Moron Award — for the whole season, I’m sure — goes to David, who, because he has some tiny power after immunity, thinks he can rally everyone to get out Erica Rose and Nick.
But he does the worst thing possible: he tells Erica Rose about it. Has he never watched any type of voting reality show? Even when he she tells him that she’s going to have the votes to stay, David is strangely and stupidly confident. As much as I would actually like to see Erica Rose go home, I hate David’s cockiness even more and can’t wait to see his reaction when his plan blows up in his face.

Erica Rose or Paige?

Erica Rose campaigns hardcore with the guys to stay, and they all assure her — Stags included, whom she trusts — that she’s safe. Reid tells Paige she’s safe. And then Stags tells Reid that they’re all voting Paige because the other guys want to keep Donna around for her looks. Did you catch all that?

Reid, who was all happy go lucky before finding out, is now in game mode and tries to get some votes for Paige. He thinks he has Kalon, who is basically telling everyone what they want to hear. It looks like a toss up. I’d really like for Paige to stay because she and Reid are cute. And I’d rather look at her all summer than Erica Rose.

It’s shown that Kalon votes Erica Rose out as Reid and Paige believe they have all the votes — but they realize last minute they may not have Newbie Chris’ vote. Newbie Chris is all angry and conflicted because he doesn’t want to go with David’s plan because it was David’s mouth that put a target on his own back. Men. Can’t put their egos aside. But it’s no loss on him since he knows he’s going home too.

The Rose Ceremony

Lindzi and Chris are the first to be declared safe. He gives a huge smile to Jamie, to which Blakely gives a huge glare.

David and Paige are eliminated.

David smiled huge when he saw Erica Rose was safe, and tells her he voted to keep her.
I’m sad that Paige is gone. The skinny, pretty girl couldn’t overcome the pretty, curvy girl.

So what did you think of the premiere? Will you be sticking around for this season of Bachelor Pad? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Esther Gim
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of ABC)

Esther Gim

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV