You may want to invest in some protective gear before Monday’s Bachelor episode, because according to Chris Harrison, next week’s cocktail party is going nuclear. The not-so-mystery guest will cause a “category-five meltdown” with the other women. (For this and so many other reasons, it’s a good thing already-unstable Jenna got out while she did.)

With a teaser like that, I know it’s extra-tough to wait for Monday. But here are some more Bachelor bits to tide you over until the apocalyptic third episode:

Chris Harrison, Rose and Blog Master
In his Tuesday blog for EW, Chris didn’t exactly defend Courtney the model, but said that her “two sides” (the evil side and the … with Ben side?) will become a “recurring theme” throughout the season. Translation: We’re stuck with her because Ben loves her, so just deal with it.

He also says that the cocktail party on next Monday’s episode “just may be the wildest night in Bachelor history.” Watch the preview for the episode here to see what — or rather whom — he’s talking about. After introducing the “mystery woman” into the mix, “We might as well have rolled a grenade into the cocktail party,” Chris told ET. Not to be crass, but … if only.

More From Chris on Courtney
“I think Courtney will get a much worse rap and a worse beating than she deserves, much like Michelle Money. She has a very dry sense of humor and it’s in the delivery and inflection of what she says. Even talking to Ben about it recently, he’s like she is getting a beat down already, but once you get to know her, it’ll turn,” Harrison told TV Guide this week.

I wonder when he’ll run out of diplomatic ways of not-very-subtly telling us that Ben is going to pick her, so we should probably learn to like her or get ready for disappointment. Maybe around week 5?

Ben’s Bachelor Blog, Blah Blah Blah
Once again, Ben’s blog reveals little, except what an openly poor judge of character he is. About the group date play: “I was impressed!” About Blakeley: “I liked her persistence.” And about Courtney: “I was happy to learn how normal it felt to hang out with her.” Also, Ben says that he was “dreading saying goodbye to the ladies leaving that night,” but seems to have forgotten Shawn’s name/existence entirely. So it couldn’t have been that hard.

Ben’s Grandma Says She Thinks He Found Someone
And, besides some grandma-adorableness, that’s about all she said. She’ll find out when we do, apparently. #familyvalues

Desperate Wannabe-Housewives
Wetpaint talked to a friend of Jesse Metcalfe’s who says that he and Courtney barely dated (just long enough to take her to the 2005 Emmys), and that he dumped her because “he thought she was using him. Very quickly, it became clear, she’s only interested in getting famous.” A Bachelor contestant/model who only wants to be famous? Well now I’ve heard everything.

Doctors of Love Who Make House Calls
Chris Harrison and Bachelor Ben made Monday night extra-special for some lucky Bachelor fans, surprising them in their homes to take photos and even hold fake rose ceremonies during the episode! I’m embarrassed of how jealous I am. If you’re in the L.A. area and want them to crash your Bachelor viewing party next week, send your phone number and address to [email protected]. Then email me and TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT! (What’s Ben’s hair like in real life?)

And About that Rumor that Emily Maynard is The Bachelorette
E!’s Kristin Dos Santos caught up with Chris to hear his picks for Ben’s frontrunners (and he picked Kacie B. and Courtney, who are the only ones to get one-on-one dates so far, so duh), and hear his piece about whether Emily’s the next Bachelorette.

Tellingly, instead of giving his usual “We don’t make any decisions until the current season is over” speech, Chris said this: “If those rumors are true, I will be over-the-moon excited. I don’t know if they’re true, but I’ve heard the same thing and man, I hope its true. She’s a rock star!”

(Image courtesy of ABC)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.