We’re finally at the point where America’s Got Talent. Before, America had a bunch of assholes, but we’ve waded through that to get to the real acts, and now I don’t have as good of an idea of who will move through this time. Only three move on! Less judge pandering! I’m all in favor of this, but less in favor of all the filler lined up for tonight.

The host of Family Feud (yes, it’s still on), and Nick Cannon’s dad in a movie, Steve Harvey is here to give his opinion on the acts. WTFE. Filler. This is the least-funny, Family Feud Filler I have ever seen.

Turf, Joe Castillo, and the Scott Brothers are up first. My guess is that none of them are moving through? Maybe Turf. Because America loves his story. Howard says these acts are all very similar in his mind, so he can’t call this one. America has voted and … Joe Castillo is moving through! Oh, good. I like this act! I’m happy to see him there.

Yay, the Orville Lounge! Always a welcome distraction from actual programming. Irving was eating popcorn! Great stuff.

Andrew de Leon, William Close, and Academy of Villains are up next. But wait … America loves all three of these acts! Academy of Villains went last, William Close is the frontrunner, and Andrew de Leon is the favorite from auditions! But the one moving forward is William Close, the frontrunner! We all knew he’d be here, even though he is bordering on pompous.

Nick Cannon says two spots are taken and two are left, so they’re just narrowing this down? That is stupid and a waste of time. Donovan and Rebecca are up next, along with Todd Oliver and Edon. Screw all of them, I don’t care. But actually, I love Donovan and Rebecca and would like to see them move through to this final four that will become three. Whatever. The act moving on is Todd Oliver. Why does America love him so much? Poop and butt jokes, that’s why.

Then, the Neon Trees performed. He opens his mouth very wide.

Tom Cotter, Dittelman, and Bria Kelly remain. I really hope it’s Dittelman, but in my heart I know it will be Tom Cotter. I hate that. The act moving forward is, of course, Tom Cotter.

So now we have the top four, and only three acts can move forward. I don’t see the point in doing this to them, but so be it. William Close, Todd Oliver, Tom Cotter, and Joe Castillo are left. Four dudes, which three dudes have a spot in the finals? The first dude is … William Close! I have a feeling Joe Castillo is getting left out in the cold here.

The next act moving on is Tom Cotter. The judges will now decide between poop jokes and sand art. In the end, my DVR cut off, but the judges chose sand art, meaning Joe Castillo and his beret will move on to the finals. Good choice, judges.

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).