There was a moment during tonight’s episode of America’s Got Talent when I had faith in the system. A rather ordinary magician with a generic sob story did a traditional and dull trick. The judges recognized that they liked him and his story, but there was nothing special about the act. The Hoff said no. I thought for a moment that, for once, the show would rise above being a stupid personality contest and actually reward talent.
That dream died, because the other two judges said yes. Despite saying that his act was boring and they’ve seen the same thing by many other people who they didn’t put through, they put him through because they liked him. This is not a talent show, it’s a damn popularity contest.
What’s worse is Sharon Osbourne’s mental retardation that sis so extreme it would get her sent to the electric chair in Texas. She said, and I quote, “I’ve seen that trick many times before, but I’ve never seen YOu do that trick.” By that logic, every person she’s seen do that trick was the first time she saw THAT person do the trick, so everyone who ever does anything should make it through, because everyone is doing something she’s never seen before.
It’s dumb. It’s idiotic, it’s stupid, it makes me mad, it’s not right, it’s not fair, it’s wrong, it’s offensive, it’s irrational, it makes me want to kick a puppy down a flight of stairs. America’s Got Talent is not a serious show, and if anyone ever tries to tell you that these people or this show matters or that there’s any validity to anything that it produces, simply point to this episode and this moment, and you will win the argument.
Anyway, there are only so many ways I can express frustration with the level of rage I’m feeling, so here are the performers who made it through to Las Vegas from the fourth episode of auditions.
Lake Houston Performing Arts Center: About 10,000 girls ages 8-14 in red afro wigs like Annie dance around the stage. As is always the case, the judges cannot say no to little kids, no matter how stupid or sucky their act is.
Pamela and Viva Martin: An old lady who dances with her dog. Before America’s Got Talent came along, this story would’ve ended with her kids sending Pamela to a home and putting the dog down because she’s clearly gone a little batty. But now, she gets to be on TV and win a trip to Las Vegas.
Joseph Constantine and KC: The magician who I’ve already written about to no end.
Fuchsia Foxxx: A belly dancer. And by belly dancer, I mean professional stripper.
Circus R Us: A group of whom who do contortionism, jump roping on a unicycle, and hula hooping.
The Hurricane Tricksterz: A group of dudes who do karate moves without their shirts, because having a good body is a talent.
Hair Torres: A 23-year-old break dancer. If you’re wondering why he isn’t on So You Think You Can Dance, is because he’s a novelty act, bending in odd ways, he’s not actually a good dancer.
That does it for another week of infuriating America’s Got Talent. Next week the madness continues, and I can only hope they’re saving the real talent for later.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of NBC)