Night 2 of talking about Howard Stern begins now! Did I see a water-skiing squirrel? I want two hours of that. Do we need to go to San Francisco to see it? The judges did, but tonight we don’t. Howie doesn’t want us to forget about him, though, so he showed up in a jet pack. What the hell? Let’s just let that one slip by like a slow fart.

Alright, San Francisco, what you got? An artist who has teamed up with a dance group. That’s interesting! David Girabaldi and his CMYKs hit the stage with the most interesting live art we’ve seen. Way better than sexy catwoman painting on her own. David starts painting and it immediately looks cool, as the CMYKs set up paint and break dance around a little bit. David is the star, though, so that’s why the CMYK’s belong to him. I really liked it, and so did the crowd. Vegas!

Mr. Special got on stage dressed as a turkey. He rode a trike and played a little coronet. Howie didn’t X him because he thought there was going to be something else. There wasn’t. He told people not to be afraid of being themselves. Is this who anyone is, though?

A bunch of people with pots and colanders on their heads sort of had a fire act. Then some other people played suitcase instruments. Howie grabbed at some more attention, trying to regain his footing as the “funny” judge. A dance group, if you can call it that, came out dressed in gold bodysuits. “If I was a serial killer, I would put one of those outfits on and just before I took my victim, I would let them look at me like that,” Howard Stern tells them. Then a green guy was bad at singing. “The moment I saw you I knew I was going to hate you,” Howard said. Howie tried to follow up with a “Uranus” joke. Nice one, Howie.

Kim McAfee loves Howard Stern. I love that she has the same name as Ann-Margret’s character in Bye Bye Birdie. But Bye Bye Birdie this ain’t. She sings strangely, and like a joke. Does she know it’s a joke? Nick Cannon comes out and makes it worse, but at least this time everyone was having a laugh at Kim’s expense! ūüôĀ

17-year old Cristin Sandu is a balancing man. He builds a structure of metal canisters, some on their rolly side, and balances atop a board on top of them. It was actually quite exciting! It was treacherous. He’s from a circus family, so he was just born doing that. Is it a million dollar act? I don’t know, but we can worry about that much, much later. To Vegas!

The LCD, Lisa Clark Dancers, have a very comedic, fosse style. They’re highly trained, and that could get a little dull. It was funny, though, and this was a very delightful first showing. Howard admits he’s not a huge fan of dance, and I’m so glad Piers isn’t here anymore. Howie says he doesn’t know what kind of show it is. Howard says yes, Howie says no (really?), but Sharon says yes.

Magic and music from Dirk and Roger was entertaining, and got them to Vegas. A super talented 14-year old wowed us and went to Vegas. A juggler dropped a pin, but did a better job while Sharon and Howard were talking.

Uh oh, a comedian and impressionist. They don’t usually do too well on this show. But Dave Burleigh is here to try to prove us wrong. He does a Dancing With the Stars bit, with Nicolas Cage, Jack Black, Charlie Sheen, Gary Busey, Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, and Vince Vaughn. He was really good! To Vegas with Dave Burleigh.

Get ready for your hearts to be warmed! This guy Luiz is 54 and he cares for the elderly. He’s adorable, and he sings. He is incredibly nervous. Look at him, so unassuming, just wearing his little half-zip fleece. Luiz Meneghin is good, thank god. His family was shaking with emotion and pride. The audience loves a moment like this on America’s Got Talent.

80-year old Paula Nelson is known as “Granny G.” She is full of verve! She’s ready to be a star. She’s rapping about family values, and forsakes her walker to grab her butt for America. It was a novelty act, not worthy of the standing ovation Sharon gave her, but she’s cute and will obviously move to the next level in Vegas. This could get quite hilarious in the later rounds.

Kotton Kandy is a little expected, but fine. Is it anything? No, but you know Nick Cannon will make it a thing. Some old men … went around in costume? I don’t know what that was either. Other things that didn’t amount to anything: a dog riding a miniature horse, a woman who immediately took off most of her clothes and sang and danced poorly, and a man who played the broom flute (the brute!), and the dust pan. Actually, that last guy moved on to Vegas.

Humble dad and recovering alcoholic, Tim Hockenberry, sang and played the piano almost exactly like Joe Cocker. He has a really different sounding voice from a lot of the stuff you hear today. It was really nice! And he has that little baby. Yes, more please. Howard said it was a breath of fresh air and he loved it. Howie declares that Tim’s life is about to change. A bold, but probably accurate statement.

It’s time for another dance group: Funk Beyond Control. I’m with Howard, not loving dance groups, but good for these kids. Really good for 12-15! Howard thought they were compelling, and naturally Sharon and Howie loved it. It even got Howie to do the Bobby’s World voice. It’s a yes to Vegas.

The Emily Anne Band was very interesting and got through. Was she on American Idol? She looks familiar. Kellan Thurston did stand-up comedy and we’ll see a joke or two from him again. I don’t always like when people fall down, and I didn’t like when that guy fell down in the Chinese Lion act. They went through, though. I hope that guy’s head is OK.

Extreme hip-hop contortionist dancer, Turf, gets the second use of that song, “Wild One” this season. The second of many, I’m sure! Turf was homeless for 2 years, dancing on the streets. I hope no matter what he can make more money after this exposure. God, I love when people can pop and lock as well as this guy can. He also did some bone breaking, which is crazy, but I thoughts his isolations and seawalking were impressive enough. This is the right show for Turf, because he probably wouldn’t be able to do choreography on So You Think You Can Dance. Well played. Howie the clairvoyant called it magic and told Turf he feels a change. Howie has settled into becoming the inspirational judge.

What do you think of Howard Stern as the newest addition? What role will Howie play now?

(images courtesy of NBC)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like¬†Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include¬†30 Rock,¬†The Amazing Race,¬†Project Runway,¬†Modern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSI,¬†The Bachelor,¬†Toddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include:¬†Arrested Development,¬†Veronica Mars¬†and¬†Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about¬†Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).