No more drama! The American Idol Top 2 are revealed tonight. Who will join Phillip in the finale? Have we all pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that he will win? You can just tell by the sound of female screams and panties dropping in the audience, and all the girls pressed up against that chain link fence for a sniff of that grey shirt! This week, the contestants went home, Jimmy Iovine sent them the latest product he’s pimping out, and then he chose the best songs for them. The contestants, without a doubt, chose the worst songs of the night for themselves. They need help. But who needs the most help? Who NEEDS Idol? That’s the person who should win.

American Idol alum and runner-up Adam Lambert performs tonight, along with Lisa Marie Presley. It’s a celebration of pompadours. 

Starting out, we get a group number. Our last terrible group number until the finale, which is sure to be chock full of them. Jessica looks cute in that little dress with the cutouts. Phillip is really into the music, Jessica and Joshua are just phoning it in. Do they know they’re bound to lose this thing? The group number ends, and that was the best thing that could have happened for it.

But the torture’s not over. We have to watch this Ford Music Video in which the contestants play silent movie characters. Well, Joshua and Jessica played silent movie characters. Phillip was, once again, excused. I guess he got a doctor’s note.

The Top 3 contestants say that they’ve already won, and they’re excited for whoever wins. They’re very nice to each other. Joshua Ledet is up first to hear what Jimmy thought of him. Jimmy said it was not Joshua’s best night, but it was a good night and the judges over-praised “I’d Rather Be Blind.” He over-compensated on “Imagine,” which didn’t work. He called it overblown and over-emotional. I agree, and I think I also over-praised that first performance in the rankings. Jimmy thought there was something missing last night and criticized himself for giving Joshua a song with not enough melody.

Oh my god, then Jennifer Lopez, whose devil-owned soul is being sold for $1 a minute, had to take part in a product placement for whatever Ice Age movie is happening now. She was a voice in it, so I guess there’s a joke there somewhere. Then the Top 4, which Phillip was NOT excused from, had to “check out” some songs from Ice Age – Continental Drift. Then they had to sing the most boring part of this stupid song about being family before the dawn of man. Wow, that was no fun at all! Thanks for giving us that little glimpse into the exciting life of American Idol contestants, Ryan.

Then Lisa Marie Presley performed, inspired by Lana Del Rey. I hope the Idol set designers don’t get too many ideas from this set, or from Ice Age – Continental Drift. They already have too much stuff up there. This performance was recorded RIGHT before Dracula came to collect his bride.

LisaMarieDracula.jpgUp next, Jessica Sanchez will hear what Jimmy thought of her “triple play.” Jimmy thought everyone needed a “shock and awe” moment at this point, and “My All” didn’t come together enough for him. He also thought it didn’t all come together for “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” And what did he think of his own choice? He is doubting himself again, because Michael and Jermaine both sang that song so how could one person possibly? He said she was good enough to sing in the Grammys, though.

The producers are making the signal for Ryan to stretch the show out, so he asks Jimmy and the women sitting next to him what they think of Donna Summer’s passing. And with that somewhat awkward introduction, it’s Adam Lambert singing “Never Close Our Eyes.” Adam has really developed the type of artist he wants to be, which I think he knew from the beginning, so his glitter rock modern throwback is working. He couldn’t give less of a rat’s ass about returning to the Idol stage, I’m sure, but it was nice of him to throw Nigel a bone and come back. Overall, with this plus Lisa Marie Presley’s performance, it’s turning into a somewhat creepy show. He sounded just like Freddie Mercury, and I think it was a great showing for him.

Now let’s hear about Phillip Phillips. If we can hear over the screaming. Jimmy thinks “Beggin” was very good and proved once again that Phillip is original. Jimmy likes that Phillip is “willing to risk everything” to take a risk, but thought “Disease” was a snoozefest. And “We’ve Got Tonight”? Jimmy congratulates himself with Phillip’s win of the night. Jimmy called it his best performance, flawless, and thought he dug deep down into the emotion of the song. Alright, Jimmy.

Jessica and Joshua hit the stage to join Phillip. It’s about to happen … any moment now! Randy wishes them all luck. I just hope Joshua Ledet doesn’t have to go out of this competition in that shirt. Jennifer talks a lot, then Steven talks a lot. Anybody else have anything they want to say? (The producer is still making the “stretch” gesture).


And now it’s time to find out for reals! The lights are dimmed! The first person going into the finale is Jessica Sanchez! WHAT! I did not see that coming. And the other contestant in the finale will be, of course, Phillip Phillips.

So Joshua Ledet leaves, with one final standing ovation. Sigh, there’s little justice. I imagine this will be an even easier win for Phillip now. But hey, maybe Jessica will blow it out of the water for the finale. For his final performance, he performs “This is a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” one last time. I’m sad, I loved him! I hope he gets a record deal singing old soul hits somehow, somewhere.

(images courtesy of FOX)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).