Should we play a drinking game where we take a drink every time Ryan says “shocking” on this show? While we’re at it, drink every time Randy says “in it to win it,” and have a medic on standby. After “songs that inspire”/Lieber and Stoller week, I am only shocked that no one sang “Stand By Me.” If Ryan promises “results that may surprise you,” we’ll know someone who isn’t Haley is going home. But I won’t be surprised, because Haley earned her votes in her performance of “I Who Have Nothing” last night.

I predict we may see Lauren go tonight, just based on performance, maturity, etc. My mom, who watches Idol and, for the record, doesn’t care for Scotty McCreery (“He’s weird,”) had a very interesting theory about why Lauren may go home tonight. It all boils down to her performance of “Trouble,” since you can’t touch a song for tornado victims.

While I don’t think the lyric “I’m evil” will cause as much trouble as Lauren thought, my mom thinks Lauren’s fans like her because she’s wholesome, and this performance gave them a look into Lauren’s future as a recording artist who wears sparkly jacket-dress combos and has a less-than-squeaky-clean image. “We can’t have another Miley situation,” they might say to themselves. It’s just a hypothesis.

Hey, tonight we get to see Steven Tyler’s new video! Everybody is talking about it on the internet and in the streets (they aren’t). Ryan announces that 72 million votes came in last night. But who didn’t get enough millions of votes? Also, is Scotty McCreery running for president?

For whatever reason, Scotty and James move through the audience singing “Start a Band.” James is doing his best Scotty impression. It was fine, but I’m so anxious about the results I can’t enjoy Scotty’s quirks or James’s guitar’s tail (yes).

JamesScottyimpression.jpgAt last we get a duet from Haley and Lauren. American Idol is going country tonight as the girls sing “Gunpowder and Lead” and Lauren is dressed like Reba. But Lauren is 16! Why does Haley always get to look so much better? They sound good together, too.

You know what’s a great way for contestants to connect with their families long-distance? Windows 7! James has an unfair advantage with that darling little baby singing the alphabet and trying to say “American Idol.”

Results! The first person in the Top 3 is … Lauren Alaina. Say what?! Everyone else just got nervous.


Before we get more results, we have to watch the Top 4 watch Lady Gaga sing “You and I.” Then we get to compare it to Haley’s performance. I don’t know why this is happening, but I’m okay with it. The contestants thought it was “cool.”

And now, another performance to watch. Enrique Iglesias performs “Dirty Dancing” and “I Like It.” At first I thought it was all one song, as in, “Dirty Dancing … And I LIKE it!” I prefer the latter. Enrique and Video Usher promise said dancer that she will “never be alone again.” Giant white balloons drop on the audience and THEY like it. I bet Enrique would not like it if one of the balloons bopped him in the face. Protect his beautiful face!

dontgetboppedenrique.jpgRyan, the total goofnut he is, jumped into the audience going after one of those giant balloons. Smooth move, Ex-Lax! Then for the Ford Music Video, the Final Four make more art using their hands/magic. Same old, same old.

Jordin Sparks performs, and I only watched parts of her season so I don’t have a lot of feelings about it. She has an announcement to make, though: she is woman. She wears metallic trench. This could be you some day, Scotty McCreery!

Just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, it’s the premiere of Steven Tyler’s new music video for “It Feels So Good” off his solo album. Steven Tyler starts out holding a sloth, then hands it off to someone in his entourage. There are lots of animals in this video, including a driving monkey, an elephant, a vulture, and a cow (appearing as Steven Tyler’s leather jacket and pants). Nicole Scherzinger is also there. It was as good as a Ford Music Video, except that Steven Tyler didn’t draw anything or move set pieces around until they turned into mountains or whatever.

Stevenlovessloths.jpgMore results! In an unprecedented move, the voters put Haley Reinhart in the Top 3! “Two girls will be in the Top 3,” Ryan says with masked disdain. It’s down to Scotty and a pouty-looking James. My prediction for the finale is officially done-zo.

James is crying but Scotty is holding it together like the man his mama taught him to be. The last person in the Top 3 is Scotty McCreery. So James is out! The judges look upset, but not completely wrecked. I’m sure James will have a successful recording career ahead of him.

Jamescriesonelasttime.jpgThe review clip package reminds me of how little I liked James in the early rounds of this show, particularly during the group round. But James grew on me, and you can’t deny his talent. James speaks his final piece on giving metal a chance (is that what it was all about? I missed that), then milks the audience for one final round of applause. This is the round Daughtry was eliminated, lest we forget.

Good luck, James! Because of you, Idol gave metal a chance. But it preferred country.

(Images courtesy of FOX)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).