You know what is awesome? When you try and publish the Live Results to the American Idol finale and your computer freezes. So, sorry for the delay, everyone. Well, this is it. The end of the road. It’s either going to be David Archuleta, the teenage boy wonder, or David Cook, the 25 year old bartender. Seacrest said that, last night, 97.5 million votes came in last night. That’s the biggest vote total by 23 million. One David received 56 percent of the vote, the other 44 percent. That’s really not all that close. I’ll be here throughout the entire results show, and please feel free to comment below wherever you see fit.
After some preamble, we get the first group performance of the night. The Top 12, with So You Think You Can Dance stars, perform “Get Ready.” They’re wearing those all-white Heaven’s Gate Cult outfits. It’s not a very difficult song to sing – not a lot of harmony. It’s a lot of silly choreography, with actual good dancing in the background. By the way, I saw Lori Loughlin in the crowd, if that’s something that interests you.
After our first commercial, David Cook and David Archuleta sing “Hero.” I think this is that Creed song, right. Or maybe it’s Seal. David Cook blows Archie out of the water here, but it’s way more up his alley than Archie’s. Not bad. Oh, it was Chad Kroeger who did that song. Whoever the hell that is.
Wow, it’s a commercial for Mike Myers’ new film, The Love Guru. We see a bunch of scenes. Shameless. So, this actually is not terrible. Cook and Archuleta come see Mike Myers in character, and he gives them both advice. For Cook – no more facial hair. Cool that Mike Myers showed up. And now he actually makes an appearance live on stage. I’m sorry, but Mike Myers freakin’ slays me. I love all the Austin Powers movies.
He calls Seacrest “Seafoam.” He then admits to shamelessly promoting his film. Fair enough. The admission makes it no less shameless, Mike.
Syesha Mercado performs “Waiting For You” next. She’s joined on stage by Seal. Wow, what were the odds that I’d mistakenly mention Seal and then he’d actually show up. Seal’s cool, if only because he bagged Heidi Klum while looking like that. If anyone ever makes fun of him, says something critical, all he has to say is “Heidi Klum.” Hey, Seal, how does it feel that your most famous song was made famous only because it was in Batman Forever? “Heidi Klum.”
Commercial time. First commercial – The Love Guru. Weird.
Everyone see that Discovery Channel commercial? Gave me chills.
So, my computer is going to get a big talking to tonight. I missed Jason Castro’s performance. And, thankfully, I missed most of that last Ford commercial of the season. Please, let me know how Castro’s performance went.
Ford gives Archuleta and Cook Hybrids.
The six top females of the season sing a Donna Summer medley. Amanda Overmyer is not comfortable doing choreography. I don’t think she wants to be there. Halfway through, Donna Summer herself comes on stage to perform her new single. Wow, didn’t know she was still in the game. She looks pretty good, but I won’t be downloading this song. It involves stamping your feet on the ground. It’s not clear if this is metaphorical or purely literal. The medley culminates with “Last Dance.” Not bad, Syesha droppin’ mad cleavage, Donna Summer still with her fastball, the other ladies walking awkwardly through the crowd. Good times.
Carly Smithson and Michael Johns sing “The Letter” together in a contestants-who-got-eliminated-too-early performance. By the way, this is a horrendous arrangement of this song. Let Johns sing a freaking soul song, would you. Of all the people who got the shaft this season, Michael Johns got screwed the worst. He’s a better singer than either of the Davids. Still, this duet shows off two very talented people.
Jeri Ryan is in the crowd. All the celebrities you see in the Idol crowd tonight are only there because they couldn’t get Laker tickets.
Jimmy Kimmel comes out and immediately makes a Sanjaya joke. Then a karaoke joke. Then he makes a joint Seacrest/Chris Sligh joke. I like Kimmel. He has no problem making jokes that may really piss people off.
The Top 6 guys come out to perform “Summer of ’69.” Michael Johns kicks it off and again dominates everyone else. Bryan Adams has to be so pumped right now. Nothing like a washed up Canadian receiving an American Idol check.
Oh, no. No, is this really happening? Is this a Bryan Adams medley? They can’t be doing this. I’m both horrified and delighted.
Bryan Adams is actually here.
Is this Canadian Idol? What is all this aboot? I refuse to believe this is the best person Idol could get. Is Nigel Lythgoe playing a practical joke on everyone? That just made my night. Bryan freaking Adams. Unfortunately, he didn’t sing that song from Robin Hood.
David Cook performs “Sharp-Dressed Man” with ZZ Top. Really dusting off the popular acts from 20 years ago, aren’t we Idol? They still have the super-long beards. It sounds like Cook’s voice is slowly being lost. How old are these guys?
Sweet. Graham Nash (from Crosby, Stills and Nash) sings “Teach Your Children” with Brooke White. Crosby, Stills and Nash are awesome. This will probably be the highlight of the night for me. That was great.
Whoa. Did you catch that? David Cook doing the Risky Business thing for a Guitar Hero commercial. That was actually cool.
The Jonas Brothers performed next. I have no opinion on these Jonas Brothers.
Next, is a video of the worst auditions of the season.
Afterwards, they bring out Renaldo Lapuz (“I Am Your Brother”) to sing his song. With the USC marching band. You can’t make this stuff up. How random has Idol been tonight? Bryan Adams, ZZ Top, Renaldo Lapuz. I’m enjoying the hell out of this.
One Republic comes on to perform “Apologize.” Hey, I’ve heard this song. It ain’t bad. David Archuleta comes in on the second verse and sings the rest of the song with the lead Republic dude. Pretty good.
We go to the viewing party live in Utah for David Archuleta. The correspondent calls this “the biggest party in Utah.” What’s usually the biggest party in Utah? Three dudes in a Provo dorm room drinking 3 percent beer?
Jordin Sparks comes out to perform next. She’s wearing Dorothy’s dress from The Wizard of Oz, only if it was painted gold. This is your typical Top 40 R&B song. Not awful, but completely forgettable.
Unseen 1972 Pips auditions. Wow, this is hilarious. It’s Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. as the Pips during “Midnight Train to Georgia.” These three will be appearing together in Tropic Thunder later this summer. Jack Black dominates the action – not a surprise. Funny, nonetheless. God, I love Downey, Jr.
Carrie Underwood performs next, singing “Last Night. And, damn, if she doesn’t look great. Not bad, for a country song, either.
It’s coming down to the wire here, everyone. How you all feeling? Is there some Cook magic in the air?
NOOOOO! They let Archie do the Risky Business Guitar Her commercial too. Lame.
For the last time before the results, it’s the top 12. They sing “Faith” by George Michael. One of the best guilty pleasure songs ever. The best 5 o’clock shadow ever was worn by Michael in the video. The women sang “Faith.” Next, the dudes come out wearing suits. They’re singing a song I vaguely recognize, but I don’t know it. Is it by George Michael too?
It must be a George Michael medley, because they finish singing “Freedom” all together.
Yep, here comes the man himself, George Michael. Should I make a public restroom joke? Nah. He sings a song I don’t know, I presume it’s a newer one. Sorry, I’m not intimately familiar with Mr. Michael’s songbook, outside of Wham’s hits and “Faith” and “Freedom.” It’s a slow song.
Quite the international night. Two Englishmen (Seal and Michael) and one Canadian (Bryan Adams). By the way, Paula Abdul does indeed cry during this George Michael tune. You could sing the phone book and Paula would cry. (See how I turned that around? Take that, Paula and Randy.)
One more commercial, and then we get our American Idol.
The results are in. The judges give there little spiels. Randy – nothing of interest. Paula – rambling. Simon – he hedges his thoughts on last night’s show. He apologizes to David Cook, calls his actions last night disrespectful. This probably means Cook will win. An English dude brings out the envelope.
DAVID COOK IS THE WINNER OF AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!
After the announcement, Cook breaks down in tears. Good for him. This was the right choice. For once this season, I can say this: Good work, America. Cook sends us off with the contest winning song.
Cook fans, pop some champagne, enjoy the night.
John vs. Oscar: Finale Predictions Podcast
Finale Performance Rankings
Finale Performance Live Thoughts
Why David Cook Will Win
May the Best Man Lose
Best Performances of Season 7
Worst Performances of Season 7
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of FOX)