Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: The women continued to dominate the challenges and the men continued to act like immature frat boys. After the ladies chowed down on some pig vajayjays, four more contestants were eliminated. Thankfully, none were Chad.
To get to know people, Tila Tequila leaves a bowl of questions in the living room that everyone must answer honestly. Bo would sleep with Tila in front of the entire nation. One question is about gay marriage, and Chad vehemently opposes it, citing that people would take advantage of it and get married just to get their friends’ benefits. He says it should be a crime, and it’s not clear if he’s talking about gay marriage or fraudulent marriage.
Then Chad goes off on how kids need a male influence in their lives and that Tila wants kids and can’t get them from a lesbian. I’m eagerly trying to find a reason to continue liking Chad, but he’s making it very difficult. Chad wants to punch a lesbian, but he settles for farting in Jay’s face. The road to redemption begins.
The Message in the Bottle instructs the contestants that they’re riding a mechanical bull. Since the guys keep losing, Tila divides the teams as she sees fit, and they’ll compete. Whoever wins the most duels gets a saloon date, which excites Jay because Tila is wearing assless chaps. The yellow team has George, Jay, Scotty, Samantha, Sirbrina and Michelle. The green team features Chad, Bo, Kyle, Lisa, Brittany and Kristy. After lots of bull riding, the yellow team wins. The green team is tasked with cooking a chili dinner.
On the date, Michelle thinks the saloon looks just like the Old West. I note several anachronisms, including a Wanted poster for one million dollars (too much for that time period) and several electric lamps. Michelle likes girls who like to “pahty” like her. The Bostonian then pahks her cah in Tila’s yahd. Sensitive George is like an innocent teddy bear and he gets nervous when Tila asks him about sex. Sirbrina gets her chance to explore Tila’s mouth. In just four episodes, the number of lesbian make-out sessions has already surpassed the total from the entire first season.
Bo takes charge of the chili cooking because he’s apparently an executive chef. Everyone hates him and Chad calls him a douchebag. Tila comes inside for chili and Bo acts overly cocky, taking all the credit. Kristy also calls Bo a douchebag. Bo walks Tila back to her room, which tees everyone else off even more, but Tila likes him for it.
Tila decides to throw everyone a pool party the next day. Chad calls Jay his “bro dog,” and if you’re familiar with the term “HoYay!,” you fully understand their dynamic. Tila shows up in her bikini, and the ogling and sexual shenanigans begin. Chad wipes some “sand” off her breasts. To get Tila’s attention, Kristy pulls out her breasts. This spreads and devolves (or evolves) into a lesbian four-way “lick and touch fest.” Jay swoops in, “Jersey style,” disappointing everyone.
There’s another competition so Tila can find out who can get the wettest the fastest. The contestants split up into guy-girl pairs. The duos must pump some water onto each other, and the first team with two wet people gets a two-on-one date. Chad finishes first, but his partner Brittany is slow (as Chad says, lesbians don’t know how to crank), letting Kyle and Lisa win.
On the date, Tila is clearly disinterested in Kreepy Kyle and Butch Lisa. Lisa mocks his creepiness, then Kyle asks Tila if she’s ever had sex on a swing. He adds that he lost his virginity to an Asian chick and he loves morning sex. Dude, you’re not doing a whole lot to shed that creepy image. Tila gives Lisa a farewell kiss, but doesn’t give one to Kyle.
A Shot at Love 2 Elimination Time! Two more are heading home. Chad gets a key, though Tila says he can be a douchebag sometimes. It boils down to Kyle, George, Samantha and Lisa. Samantha gets a key, then Lisa gets one too. What a twist, two guys go home! Farewell, Kreepy Kyle and Sweet George.
But it’s not over! Samantha naturally cries a whole lot because George is gone, as does Sirbrina. Bo tries to comfort her, and Jay starts mocking him. It gets loud and angry, then Bo tells Jay to take his head out of Chad’s ass. This sets Chad off, and you can tell he’s mad because he takes his shirt off. Chad threatens to hurt Bo and his entire family. Jay gets Chad to walk it off, but Bo comes back and gets in Chad’s face. Chad throws what looks like an extremely vicious headbutt at Bo, and the screen goes to black with “To Be Continued” written.
Next week on A Shot at Love 2: The aftermath of the headbutt. This could surpass the Vanessa-Brandi catfight as my favorite Shot at Love moment ever.
Also, do you think you’re as wild as Tila Tequila? Take BuddyTV’s personality quiz Which Celebreality Star Are You? to find out.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)