I left for one week
, you guys. One week. And in that week, Ben had multiple cheating rumors, Courtney tried on wedding dresses, Lindsay Lohan attempted a career revival and Snooki's engaged and
pregnant. Oh, and Charlie's Bachelorettes got their makeup done and went to see Titanic 3D
dressed as high-end escorts. What the Flajnik is going on around here?!
Thank goodness for Carla, who did such a great job recapping The Bachelor
in my absence that I was able to truly enjoy my vacation, knowing she wouldn't let Courtney get away with her fake apology or Kacie get away with her crazy stalker vibes or Ben get away with his dumb face.
Still, so much has happened since Ben dumped Nicki in Switzerland and narrowed down his pool of potential wives to the one who's obsessed with horses and the one who probably laughs when a horse dies in a movie because she's dead inside. Let's take a pre-Women Tell All dip into the vicious rumor pool, and let our bodies get used to the frigid temperatures now:
Sneak peeks and spoilers from THE WOMEN TELL ALL:
It's on tonight (8pm, ABC, I'll be recapping it all), and for the first time in I don't know how long, one of the final two (Courtney) will be there, for a very special segment called "Let's All Force the Sociopath to Show Remorse and Then Yell at Her When that Remorse Seems Forced":
Also, put it back in your pants, Jamie. And by "it," I mean your adorable, naive, desperate need for validation from Ben. Courtney was telling the TRUTH: He's NOT the only man in the world.
TV Guide also has some sneak peek videos from tonight's episode
, revealing that Samantha (the bitchy bunny) is just as obnoxious and incessant as ever. So glad to have her back, along with all our other old shiny, self-absorbed pals!
Reality Steve posted some spoilers
from the WTA
filming, the final cut of which we'll see tonight, but they really only tell us one thing: That we need to bust out an extra bottle of wine (and maybe some earplugs) because those ladies yelled over each other so much that it made poor Chris Harrison physically ill.
And here's a backstage video from the WTA
, which reminds us once again that this entire episode is going to be all about Courtney and whether she's sincere or not, which continues to be an utterly FASCINATING topic that really never gets old no matter how much these girls hash and rehash it:
Why do all these women care if Ben gets hurt? Why do they even believe that he's capable of getting hurt? He clearly couldn't give a rip about any of this. I can't wait until this is all over and I can stop trying to interpret some sort of genuine emotion behind his unwashed caveman hair curtains.More Gossip from the Bowels of Bachelor Land:
Aaaand, that's about it. But we'll be getting a big, fat, juicy so-full-you-might-choke-on-it mouth full of drama at tonight's Women Tell All
. Here's the preview for the episode, plus next week's finale:
(Image courtesy of ABC)