MySpace bisexual queen Tila Tequila
is back vying for another Shot at Love
. In the finale of the first season of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
, Tila chose Bobby over Dani, but that didn't work out because he was too small-town to deal with her fast-paced lifestyle.
On A Shot at Love 2
, 15 straight guys and 15 lesbians will try their best to recapture the magic of last season. Will the Internet community collectively go gay for a new Dani? Will a new Domenico weasel his way into our hearts, then star in an offensive spin-off? Only one thing is for certain: there will be lots of sex and sexual innuendo.
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It seems appropriate enough that the 15 men and the 15 women competing to fall in love with Tila Tequila start off in cages. I missed the start of this competition, but I imagine it went something like this: “Hey, I'm Tila, so show me you're nuts.” As in crazy. Nick
takes it a bit literally, so while everyone else strips to their underwear, he...I guess the classiest way to say it is, he whips his dong out. In his defense, some of the women are going topless. Tila chooses one group to enter the mansion first, and it is ladies first.
Let's try to get through some introductions. Serenity
looks exactly like Angelina Jolie's brother, the one she made out with at the Oscars. Rada
looks exactly like RJ Helton
, from season 1 of American Idol
is a bisexual. Lisa
is a 5'8'' Jersey girl. Tashi
is one of Tila's MySpace friends. Tarra
wants to make Tila pancakes. Lauryn
is another Jersey girl and Sirbrina is a hottie who instantly makes out with Tila. Samantha
's shirt says she's more than just a great pair of…breasts. Fame
wants to be famous. That's easy enough. Michelle
might be in a gang. Lili
pretends to read Tila's palm and makes her cry by talking about Bobby. That's 12, so there are still three girls who I don't know at all.
Next, the girls are assigned to do a talent show. Kristy does cartwheels. Tashi hula hoops. Samantha is a cheerleader. Brittany
pogo sticks. Tarra plays the accordion. Janny
sings poorly. V
does some slam poetry. Michelle boxes a dummy. Serenity does awful stand-up comedy. Lauryn raps. Rada does the worm. Lili dresses up like a gorilla. Sirbrina
does some magic. Once again, I missed two girls, but give me a break, that went fast.
Back in the mansion, Lili and Serenity make out, which raises an inevitable flaw of this show. Do they really expect 15 lesbians to live in a house and not make out? Surely the best choice for each of them is not Tila. Why should they deny a stronger connection is they find it?
A Shot at Love 2 Female Elimination Time
! Tila calls out Serenity and Lili, then tells them, “Give me back my key, and get the f*** out of my house!” Awesome. Then she eliminates four more girls: Accordion Tarra, Janny the Bad Singer, MySpace Stalker Tashi and Rada the Worm. So we're only 30 minutes in, and already 6 of the 15 lesbians are gone. Fantastic.
With the ladies done, it's time for the boys' half of this episode. Time for another round of speed introductions. Kyle
has beautiful eyes and goes right for some alone time and a kiss. Nick is still the guy who whipped it out. Mason
gives Tila a flower. Greg
are twins who virtually tear Tila apart while fighting over her. Matt
is a Taurus. Ryan
is hot and Tila throws herself at him. Chad
informs us that chicks love “wang bones.” I instantly love him and decree him the new Ashley McNeely
has a giant spiked red mohawk with an open shirt. He's nuts, as in seriously mentally ill. Bo rocks the soul patch, and Tila makes him shave it off. How dare she, the soul patch is the single greatest piece of facial hair ever invented! Jay
lets Tila put Mason's flower in his butt, then walks around mooning everyone. For some reason, Bo and Jay become instant rivals because of the long-standing rivalry between Ohio (Bo) and New Jersey (Jay). As a lifelong Jersey boy, this is news to me. Chad encourages them to fight. Sadly, this time I only get 11/15.
It's time for an all-male Shot at Love
fashion show. Chad is a devil in a red speedo. Ryan is dressed like a football player. Kyle is a hula boy. Jay is an Egyptian. Christian is a pirate. Scotty
is a tennis player. Bo is a football coach. Mason does karate. Matt is a fisherman. Chris is a cop. Greg and Dominic are dressed like the Unambiguously Gay Duo as superheroes. Nick has his dick in a box. Literally. Jeremy is a gay vampire. George
is incredibly cut, but Chad throws a pillow and hits him in the face. “Bullseye. That's how I roll,” he says. Did I mention how much I love Chad?
A Shot at Love 2 Male Elimination Time
! Time for six more to go. As someone tasked with recapping this show, I appreciate the way they eliminate so many so quickly. Tila says goodbye to Nick in a Box, Fisherman Matt, Drunk Vampire Jeremy, Chris the Cop, Flower Boy Mason and Bad Boy Twin Greg.
This season on A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila
: Absolute insanity, so much so that the cops are called in. It would appear that guys take their shirts off and, sadly, it seems Chad will punch another guy in the head. Hopefully that's not for a while, as I want more Chad.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)