There were plenty of impressive singers during tonight’s X Factor USA premiere, but the first episode of auditions had its share of freaks as well, and none got a more intense response than “ultimate vlogger” Geo Godley, who showed up in a baby blue velour pajama set with a tie-dye t-shirt underneath. For the normal auditioner, that would his biggest mistake, but Geo was just getting started.

At first it seems like Geo might just be a little strange, but maybe he’s talented enough for the judges to look past his eccentric fashion sense. He says he writes and produces his own music. Well that sounds legit, right? What Geo neglects to clarify is that he writes and produces his own terrible music. But the judges become fully, traumatically, horrifically aware when Geo dives into his original song, “Mr. Stud,” a pump-up-dance-rap with a mind-numbing beat and even more mind-numbing lyrics about being “a stud, not a dud” and doing “Bill Clinton stuff.”

It’s at that point in his “performance,” just to ensure you know what kind of “Bill Clinton stuff” he’s talking about (it’s not decreasing the national debt) that Geo drops trow, and Paula almost loses her Pepsi. It’s hard for me to knowingly give this stupid man more attention, but this is something you just have to watch:

Paula may be speechless, but there are a couple things I’d like to say about this:

  • Remember “Pants on the Ground”? And how adorable and quaint that seems now?

  • I love that the producers blocked out Geo’s rainbow g-string with a gigantic X (for X FACTOR but also for DO NOT WANT). That’s just never how you want your genitals to be portrayed on national television. But I have to wonder why they’d want to contaminate their own logo that way.

  • He’s not for real, right? There’s no way he’s for real.

  • Ohhhh, maybe he is for real. YIKES. (Please listen to the “studio” version of “Mr. Stud.” But please do not buy it on iTunes. Please.)

  • I guess it doesn’t matter if Geo is for real or not. He’s like the Bucky Larson of X Factor auditioners. Even if he’s self-aware and thinks it’s funny to be THAT terrible, he’s wrong and it’s not. Somehow, that just makes it worse.

  • You know you’re worse than bad when Simon is too disgusted to even throw a decent insult at you. Luckily, Simon’s got L.A., who’s not just his equal in record executive-ing. He’s also Simon’s equal at insulting the non-talented talent: “That was offensive, disgusting, distasteful, upsetting. Get him out of the building, please.” BOOM! Simon who? L.A. is the truthteller now!

What did you think of tonight’s X Factor premiere? Tell us about your favorite and least favorite auditions, good and bad!

(Image courtesy of FOX)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.