I always get a tingle down my glowing spine whenever a reality competition reaches the Final 5. I’m a die-hard Battlestar Galactica fan, so it conjures images of people wandering through halls as Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower” plays. Although if anyone was a Cylon, it was probably Judith Hill.
Recap: Watch the Top 6 Performances>>
And here we are on The Voice season 4 as the rules have been changed so only one contestant goes home tonight. Since we already know it’s going to be Holly Tucker, I guess we’ll have to find amusement elsewhere. Hopefully we’ll get more of Michelle Chamuel eating lettuce like she’s in an SNL Digital Short.
Tonight also marks a homecoming for Cassadee Pope, Blake Shelton’s season 3 winner. So there’s that.
Sigh, I’m already tapped out. I feel like Usher and Shakira trying to muster up something to say after a Swon Brothers performance. It’s the summer and all the other TV shows are done, so my brain turned off about two weeks ago. Extending the season three weeks into June is a terrible idea.
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I like that Usher has made lifting up his leg his signature, like Blake Shelton’s Magic Pointing Finger. Except for the fact that it makes it look like he’s a dog marking his territory. Christina Aguilera better hope that chair gets cleaned over the summer.
Carson Daly lets us know that more than half of the Top 10 Country songs on iTunes are from Team Blake. And I’m guessing the other songs are from Cassadee Pope, Blake Shelton or are the original versions of the songs The Voice singers covered.
“Wasting All These Tears” by Cassadee Pope
Good to have you back, Cass! She’s got that wonderfully radio-friendly voice, bridging pop and country nicely while delivering solid, emotional performances. This is why she’s better than Danielle Bradbery. She may not be as pure country or as young, but she is able to emotionally connect to a song’s lyrics without smiling like a perky 16-year-old.
Talking to the coaches, we learn that today is Sasha Allen’s birthday. Also, are they allowed to steal “Sasha Fierce” from Beyonce? Because they are. It turns out Shakira believes everything she reads on the Internet. Blake Shelton seems to finally accept that it’s his time to lose a team member. He basically says that he knows iTunes says Holly Tucker is going home, but maybe iTunes is wrong.
Michelle Chamuel and Sasha Allen: “Open Your Heart” by Madonna
Michelle is wearing white pants and a vest she clearly stole from Usher’s closet. Her outfit is so loud it drowns out the totally half-assed performance. Seriously, these are the two best “performers” on this show and neither of them seems remotely interested in this.
RESULTS, PART 1
Birthday girl Sasha Allen gets the first question and she talks about how much she loves her coach. It’s a woman thing.
The first singer in the Semifinals is…Michelle Chamuel!
Yeah, when you have a Top 10 hit on iTunes and get your votes multiplied by 10, it’s not much of a shock.
Healing in the Heartland
Next we get a video package of Team Blake and Team Usher who went to Oklahoma City last week for Blake Shelton’s benefit concert, which raised over $6 million for tornado victims. They surveyed the damage and sang the National Anthem. Needless to say, Michelle Chamuel looks wildly out of place. All snark aside, that was some awesome and amazing stuff Blake did. I may be rooting against his artists on The Voice, but I can respect how unbelievably cool it is for someone to do that much that quickly for people in need. It also makes me feel like an a-hole because I’m upset this segment is replacing the typically hilarious Voice Confessionals.
RESULTS, PART 2
Amber gets a question about how special it was that Adam Levine was the only coach who turned around for her. It’s worth noting that Blake Shelton’s team was already filled. If it wasn’t, he probably would’ve gotten her and she’d have taken Holly Tucker’s place and would probably be the frontrunner to win the whole thing. And Adam Levine might still have Sasha Allen as his final singer. And then Shakira would’ve had one of her Latina singers in the Top 12. But this is all my crazy speculation.
The second singer in the Semifinals is…Sasha Allen!
Huzzah! Usher and Shakira are BOTH sticking around for the Semifinals. That’s something neither Adam Levine nor Christina Aguilera could say last season.
Holly Tucker and The Swon Brothers: “Leave the Pieces” by The Wreckers
I find it hilarious that I pointed out how Colton Swon didn’t get any solo lines last night, and this performance starts with him singing by himself. It’s funny how, when it actually matters, Zach is the star, but for results shows, Colton takes center stage. Oh well, it’s hard to feel bad for someone so gosh-darn adorable.
RESULTS, PART 3
Danielle gets to talk about being young and the only teenager. These questions are so bland and awkward I feel like Carson and Christina Milian switched bodies during the last performance.
The third singer in the Semifinals is…Danielle Bradbery!
No real surprise. Danielle and Michelle should already be planning their set lists for the finale.
Amber Carrington and Danielle Bradbery: “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles
Oh lord, this may be the cheesiest song ever. “Say my name”? They do sing it well, though, making it even more frustrating that Blake never lets Danielle do anything other than country, even though she clearly can. But this makes me laugh because cheese is for mouse. Why don’t they get in their spaceship like McMouse? Kudos to ANYONE who gets that reference. It’s probably my favorite thing ever.
RESULTS, PART 4
Holly gets to say her last words before getting eliminated in a few minutes.
The fourth singer in the Semifinals is…Amber Carrington!
Hooray! Someone from Team Blake is FINALLY going home! And all four coaches are represented in the semifinals, unlike last season when only two had singers left.
THE FINAL RESULTS
Honestly, if this is the actual Bottom 2, I wish they didn’t change the rules and just sent Holly Tucker AND The Swon Brothers home. Neither really deserves to be in the semifinals or the finale. Though I do think Zach and Colton seem like good guys.
And, of course, now that Team Blake is losing someone, there’s plenty of time for Carson to let Blake talk to them before the elimination and give them words of encouragement.
The fifth singer in the Semifinals is…The Swon Brothers!
Holly Tucker IS ELIMINATED!
And so ends the least suspenseful hour of television ever.
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Compete in Fantasy TV: Make your picks on who you think will be going home. Hurry, you have until June 11 at 12pm PST to cast your vote!
(Image and videos courtesy of NBC)