Last time we left the Real Housewives of Orange County, they were hanging out at Tamra’s 80s Bunco night and the guys crashed the party in full 1980s regalia. Was it a bad decision to invite Slade after he slandered half of them in the name of “comedy”? Probably. But Vicki looks absolutely livid. The night was already going poorly because whoever’s gay friend was starting fires in that room!

His name is Ricky, apparently, and Slade asks him, “you didn’t like that Ricky? You didn’t like iiiiit?” in a patronizing tone. “It’s comedy,” Slade states like a total dickbag, “if you don’t like it, don’t go to the show!” As though the entire night was about him! What about someone who hated Slade’s terrible set but liked some of the other stuff? Whatever, the sh*t hasn’t even hit the fan yet.

Vicki asks Slade since when is he a comedian? And he just acted like a complete asshole about it, to be frank. Vicki is right, “he’s a piece of sh*t. I’m out.” So she leaves to go see her daughter. Good move, or rather, removal, Vicki. But she hasn’t left yet. She’s just outside stewing, then decides to go back in. No, Vicki, no!

Slade is working on his “it’s in the news” defense when Vicki walks back in. “My mom and dad think I’m beautiful,” Vicki tells Slade, who laughs. She has something to SAY about looks, but Gretchen asks Vicki how it’s any different than calling someone a deadbeat dad. Vicki SHOULD HAVE said, “you’re right, and I’m sorry.” But instead, she became hysterical, asking Gretchen, “are you a mother?!” I thought it wasn’t about that?

Anyway, the argument escalates and Gretchen brings up Brooks, who has allegedly been to jail for not paying child support. Interesting conundrum we have here. “YOU’RE NOT A MOTHER YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE!” Vicki screeches. I think that’s probably the end of the conversation’s more track-able progress. Vicki declares she’s “out” yet again, and leaves maybe for real.

Vicki is crying, Gretchen is crying. I guess Vicki made it about being a mother because she’s stressed out about her daughter. Gretchen is upset because Vicki just gets to criticize and yell and then walk away and “it’s always one way, it’s not fair.” I bet no one wanted a big fight to happen when they looked so silly. We’re going to keep flashing back to it!

Tamra consoles Vicki outside, “I’m removed from this. Why? Because I choose to be.” That’s decent advice. Vicki complains of being “too raw.” And I’m pretty sure Alexis has no idea what’s going on, but Slade brought up that Vicki called Jim a troll and Alexis white trash, and Alexis was forced to engage. I think Gretchen has a pretty good point that Vicki gets to be as mean as she wants but always makes excuses for herself. Basically she can dish it out but she can’t take it.

Heather, meanwhile, is shocked and perturbed. Loving her. She and Terry would never engage in this romper room f***ery. Tamra and Gretchen hug it out, then try to move forward and change the mood in the room. But no, Alexis has secretly been stewing! They’re talking about plastic surgery and this is something she knows a thing or two about!

She unleashes some defensive bitchiness about her sinuses and her nose job, and really goes after Terry. Poor Terry! Alexis, this is not very becoming of you, regardless of whether you’re “owning it” or not.

“I feel bad,” Terry admits maturely. “You can’t argue with stupid,” Tamra says in an interview. Too true. Everyone gets ready to go home, but Alexis isn’t through. She gets upset with Gretchen for not sticking up for her. Alexis is acting like a real New Jersey Housewife. Get over it! Everyone get over it.

Once Alexis leaves, Heather states that “the sinus cavity is off limits … can she get a brain lift?” HAHA, Heather you bitch! But she’s only a bitch because she doesn’t care at all about Alexis. And we all know that bitch stands for Being In Total Control of Herself!

Brianna visits Donn and it’s cute but just can’t compare to all the crap that just went down at Bunco night. Brianna’s surgery is coming up, I guess is the important plot point here.

Apparently Vicki texted Gretchen, “I won’t tolerate you dishing it to me about someone I’m dating.” Oh, Vicki.

So Alexis was mad at Gretchen for not defending her, and now Vicki is mad at Tamra for not defending her. But Vicki is willing to admit that Brooks hasn’t paid some of his child support, but apparently it’s REALLY about Gretchen condoning Slade not working?

Time for Alexis’s nose job. She’s scared, but they prayed to God so that put a calmness and a peace in her heart. Surgery is so scary, I am nervous for her. But probably more nervous for Brianna, who is having tumors removed.

Brianna notices that Vicki always makes it about herself. She is charmingly calm about everything, maybe because she’s a nurse. We’ll see how both surgeries go next week!

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).