Part 2 of the RHONY reunion jumps right into the fray with LuAnn and Tomas and what may or may not have happened in St. Barths. “Allegedly,” the Old Housewives couch continually corrects Andy. Evidently Jacques “politely declined” to be on the reunion show (wisely declined), but he and LuAnn are still together and he trusts that what she says is true and not what the cameras caught.

LuAnn had prepared this preposterous, bullsh*t lie to tell everyone. We’re obviously not going to get the 100% truth of what happened there. Even Andy, who is usually neutral-ish, seemed highly skeptical. LuAnn’s French was also under scrutiny. She’s really full of crap, isn’t she.

“Let’s just say LuAnn loves her men and she can’t keep her hands off them,” Ramona smiles, trying to cap the conversation with a smug comment. But LuAnn will not allow the conversation to end that way! LuAnn admits that she lied, but not all the way.

The reunion touched briefly on whether or not Sonja was BFed by Tomas, then moved on to Aviva’s judgment of what constitutes as a “Girls Trip.” Then Aviva’s sex-crazed father met the spotlight, and we all talked about sex some more. I’ll admit, I was pleased to hear Aviva mis-pronounce “vehemently” when they were discussing whether or not poking someone with an erection is sexual assault.

Let’s Talk Toaster Ovens. It was all so stupid. Sonja brought out some logo samples from viewers, which made absolutely no sense and was probably offensive to Heather. “This might be pissing her off,” Andy noted. Heather recommended that Sonja get out of her own way, and Sonja said the toaster oven didn’t fit in the box, which was a prototype. Jesus.

And now, Sonja’s Downward Spiral. We won’t get to the bottom of why she got drunk and cried at everyone this season, but we will get a few more apologies out of Aviva. And Sonja’s dog died.

Aviva versus Ramona, part 2. I don’t even have the patience for it. Isn’t Ramona kind of a trailer turd, though? Really?

Aviva opened up about her mother’s alcoholism, and admitted that it’s why she’s over-sensitive to partying. But Aviva is also over-sensitive to everything. Does Ramona have a drinking problem? She said adamantly that she does not, which means she just might.

Lingering questions: what do Sonja’s interns do? Did Carol really date George Clooney? Who has changed the most because of the show? Did Aviva really leave a man at the altar? Why didn’t Ramona realize they were still on camera when Andy was asking a final question?

Unresolved issue: Poopy the Pig? Where is he, what’s he doing? Come on, Bravo, answer the questions that matter.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).