This week on The Real Housewives of New York City, the wives are still suffering from not being in the Hamptons while taking a beautiful, luxurious vacation in Montana. And normal allies Kristen and Heather get into a verbal spat over geocaching. So basically, they all lead rough lives.
The ladies head back to their cabins after a full day of adventuring. Sonja talks trash about Kristen’s inability as a hostess. Ramona, who, contrary to Kristen, everyone agrees is a good hostess, has cold drinks and a cheese plate waiting for them when they get back. And it seems like the ladies are tucking in for a full night of imbibing.
Carole goes to check on Kristen, who is having a breakdown crying on the bathroom floor of her cabin. She feels unappreciated after she organized this whole trip for the ladies and wonders why they even came if they didn’t want to participate. She also feels personally victimized by Heather.
It seems like Kristen is blowing this all a little out of proportion. Either that or she’s dealing with some issues with her jerk husband at home and it’s all coming out now. But I’m just speculating here based on the fact that having a husband like that would cause me a lot of stress, too. Either way, Carole manages to calm her down. She says that the women are usually as quick to forgive as they are to anger.
The ladies plan for an evening of glamping, which is “glamorous camping” for those of you new to the Real Housewives franchise. Sonja is hiding in bed because she’d rather geo-crash — get it? When Ramona drags her out of bed, her boob falls out because it wouldn’t be an episode of RHONYC without someone having to blur one of Sonja’s body parts. She tells Ramona she doesn’t want to go, to just tell everyone she has asthma.
The glampsite is beautiful, of course, with a lounge and dining area made of deep wood and luxury suites for each of them. And the ranch hands are there for Sonja to prey on as well.
Though the site is as glamorous as advertised, Ramona tells Kristen that she’s not a good host, that she, in fact, has done most of the hosting. Because she’s the one who arranged the heating lamps for the dining area. She also arranged the drinks and cheese plates earlier. Therefore, she is the hostess. LuAnn begs her to be a little more gracious, but as usual, she ignores LuAnn.
Heather tries to make light of the fight she had with Kristen earlier, but Kristen is still not willing to let it go. She tries to re-hash the same argument from earlier that day, but Kristen ends up getting frustrated and walks away. And it’s worth mentioning that Heather is slurring her words at this point, but she’s still not the one who is angry. If it were up to her, she would just go on acting like it didn’t happen.
At dinner, the drinks continue to flow. LuAnn says that despite awkwardness with Sonja, she’s like family to her. Like a wicked stepsister, to be exact. Then someone brings up the word “bossy” and Kristen uses that as an excuse to renew the argument again.
Ramona says there’s nothing wrong with being a boss; she’s a boss in her job every day at work. Kristen says that’s true, and that’s why Heather should just own up to being bossy. So Heather owns up to it. She stands on her chair and drunkenly slurs, “Hi, my name is Heather, and I’m a Bossy Ass Bitch.” Everyone has a good laugh about it except, of course, for Kristen.
Unsatisfied by Kristen’s easygoing approach to their fight, she takes it a step further. She tells Heather that she’s bossy at work, and she’s bossy at home where she controls her husband. Heather’s demeanor changes immediately after Kristen makes it personal. She tells Kristen not to judge her marriage and to not disrespect her husband like that. She tells Kristen she doesn’t know where she’s going with this, but she suggests that she stop real fast.
Kristen goes on to call everyone at the table unappreciative, and even goes as far as to insult the ranch hands by calling them “butlers.” Then she storms off.
Ramona goes to comfort her. (You know you’re in trouble when Ramona is playing the diplomat.) To Kristen’s surprise, Ramona agrees with her when she says Heather’s husband, Jonathan, doesn’t have a strong personality and Heather does. Ramona even goes as far as to say that he’s “vanilla” and he “hides in Heather’s shadow.” This is rich. Coming from one woman whose husband is cheating on her and another woman whose husband is a super-jerk (and maybe also cheating on her).
Ain’t Her First Rodeo
The next day, Carole visits Heather in her tent. Heather is very upset at Kristen for taking things too far. At this point, she doesn’t even know why Kristen is so worked up. Carole agrees that it was really insulting going after Heather’s husband and that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Meanwhile, Kristen calls Josh to tell him about what happened. Josh, in one of his only redeemable moments, actually takes Heather’s side. He says that Heather is a Type A personality, but it’s not a character flaw, it’s just who she is.
Instead of being an adult and apologizing for being nasty, Kristen brings the ladies to a rodeo with an air of tension surrounding the group. Both Sonja and Carole say that Kristen was out of line. Carole tells her she was being a mean girl and that she needs to apologize, but Kristen says she’s not sorry for what she said to Heather.
The ladies are all really impressed/startled at the rodeo. Kristen is especially happy to witness the Countess use a porta-potty at the venue.
For their last night in Montana, Kristen set up a special dinner for the ladies where she invites all of the people they met at the ranch for a barbecue. LuAnn tells her that she needs to apologize before they leave for the party, and Kristen can’t believe that no one’s on her side.
At the barbecue, Sonja’s happy to flirt with a few of the chefs at the grill while the other ladies try their hands at hatchet-throwing with the world’s tallest retired NBA player/cowboy. Ramona is surprisingly really good at throwing axes. Kristen discovers that the women are at their happiest when they’re throwing sharp objects.
At dinner, Ramona suggests that Heather and Kristen clear the air, so the two of them excuse themselves to go sit by the river and chat. Kristen starts going on and on about how she had such a rough day and she took it out on her. Heather says that’s no excuse to be so mean and when she brought her husband into it is when she took it too far.
Kristen keeps acting like a child trying to defend herself even when she knows she’s wrong, and Heather shuts her down, telling her that her tone sucks and she’s being aggressive for no reason. She says that Kristen needs to chill out and apologize. Kristen eventually spits out, “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt,” with major attitude, and for some reason, Heather accepts that as a real apology.
Heather tells her that she can unload on her any time she wants, just as long as she’s sorry for it the next day and they can keep on being friends. Kristen gets teary eyed, probably because she realizes she doesn’t deserve a friend as good as Heather.
Next week, the ladies are back in their element, which means Ramona is drinking Pinot in Central Park and Kristen is arguing with her husband. Too bad they can’t stay in Montana forever.
The Real Housewives of New York City airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)