We all know that The Real Housewives of New Jersey stars Teresa and Joe Giudice were sentenced to 15 and 41 months in jail, respectively. But let’s go back to a simpler time. A few months ago when everyone got drunk in a luxury vacation home in Florida and nearly killed each other all because Jim Marchese is a little weasel.
RHONJ: Teresa Giudice Sentenced to 15 Months in Prison >>>
Hot Mess Express
Bobby finally leaves his hideout in the bathroom to hear what Jim’s been saying about him. Jim is happy to share to his face, telling everyone how Bobby has a girlfriend on the side with big fake boobs. Bobby only listens to it for a moment or so before escaping back upstairs.
Teresa A. tells Jim and Amber that they should have just stayed home; everyone was having a better time before they arrived. Amber gets so upset over everything that she smokes a cigarette for the first time since she’s had The Cancer. “NOW I’M SMOKING,” she screeches at everyone, like nothing else is going on. “I’M SO STRESSED I’M SMOKING.”
Joe Gorga tries to talk to Jim man-to-man. He tells him his mouth gets him in trouble and it would probably be better for everyone if he just kept it shut.
Teresa comes back in to rile Jim up some more. She says that Jim’s such a jerk that even his wife is on her side. Dina tells Amber she’s sorry for her for being married to such a dick. The twins go at Jim over and over until he snaps again. He accuses Teresa’s husband of sleeping with a stripper and then “f***ing her mother.”
Everyone sits in stunned silence after that one. Melissa says she would have clocked him if he had said that to her. Joe agrees that he definitely crossed a line. Even Amber thinks he messed up.
After they’re banished to their bedroom, Amber pretends to be mad at Jim for a while. But it turns into the giggles as Jim makes jokes about how stupid the twins are. I know they’re both ridiculously drunk, but there’s something weird and creepy about their behavior. And Amber keeps talking about her cigarette. Something Mr. Jim will have words with her about later. Gross.
Downstairs, Teresa is obviously still upset about what Jim said. She says he’s dug his own grave now with that comment. Her husband will destroy him. Dina tells Teresa that that was the rumor she tried to warn her about the night before. Somehow, that upsets Teresa even more. She says it hurts her to know that her friends were gossiping about her.
Dina wishes that Teresa Giudice never told her the rumor. It just put her in a lose-lose situation. But she refuses to let Teresa A. try and take things out on her like what Jim said was her fault, and she excuses herself for the night.
In New Jersey, the Giudice girls are making breakfast. Teresa is glad she didn’t go to Florida because she wants to spend every free moment with her family. She and Joe are dropping the kids off tonight so they can have a rare night out.
They go out to dinner where they try really, really hard to look happy and relatable. Joe gives his wife a bunch of insincere compliments about how good she looks, even though she’s over 40 now. The whole thing just seems forced.
Jacqueline has Kathy over for lunch again and they talk about the same exact things they’ve been talking about since Jacqueline’s “triumphant” return. She reached out Teresa, Teresa doesn’t care. She’s taking care of her son with autism. She’s a martyr because things are so, so hard. Blah, blah, blah.
Although she seems desperate to be back in Teresa’s inner circle, she continually throws shade at her. She calls Kathy a “true friend who has never faltered.” Then she says she and Chris are having their date night in because “they live within their means.” Okay, Jacqueline. You can go back to not being on the show anymore, thanks.
RHONJ: Joe Giudice Sentenced to 41 Months in Prison >>>
Hit the Road, Jim
Back in Florida, Teresa A. is packing her bags to leave the next morning. She’s upset with Jim and Amber, and she’s upset with Dina for being involved in the gossip.
Melissa didn’t get much sleep either. And she can’t believe that when she gets up, Jim is just in the kitchen making breakfast like nothing happened. Melissa thinks that they can’t all get along like this and everyone should just go home.
Amber is still reeling too. She just can’t even get over how she smoked a cigarette! Oh my gosh, can you believe it? She’s so naughty! Jim says something about how he was just having a little fun with Teresa, and she needs to chill out.
Dina comes outside where they’re already having breakfast and tells Jim that he’s crossed a line. She asks them kindly to get up, pack their bags and leave. Amber is indignant and can’t believe that’s Dina’s position. Dina asks her what her position is supposed to be. Jim accuses her of being judge and jury, and Dina cops to it. She says she’ll arrange a car to come pick them up. And that, folks, is how it’s done. Game, set, match, Dina.
Amber cries about how poorly she’s been treated. She doesn’t think it’s fair that she’s being punished for how her husband behaved. Maybe she should smoke another cigarette and get over it.
Fun in the Sun
As soon as they leave, everyone starts to relax and have fun. Nicole wishes Bobby had been there for her during the fight, instead of locking himself in the bathroom. Bobby apologizes for that, but he says that he didn’t start anything and he didn’t want to get involved.
On the yacht, there is lots of drinking, tanning and hot tub time. Bobby tries to keep up with Joe drinking, but he’s obviously not the professional Joe is. Dina tells Nicole she’s worried that Bobby isn’t right for her. In her confessional, she says she thinks Bobby is dating Nicole just to get closer to “the cool kids.” Nicole pretty much admits in her confessional that she wants to marry a man who is right for her and satisfies her in every way. And she doesn’t think Bobby is that person at this point.
At dinner back at the house, Bobby can’t even get out of bed to join everyone else. At first, Nicole is disappointed that she doesn’t have her man or her twin by her side tonight. But Rino and Teresa arrive just before dinner to surprise everyone. They add to the general frivolity of the group.
Rino insists that what Jim said was ridiculous and jokes that he could tell them even worse stories about himself. He says that he had to make the decision not to come early because he can’t be around people like Jim, and who knows what he would have done to him?
By the end of the night/episode, it’s clear that the twins are now aiming their anger at Teresa Giudice and Amber for “spreading gossip.” While I suppose that’s true because Teresa Giudice told Dina, and Amber told her husband, neither one of them was using that information to hurt anyone. Unlike Jim Marchese.
Next week, Nicole recruits Jacqueline to her team to start a fight against Teresa Giudice. Great. More Jacqueline.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV