You would think at an event as glamorous and fancy as Lisa Vanderpump’s “Diamonds and Rose” themed party that The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills could behave themselves. But of course, they act like children, make a scene and ruin it for everybody else in the season 7 finale, titled “Diamonds Under Pressure.” This is why we can’t have nice things.

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A Big Golden Goose Took a Big Golden Shit

We pick up at Lisa Vanderpump’s party, and everybody arrives to gorgeous scenery, fake double kisses and so, so many compliments. Lisa Rinna doesn’t love Dorit’s gold-leaf hair and makes the above reference, but Dorit deserves it. She and PK have come together to complain to Vanderpump about Rinna’s “drug problem” and just generally do some mean spirited teasing.

There’s a few niceities as folks arrive. Vanderpump admits that she really likes some parts of Rinna and really dislikes other parts, and the mood is jovial. Even Kim Richards shows up, riding her grandmother high all the way into the party and into the ladies’ group. Kyle also does a spot-on impression of Dorit that is not getting enough attention, by the way. 

Rinna confronts Eden, and I’m just fed-up with her nonsense. I guess Eden didn’t come to her defense enough in Hong Kong, and she starts a little feud with her. Eden calls Rinna out, saying she’s got “awkward, evil energy.”

The Calm Before the Storm

Everything is going really well. The caviar is flowing, the ladies are laughing and the mini-horses are trying to eat Erika’s ring. Old jokes won’t die as Vanderpump continues to harp on the fact that Erika isn’t wearing knickers. New alliances are formed as Kim and Dorit whisper by the bar. 

It only results in Dorit firing up Kim, and now she’s some kind of advocate for all of Rinna’s “victims.” Kim calls Rinna out, literally, shouting her down during the party. Kim doesn’t really follow through, and Rinna doesn’t bite. It’s super weird. But what can you expect from this pair? This is the spark that ignites the entire evening because now everyone feels free to shout and shriek.

There’s Real Tension in the Air

Here’s where it all goes to hell. The ladies all convene to witness Dorit confronting Rinna and for it to get so awkward and strange. They are speaking in whispered tones and polite voices, and it takes a turn for the defensive. Rinna gets mad about the Xanax rumors, and the rest of the ladies don’t really do anything to squash it. 

This conversation goes on far too long, and we’re revisiting old rumors and beefs. Yawn. Vanderpump brings up her stuff with Rinna, and you can just see Kim Richards sitting there waiting to jump in. Dorit and Rinna get in a shouting match, and I don’t think I could be more bored. 

The hightlight of this moment is when Dorit tells Rinna, “If I can smell your breath, you’re too close.” And she might smell the Xanax. I can’t help but giggle.

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The Circle of Confrontation

More about PantyGate. This was a really slow season, and this rehashing is getting on my nerves. The big story of this little meeting of the wives is Erika’s amnesia. She doesn’t remember Dorit’s apology, and they’re right back at square one. 

Erika confronts PK about her showing her bits on purpose. Erika might be right; everybody is obsessed with her p*ssy.  He’s dismissive and belittling, and it makes me understand a little better why Dorit is the way she is.

PK is a Real Jerk

That just needs to be said. He speaks to these women like he doesn’t have a mother, sister, daughter or wife, and it’s just gross. He pulls it together long enough to come to terms with Erika, but as soon as she is out of earshot, he’s making crude comments with Ken and Vanderpump.

On the bright side, PK’s intervention brings Erika and Dorit to a real crossroads. They speak to each other civilly and kindly. They might have actually buried their beef, thank goodness. Apologies are accepted and they can move on.

Eden’s Tantrum

Eden loses her crap. She’s shouting at Rinna and cursing, and it’s not pretty. in fact, it seems pretty contrived. I’m not sure how much I can believe in this whole tirade. She’s campaigning for a permanent role on Housewives, and I’m not sure I fully buy her audition.

What do you think will be the main points of conflict during the reunion? Can we finally put this Dorit/Erika feud to bed? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 7 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo. Want more news? Like our RHOBH Facebook page.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)