It’s finally time for season 4 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (aka the “Gang Up on Lisa Vanderpump season) to end! Let’s see if she puts these plebes in their places once and for all.
Roundup: Carlton’s Drinking Lands Her in the Hospital, NeNe’s Health and DWTS >>>
Happy Birthday, Beverly Hills
All of the ladies arrive at the boring Chamber of Commerce party. But the venue looks fancy at least. And everyone is bringing their finale party A-game, style-wise, except for Carlton who looks especially fake baked in this week’s episode.
Carlton tries to talk to Yolanda about what happened in Puerto Rico. Yolanda maintains that she expects Lisa to answer her questions and hold herself accountable for the problems that Yolanda has with her. What those problems are that Yolanda actually has with Lisa still remain to be seen. I guess she’s mad at Lisa for not coming to her painting party still? All right, Yolanda, whatever fuels your hate fire.
Brandi is bringing a new guy, Drew, to the party. She thinks he’s really sexy and is really looking forward to having a nice time with him. Too bad he’s probably about to see her at her worst, just like the rest of the people consuming this show. Brandi shares a limo with Kyle and Mauricio, and of course they talk about Lisa. She hasn’t returned any of their texts, and they can’t imagine why not. Brandi decides that she’ll deal with Lisa at the party by having three drinks and then pulling her aside. Something tells me that that’s how Brandi deals with most of her problems.
In their own limo, Lisa talks about how sad she is to be going to the party. And Ken talks about how he’s hungry. Sounds about right. Lisa says at the end of everything, “The truth will prevail.” She is such a fabulous English martyr.
Lisa greets everyone at the party with class and civility but with a touch of ice. She apologizes half-heartedly for leaving Puerto Rico early, but Yolanda continues to scold her for not letting anyone know that she had left. She also points out that they tweeted the next day from another resort on the island (so she obviously didn’t have reason to be worried that they were stranded somewhere on the side of the road, which she claimed to be worried about). Yolanda can’t believe that attitude that Ken and Lisa are taking, like they don’t owe them an apology. She says even Beyonce doesn’t act that egregiously! Excuse you, but please leave Beyonce out of this one, Yolanda.
Act Like a Friend
Joyce tells Lisa that she was sad to see her and Ken leave the PR on such bad terms. Even Kim approaches Ken to apologize, saying that she is sorry for all of the ugly things she said to him that night. Ken dismisses Kim pretty quickly in the same condescending tone she’s accused him of using all season. At least Kim tried to be the bigger person.
Brandi tries to fill Carlton in on the drama that went down in Puerto Rico, but Carlton is already firmly Team Lisa. Brandi tells her that she doesn’t get to have an opinion because she wasn’t there, but Carlton says she did not, in fact, witness Lisa putting tabloids in Brandi’s bag before Palm Springs. Brandi thinks that because Carlton has an opinion that doesn’t support her, that she’s merely a Vander-puppet (see what I did there).
Kyle embarrasses herself by trying to toast before a tequila shot in Spanish. I have to say, I don’t remember the last time I saw Kyle this lit — maybe that time she was drunk dancing around with Taylor and Camille at Camille’s Aspen home. Anyway, Lisa pulls her aside to try and struggle through a semi-coherent conversation. Lisa tells her that she’s said her piece, and it’s up to her who she decides to believe.
Kyle slurs that Lisa’s support of her among the alleged tabloid affair was “a day late and a dollar short” and what she really needs to know is if Lisa is her true friend or not. Lisa assures her that yes of course she’s her friend, but like the insecure little urchin she is, Kyle demands reassurance over and over again. Lisa tells them that both of them can’t change how they feel and they just need to move on.
Kim and Yolanda bond over their separation anxiety from their daughters. I guess according to Yolanda, this is what “acting like a friend” means.
Brandi is feeling sufficiently sauced to confront Lisa. She’s drunk and rambling, while Lisa sits quietly and listens to her crazy. Brandi’s biggest problem with Lisa (at the moment) is that she “parades” Scheana, her ex-husband’s mistress, around her with reckless abandon. Which seems like a legitimate concern for Brandi to have, but it also seems like something that could have been solved with a rational, adult (and maybe even sober) conversation.
Lisa says that Scheana is just an employee of hers and not so much a friend. But she does like her and thinks she’s a sweet girl, although she can’t condone what she did with Brandi’s husband. Lisa tries to tell Brandi what’s been upsetting her, but Brandi interrupts her with “I don’t care what’s upsetting you, this is about me.” Okay, Brandi, looks like all of your cards are on the table, and you’ve been dealt the Bitch Hand.
Brandi tells Lisa that she’s been “under [Lisa’s] spell” for the last few years and now after this fight, she’s says she’s free of her manipulation. Lisa starts to defend herself, trying to tell Brandi how she really feels about her, but Brandi cuts her off once again, saying that she knows that whatever Lisa says is going to be a lie. And that’s that. And somehow Brandi still has the gall to say in her confessional that one day she can forgive Lisa if she can just admit to what she’s done, and their friendship isn’t beyond repair. Okay, Brandi, but I’m pretty sure Lisa isn’t going to feel the same way.
As if this party wasn’t already a big enough mess, Mauricio pulls Ken aside to try and get him to admit to something that his wife did. Ken says Lisa would never gang up on Kyle and Mauricio because they are their friends. And even if Lisa had talked about planting tabloids, no one actually ever brought them up on the Palm Springs trip, so this argument is pretty much a moot point. The two end up hugging it out. At least that much is solved.
But the ladies start getting into it again about Lisa planting the tabloids and everyone is just repeating their same arguments over and over. Ken comes over to the group and Yolanda starts to go after him, telling him that this is a ladies matter and that he should stick to talking to the men. Ken responds, saying that if her husband ever showed up to these things, he’d be happy to chat with him. Yolanda fires back telling him that her husband would never chat with someone like him. Ken reaches for Yolanda’s arm and she slaps it away, warning him not to touch her.
Before things get even uglier, Ken and Lisa disengage and leave the party.
Next week at 9pm on Bravo is the first part of a three-part reunion and Lisa is on the defense. Kyle is looking for an apology and Kim says she was deeply disturbed by the insults Ken made during the season on behalf of her sobriety. Brandi wants Lisa to take responsibility for her actions, and Joyce and Carlton are in for major trauma for their first reunion show. See you there next week!
(Image courtesy of Bravo)